Back to Front PageThe Tories put a headlock on the Liberal party, taking them into a full coalition and giving them proper jobs to make them co-responsible for the pain of cleaning up Gordon Brown's mess.
    This is what they're doing . . .

For info on the doings of the Trivial Democrats running Stockport Council, which has Council Tax rates at the top end because the councillors pay thousands to themselves and £170K to the Town Clerk, Kindly Click Here.

The Lib vulture in the Tory treeThe nation got the idea into its collective head that a hung parliament would be a good thing. In practice, it means:

The Tories have decided to leave the burglar vote to Labour and plan to introduce a new law making it okay for invaded home owners to bash a burgler, which should upset the Liberals, as they are spiritually close to Labour. Something else which will upset the Liberals is a Tory plan to make squatting in someone else's property a criminal offence. Have the Tory backbenchers finally managed to let Dave the Leader know that he should be on the side of lor 'n' order?

Dave the Leader is giving to Big Society Bill, one of his best mates, the job of taking powers from councils and NHS bureaucrats and handing them back to the people to give them more choice.

"Hitler" Huhne, energy sec. and typical millionaire Liberal, would like to raise the council tax on people who don't have cavity wall insulation installed because they don't want the condensation and other problems which it can bring. He is, of course, a firm believer in "green" Stealth Taxes to fund his public sector lifestyle.

U-Turn The Tories have given the Liberals another bone and they won't insist that families on benefits should be capped at £26,000/year of taxpayers' money, the average working family's income.

The government has been told that the school curriculum should be about "real subjects", not the policy of teaching "issues" instead of hard science, which New Labour introduced along with a lot of high-sounding aspirations of the sort found in election manifestos and discarded when the election is over. Which means that all the climate change propaganda will be classified alongside creationism as fancy rather than proven fact.

Weekly bin collections, abolished by stealth under New Labour, won't be coming back. The local government ministers, including Mr. Pickles, have given up on this issue because even Conservative councils are giving spurious reasons as to why bins containing non-recyclables can't be emptied weekly.

Dave the Leader's decision-making process is now clear. He gives his backing to ministers, they fly a kite – like Lansley's NHS reforms and Clarke's reduced prison sentences to cut the cost of dealing with criminals – and if anyone kicks up a fuss, Dave the Leader cuts the kite's string and declares that he was against the idea all the time anyway.

Members of the House of Frauds are in line for a 40% rise in expenses when a flat rate, £300/day, no bills, "sign in and skive off" deal on the way.

The Stealth Taxes continue: The government's subsidies to unreliable and uneconomical "low carbon" energy sources add £200/year to the average household's combined gas + electricity bill – and it's going to get much worse if Dopey Dave the Leader and C. "Dodgy Driver" Huhne get their way.

The British taxpayer will have to pay £17 MILLION to Spanish farmers under an EU plan to compensate them for the loss of profits on salad veg. dumped because the Germans blamed them, wrongly, for spreading E.coli bacteria.

Vince Cable seems to have found a good idea – he got himself booed by GMB members for daring to threaten unions with a legal compulsion for a "50% in favour" threshold for strike inaction.

£46,000 That's how much the taypayer has to shell out for ferrying Environment Sec. C. Huhne around in taxis and limos.

Dropping bombs on Libya and flying about in horrendously expensive Apache helicopters is costing the poor old British taxpayer around £6 million per week.

The latest bright idea to come out of Ken Clarke's Min. of Injustice is to cut in half the sentence expectations of the very worst criminals if they plead guilty. Dave the Leader doesn't seem to get it, but Mr. Clarke's "Be Nice to Criminals" policy is not exactly what the Tories were elected to do. We had quite enough of that under New Labour.

The number of households in which no one has ever had a job doubled under New Labour's benefit dependency culture. The Coalition seems minded to do nothing about this to avoid upsetting Lib-Dem voters.

The Coalition is to continue to use New Labour scams to give amnesty to 91% of bogus asylum seekers.

The government is promising to create a central purchasing unit to stop civil servants in its various departments from paying stupid prices for goods and services – something which has been promised lots of times in the past.

The aid money dished out to India to educate the poor has done nothing to increase educational standards; mainly because the Indians spent it on their space and nuclear programmes. So could someone kindly bang D. Cameron's heads to together to make him see sense before he hurls more of OUR money at the Indians to buy friends for himself?

Nobody on a fixed-term contract is entitled to redundancy money because they don't become redundant when the contract ends. So why is the Coalition letting the mob doing the London Olympics shove up the ticket prices to give a redundancy pay-off to people who knew exactly how long the work would last when they signed on?

The Ministry of Justice is cutting the budget of the Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority in line with its policy of being soft on criminals and indifferent to their victims.

Police forces which moan that they are short of money can still find cash to blow on lifestyle guides telling coppers to shop with a full stomach to avoid buying too much food, never to eat sitting down, what to put in sandwiches, to have a pee before going to bed, etc., etc.

It might make millionaire D. Cameron feel good to hand other people's money to crooks and crooked politicians in the Third World, but the hard-pressed British taxpayer would like some accountability – we'd to know where every penny of OUR money is going, if it's all the same to you, Dave.

The Coalition is doing nothing to stop the influx of migrants seeking British benefits and D. Cameron is making cuts at home to fund hand-outs to foreign dictators and countries like India & China, which have their own space programme. How is this any better than New Labour under Bliar and Broon?

On the one hand, the Coalition is on target to blow £1 BILLION by the autumn on blowing up bits of Libya. On the other hand, the Ministry of Defence would like to point out that its staff are getting valuable practical training, which they would have been receiving anyway, but only in exercises with no one shooting back at them.

The Ministry of Justice & the police are trying to put in place a system which will let criminals plea-bargain a half sentence in exchange for a quick quilty plea. Currently, the maximum discount is 1/3 off. Under the new scheme, allowing for a 50% discount for good behaviour, criminals who plead guilty right away will serve only one-quarter of their sentence.

What do MPs who swindle the taxpayer for 10 years get in the way of punishment? Well, the Commons gave D. Laws (Lib-Dem) a week off from the House of Common Criminals. Drastic, or what!

D. Cameron is trying to make giving money to other countries a legal obligation on the British taxpayer so that he can continue to give overseas aid to countries with a space programme, e.g. India, China & Russia, and hand taxpayers' money, which should be spent to the benefit of British taxpayers, to foreign dictators to bolster their pension funds.

The government is to give £4.3 BILLION, which we don't have because Gordon Brown plunged the nation deep into debt, to bail out Portugal's collapsed economy. Anyone else think it's crazy that debtors should be required to give money they don't have to other debtors?

D. Cameron has been obliged to give the Military Covenant the force of law to prevent future Labour governments from doing a Tony B. Liar and breaching it again. He promised to do it in June 2010 but he has been trying to wriggle out of the pledge ever since.

The government has given in to the expenses scroungers. It will let MPs junk the new expenses system, at vast expense to the taxpayer, and allow them to write their own Thieves' Charter for future expenses claims.

The Coalition intends to abandon New Labour's war on all motorists and it plans to concentrate penalties on dangerous drivers, persistent bad drivers and boy racers. Using speed cameras as a cash-raising gimmick instead of to promote road safety will also get the thumbs down.

The Cameron plan to cut the rate of family breakdown is going nowhere, the Centre for Social Justice has found. The reason is that tax concessions suggested by the Cameron gang have been blocked by the Trivial Democrats who, apparently, are totally opposed to making life easier for married couples.

The NHS, just like the European Union, losed up to 10% of the money thrown at it to fraudsters. New Labour fostered a culture of secrecy and complacency at all levels of NHS management, so it's up to the Coalition to stop squabbling and get to grips with this abuse.
 •  NHS Protect, the anti-fraud service, spend £32 million on recovering £10 million from fraudsters between 2006 and 2009.

The AV referendum out of the way, the worry now is that D. Cameron will feel obliged to give the Libs a sweetie to make them feel better as he's like Tony Blair – he doesn't believe in anything, which makes him a doormat for any trendy fraud with the gift of the gab. Dave the Leader needs to be reminded, forcibly if necessary with a clip round the ear, that the Libs have already had their sweetie; it was the referendum.

The AV referendum result was 68% voted NO and 32% voted YES on a turn-out of 42%.

The Coalition's Triv-Dems seem to have nothing better to do than moan about the Torys' lack of enthusiasm for AV. Is it too much to expect them to get on with the jobs they're supposed to be doing at great cost to the taxpayer? This is likely to be their only shot at government unless they can prove they have something to offer other than acting like a bunch of bitchy little girls.

Thanks to Labour's reckless spending, over 650 NHS executives are paid more than the PM and get an appropriately fancy, gold-plated pension. No sight yet that the Coalition is prepared to tackle this abuse of the public purse.

Councils spend £35 million of taxpayers' cash on the wages of union officials, who do no useful work for the public. Does Mr. Pickles have any plans to stop this? And why hasn't he noticed it going on during in the year he's had his job as local govt. minister?

If the NHS is desperately short of cash and about to go bust, how did Strategic Health Authorities manage to blow £13 MILLION on junkets and posh cars for bureaucrats over the last 4 years? And is the Coalition likely to do anything about it? [Hint: "no" would be a good choice.]

Will the Coalition let the multiculturalism lobby talk it into letting people who can't read English onto juries? And will people who can't speak English be allowed onto juries in case their human rights are infringed? Could happen, given the soggy nature of the Lib-Dem element and Call Me Dave's ineffectiveness.

The Coalition is an awful warning of what will happen if an AV voting system is introduced: the minority party selling its soul to get a taste of government then bitching, and even threatening vague court action, if the majority party dares to express its own views and they differ from those of the increasingly unpopular minority party.

The Lib-Dems are so dismayed by the lack of impact of their "Yes to AV" campaign that they've resorted to finger-pointing and calling the people running the "No to AV" campaign Nazis and liars. But not a word about the Yes campaign's lies—AV will make MPs work harder, etc., etc.—or about the amount of cash the backers of the Yes campaign hope to make out of running an AV system.

Not only do we have unelected and unqualified judges imposing laws on us from Brussels, we have judges doing the same here, creating a privacy law for "celebs", which will soon become available for abuse by all manner of crooks in the business and politics communities. Will the Coalition have the guts to stand up and insist that only Parliament is entitled to make laws? We'll see.

The Trivial Democrats pushing the "Yes to AV" campaign are complaining that the Tories are being rude about them as a distraction from the lack of merit of a scam which will cost the taxpayer a lot more than the present system and deliver the worst candidates. [Even worse than the ones that get in now? Ed.]

The Ministry of Justice, run by the criminal's friend K. Clarke, won't publish a list of Britain's most wanted fugitive criminals because it would infringe their 'uman rights.

Coalition Watch: Clegg has gone soft on immigration and he's not bothered about the lack of control over it. Cable is now officially semi-detached from the Cabinet's requirement of collective responsibility.

The government is having a go at Labour councils, which are cutting front-line services while sitting on huge cash reserves. Like Manchester and Lambeth, which have the best part of £100,000,000 each stashed away, and Liverpool, which has £120,000,000.

K. Clarke, the justice minister and criminal's friend, reckons he has the support of the prime monster, which is probably true. Being as how Dave the Leader is such a plastic person, it's easy to believe that he can agree to be nice to crims when Clarkie is around and agree to be tough on evil, vicious criminals in the presence of their victims, and still go on thinking he's a great bloke who's doing a great job and in touch with his public.

What's the biggest swindle about the AV referendum? Holding it on a day of local elections in England and national elections in Scotland, where they have AV and quite a lot of Triv-Dem support. The plan is to create a majority in Scotland to force the system, anti-democratically, on the whole country.

Organizations which stand to make a lot of money out of administering the pointless burrocracy of AV, like the Electoral Reform Society's offshoots, have put a ton of dosh into the "Vote Yes" campaign, which is very New Labour. The Coalition seems to be turning a blind eye.

The Coalition is continuing New Labour's tradition of making Britain a safe haven for undesirables. Libya's terrorism chief, Musa Kusa (a.k.a. Moussa Koussa to the Beeb and the Grauniad) is being allowed to use this country as a base of operations as he jets around the world, rearranging his career for a post-Gaddaffiey phase.
UPDATE: All travel restrictions on Kusa have been dropped to allow him to run and hide with all the loot he got out of Libya.

D. Cameron has smeared more egg on his face by attacking Oxford University's admissions record on the basis of a made-up and blatantly false statistic.

Sir J. Vickers, chairman of the Independent Commission on Banking, would like to stick customers with billions of pounds more in charges as "insurance" against another catastrophe caused by the spivs running Britain's banks. The expectation that the Coalition will go along with this dirty deal sent bank shares soaring and put even bigger smiles on the fat faces of the fat cats.

E. Pickles, Local Government Sec., reckons that every household has a human right to have its bin emptied once a week. But he doesn't seem to have the will to put in place legislation to force councils to do this. As a result, over half of them now charge for weekly refuse collections but deliver only fortnightly collections.

Calamity Clegg has embarrassed his party so much with his cringe-making personal revelations that he is now excluded from Triv-Dem propaganda leaflets and election candidates deny knowing him or having ever met him. But the good news is that he's still visible on Labour party leaflets.

People used to bang on about "joined-up government" at one time. Whatever happened to that? "The Cuts" made necessary by the Brown Hole in the economy have resulted in thousands of redundancies in the armed services. Yet the government is running army recruiting adverts on digital TV. So it looks like joining up the bits of government is still an aspiration in the ranks of the Coalition.

Work & Pensions Sec. I.D. Smiff would have us believe that most people are happy to work past 65 if they're going to live longer and get value for money from a pension pot. "Rubbish! Most people want to retire as soon after they hit 50 as they can manage," says Saga. They can't both be right.

The Coalition is continuing Labour's speedcam scams and extending them. Drivers can exceed the speed limit by up to 20-some per cent without being hauled into court. All they have to do is go on a Speed Awareness course and cough up a hundred quid to pay for this combined public sector non-job creation plus speedcam extension programme.

The Coalition has no plans to abolish the fake Green tax on building materials sneaked in by Gordon Brown in 2002—the Aggregates Levy. This is a bogus environmental tax on the commercial exploitation of aggregate in the UK, aimed at sand, gravel, rock, etc. There is an entire outfit of tax-collectors for the levy; something similar to the gang operating the VAT scam. The tax is supposed to make the building industry more efficient and reduce the nuisance caused by quarrying. But all it ever did was take money off people building and buying houses and shove it into Gordon Brown's coffers to be wasted on reckless spending.

When elected, almost a year ago, the Coalition promised to abolish Labour's vexatious red tape. We're still waiting for the process to start.

K. Clarke, currently posing as the Justice Minister, and our judges want to keep dangerous criminals out of gaol. 80% of the people asked in a poll want them locked up for longer. Just shows how "in touch" our elected and unelected rulers are.

D. Cameron has glad-handed £950,000,000 to Pakistan (as big a source of terrorist threats to the UK as Ireland) while on a junket. Where's the bloody money coming from if the country's broke, Dave?

Calamity Clegg has done it again – by trying to pull up the ladder. His father used his influence to get the Cleggster jobs. Now, Clegg is trying to prevent other fathers from doing the same for their offspring in the name of "social mobility", which appears to be a Coalition plan to bus poor people to rich areas, where they can't afford to live, without asking them if they want to go.

What Cuts? The Coalition is currently spending £3,000,000,000 per month more than its income.

The Coalition's Carbon Dioxide Tax on industry will put the price of electricity up by 25% over the next decade on top of other cost increases. They also want to spend £140,000,000,000 (which we don't have) on windmills, which will get a 100% subsidy on any power generated if on-shore or 200% if off-shore. The tax is expected to kill off Tata Steel, the biggest employer in South Wales, which makes, as its principal product, blades for windmills.

Another U-Turn: D. Cameron has backed off a bit on messing about with the NHS. GPs who don't want to be saddled with organizing their local health service budget can opt out.

The Coalition's latest Big Idea is to spy on everyone until they reach the age of 30 and oblige them to move around to fit in with the government's plans for social mobility.

The Coalition is blowing £2½ million on sending out a guide to local elections and the referendum on Alternative Voting. There are 3 pages with pictures describing how AV is designed to let the least wanted candidate win. The current system gets just one line: "The candidate with the most votes wins." Which is as good a reason as any for keeping it.

Stealth Taxes, invented by Gordie Broon (Labour), are still here. Like the switch from Retail Prices Index (now 5.5%) to the Consumer Prices Index (now 4.4%) for calculating rises in state benefits and other things which give money back to taxpayers.
 • Water bills, rail fares, fuel duty, student loan interest, interest on state loans to first-time buyers and everything else which takes money from taxpayers will remain linked to RPI. Gordon would have been very proud of this.

The Metropolitian Police and the civil service are running internship programmes which exclude white applicants. In the real world, such discrimination would be illegal and invite severe persecution. But the Coalition seems happy to go along with New Labour's agenda.

The Sentencing Council wants to keep dealers caught with less than 1 kg of hard drugs out of gaol. How very New Labour – but will the Coalition go along with it? With K. Clarke as Justice Minister and resident criminal's friend, the answer is probably "yes".

N. Clegg is so worried about keeping his job as an MP after the next general election that he has ordered a complete change of everything for his party – name, logo, etc. – so that voters will not associate the New Cleggies with the nasty Trivial Democrats, who sided with the evil Tories (instead of rejected Brown Labour) just to get a brief taste of government perks.

Changes to the expenses system for MPs will let them dip their hands into the taxpayers' collective pocket to the tune of £11,000 per year each on average. Nice pay rise in a wage freeze. Where is the money coming from? Well, pensioners are going to lose their Winter Fuel Allowance top-up of £50 for the over-60s and £100 for the over-80s for starters – thanks to a cut put in place by Gordon Brown when he was P.M.

The Coalition promised to reduce the size of the civil service but, unfortunately, it failed to tell the Whitehall mandarins, who are gaily recruiting more and more minions to waste even more Taxpayers' Money.

Dave the Leader has grotted on a 4% pay rise for judges to remind them that they are subject to the 2-year public sector pay freeze and getting quite enough cash already.

Chancellor G. Osborne will scrap Labour's "in the pipeline" stealth tax increase in Air Passenger Duty.

Finally, Dave the Leader has got his own foreign war. It's only a part-share in a UN no-fly zone over Benghazi to keep the Gaddaffey forces at bay, it's not an Iraq, it's not an Afghanistan, but it's a start for Dave.

Finally, Justice Minister K. Clarke has seen the light and he's going to make squatting a criminal offence.

We appear to have an Equality & Human Rights Commission which is eager to chuck money at persecuting people for being any or all of white, British, male, married and Christian. The Coalition has no plans to abolish this gang.

Dave the Leader Cameron is pitching himself as the saviour of the world, who is being held back by Europe's deadlegs. This is the only reasonable conclusion to be drawn from his decision to push for an EU/NATO no-fly zone over Libya, which he knows has no chance of happening.

The Coalition would like everyone to forget that it promised an impressive bonfire of quangos – because there won't be one – and all those extra red-tape regulations which New Labour lined up for the next 5 years before being booted out of office – they're not going to be cancelled.

The Coalition is going to give everyone a pension of £140 per week. Don't ask when because they don't know.

D. Cameron claims he's going to sort out the civil servants who strangle businesses with pointless rules at the behest of the government. Would it be asking too much to get him to sack the dopes at the MoD who bought 65p light bulbs for £22 each and paid £103 each for 1" screws? And also bar the companies responsible for swindling the taxpayer so outrageously from ever bidding for government contracts again until they have a psychiatrist's certificate proving that they don't think they're Gordon Brown?

You have to admire the Tories' stickability. The high-speed train link between London and Birmingham will blight 16 Tory constituencies and cost 2-4 times the current estimate to build. It will be a complete waste of BILLIONS of pounds, which we don't have because Gordon Brown spent all our money, and create more jobs in London than elsewhere. And Tory activists and donors are vowing to stay at home and keep their hands in their pockets come the next general election. But still Dave the Leader is hell-bent on building his dead duck.
   Video-conferencing, anyone?

The Coalition has decided not to let people cash pension and benefit cheques at Post Offices when the current contract runs out. So it looks like the commitment to make Post Offices the front office for public services was just hot air.

The Libyan resistance has told our PM that it doesn't need military help – which is just as well. After tough talking from Dave the Leader, who seemed to be all fired up to invade Libya, came an MoD announcement that thousands of armed services personnel are to be made redundant in the next few months and the Air Force is to be abolished, more or less. So we couldn't invade Lesser Spotting on the Wold, never mind a foreign country.

The Coalition has admitted that the Department of Work & Pensions lies to customers when it sends out letters telling people how much pension to expect. Most of the DWP staff do not understand the calculation method and they cloak their ignorance in deliberately obscure language in the letters.

Dave the Leader is so desperate to become the Heir to Blair that he's going to get us into another war. He plans to invade Libya and oust Col. Gadaffi. So the Ministry of Defence has put its best Blair era duffers on the job and the troops are expected to hit Libyan soil some time around next Xmas. (next but one?) Of course, this is all conditional on getting the Liberals on-side as they share Labour's instinct for cosying up to dictators. (Unless there's a lot of American money in it for the prime minister)

Despite the Brown Hole in the economy, the Coalition still plans to give India £280 MILLION to pay for its space programme, and throw untold BILLIONS into the personal wallets of African dictators via the "ring-fenced" overseas aid and don't ask where the money went budget.

The prime minister has offered a grovelling apology to the nation for the poor effort in re extracting British citizens in Libya, who are working to the benefit of the Gadaffy regime. "Unfortunately," he is reported to have said, "the deadlegs and dimwits recruited under New Labour are still in place and still screwing everything up."

The Coalition has ordered councils to cease and desist from the racialist adoption policies, which they sneaked into place under New Labour. In future, they must let suitable white couples adopt regardless of the ethnic origins of the children needing parents.

After New Labour's attempts to buy votes with public money, 25% of public sector jobs – that 3,000,000 of them – have no connection with front-line services, which are the first thing Labour councils, like the one in Manchester, are cutting. Will the Coalition dare to address this imbalance? Don't hold your breath.

Iain Duncan Smith is taking on Labour's "sick note" culture in his shake-up of the welfare benefits system. It will be interesting to see who wins!

The government will be giving India £1 BILLION over the next 4 years to fund its space and nuclear programmes, and to help India to make donations to poor African countries. And you thought Gordon Brown was the world's worst economic madman!

Imposing the Liberals' Alternative Voting system for elections will cost the country £250 MILLION. Where's the money coming from?

Dave the Leader has relaunched his Big Society to a tidal wave of apathy, possibly because he has yet to tell us any details.

The government will introduce red tape and regulations which will cost the business sector and eye-watering £23 BILLION over the next 4 years, so don't expect much in the way of job creation.

The Liberals are trying to buy some popularity by forcing churches to hold mock marriage ceremonies for couples who aren't a man and a woman, which should do a good job of upsetting Catholics and proper Anglicans.

The Listening Coalition has heard the storm of protest and put on hold, a plan to sell off 15% of the Forestry Commission's land. But getting rid of the other 85% is still on.

The Cleggster seems to have found a bit of backbone; he's sacked his Treasury spokesman, Lord Oakeshott, for being a persistent pain in the Cleggly backside.

D. Cameron has gone soft on his promise, in opposition, to give the military covenant the force of law. In power, all he's prepared to offer is an annual report on how things are doing with no commitment that the government will act on recommendations in the report.

D. Cameron seems to have done something right for a change. He had a go at Islamists, who happily take cash from the British taxpayer while giving aid and/or encouragement to terrorist buddies. So the Islamists and the Labour party started fighting each other to play the race card, which makes a strange sort of sense.
   Religion isn't about race, it's about persecuting non-believers in the name of a notional super-being, and calling everyone else "racist" is a standard persecution tactic for Labour and jihadistas.

N. Clegg, millionaire, never had a proper job in his life, thinks the people who are driven into the clutches of the upper rate of income tax won't notice the loss of income. That's how in touch with the real world he is.

Convicts are queueing up to demand cash compensation for not being allowed to vote. The Tories promised to get rid of Labour's Human Rights Act, and putting the country at the mercy of unqualified European Court judges, in opposition. A promise abandoned in power. Along with promises about putting anyone caught in possession of a knife in gaol, banning Islamic organizations advocating terrorism, tackling binge drinking [e.g. a fine of £500 for being arrested while drunk & disorderly? Ed.], restoring weekly bin collections, tackling bankers' unearned bonuses and abuse of expenses by MPs, etc. etc.

N. Clegg has found a great way to spend more time with his family and less time doing his job. Our would-be part-time DPM doesn't let his staff give him more files after 3 p.m. from Monday to Thursday or after noon on Fridays.

Local Govt. minister E. Pickles keeps talking tough about making councils do what the customers want, like deliver weekly refuse collections. Meanwhile, the councils are continuing to do as they like and rip people off as enthusiastically as ever with reduced services, inflated C Tax and wages for managers, and various outrageous charges, e.g. for parking. Will Mr. Pickles ever get a grip? Seems doubtful.

The Opposition is saying that Call Me Dave's decision to make ex-News of the World editor Andy Coulson the Downing Street spin doctor calls his judgement into question. But, unusually, Dave seems to have a good defence.
   His spin doctor didn't write a lying dossier to help a lying prime minister drag the country into an illegal war and get thousands of people killed. And Dave didn't pick as his chancellor, someone who helped G. Broon to spend the country into bankruptcy. Unlike the wrong Milipede, who has just given E. Balls that job in his shadow cabinet.
   "Not guilty, M'lud."

Call me Dave seems to think that every GP in the land is busting a gut to turn himself or herself into even more of a bureaucrat and become an expert on what every individual hospital has to offer. Which leaves the rest of us wondering if the doctor-burrocrats will ever have any time for patients.
   What looks like happening is that NHS pen-pushers will get HUGE pay-offs then set up in private practice and sell their insider knowledge back to the taxpayer at even HUGER wages than they get now.

Triv-Dem leader N. Clegg seems to be planning a breeding campaign, which explains why he's planning to make a big wedge of taxpayers' cash available to himself when he takes an extended period of paternity leave, leaving the rest of his party to take the flak from cleaning up New Labour's mess.
  This is the same sort of self-interest from a politician shown by G. Broon, who put £250 payments from the taxpayer to a Child Trust Fund in place before he started his own personal breeding programme.

2010 was the least windy year since 1824. Which makes rather a nonsense of Energy Sec. C. Huhne's hot air about a seismic shift in power generation from proper power stations to windmills. They're not use if the wind don't blow, Chris.

Fat-cat bankers must have their bonuses, even in state-controlled banks. This appears to be set in stone as far as G. Osborne is concerned.

D. Cameron has discovered that promising a "fuel price stabilizer", which reduces the amount of tax when the market price goes over a certain level, is okay as a sound-bite in opposition but not something he can deliver in office.

The government's promised "Bonfire of Quangos" has been exposed as a botched rush job, which will cost more than it saves, and just move jobs from the "abolished" quangos to other quangos and government departments. So it's all been a waste of time and just political flim-flam.

D. Cameron has decided not to cave in to the Liberals on the issue of letting terrorists and their assistants come and go freely in Britain.

The Chancellor is now saying that the VAT rise to 20% is permanent and needed to help repair the Brown Hole in the nation's finances. Labour, in contrast, plans to do away with the VAT rise and put up national insurance instead. One assumes that this is because nobody who votes Labour works and their voters won't be inconvenienced.

Welcome to 2011
 • The threshold for the 40% income tax band goes down to £42,475
 • VAT goes up 2.5% to 20%
 • The National Insurance rate will go up by 0.5%
 • Most public sector staff on more than £22K receive a 2-year pay freeze
 • Mortgage rates will go up as deals run out
 • House prices are predicted to drop by 10%
 • Fuel duty on petrol & diesel goes up, and there's VAT on top of the rise
 • Interest rates on savings accounts will remain at criminally low levels
 • Motor vehicle insurance rates will soar
 • Rail fares will rise by 6.2% on average but by 8-13% for high traffic lines

Hot Air Warning: All the Coalition's talk about cutting immigration is flim-flam while we have no control over migration from the EU's pauper states. The latest forecast is that the level of migration will stay about the same no matter what the Coalition does, and if the CamoCleggies don't know that, they should be prosecuted for imposterism.

LATEST: Cable bids for Mandelsleaze roll in Coalition? . . . Does Cable's war on Murdoch's "Evil Empire" make him the new heir to Tony B. Liar? . . . At least Cable made D. Cameron declare that he won't cut winter fuel payments to pensioners . . . but what is a politician's promise worth any more?

Due to Coalition politics, the Tories are giving the Liberals a free ride in the Oldham & Saddleworth by-election, caused by the sacking of the Labour guy who lied about his Lib opponent in his election literature. Will the Libs repay the compliment for the Tories in a by-election? Fat chance!

Flip-flopping over university fees has made the Liberals so unpopular that it will take 2-3 years to repair the damage. Which means that the Coalition will have at least that much life because the Liberals will be scared to rock the boat too much in case they precipitate another general election and lose their jobs.

The next step in Ken Clarke's "Be nice to criminals" programme is to abolish minimum sentences so that dotty old judges can give killers just a couple of weeks inside.

The Coalition plans to blow £130,000,000 of borrowed money on electing police commissioners.

The Coalition is about to be deluged with 'Uman Rights and Unfair Discrimination cases brought by English students, who will have to pay more for their university tuition than students from Scotland, Wales and all other parts of the EU.

The Trivial Democrat members of the Coalition are plugging the policy of increased university fees but hinting that they won't actually be voting for it. How very elastic!

The OECD reckons that excessive wages paid to GPs and consultants as a result of New Labour's bungled NHS contracting CUTS 3½ years off the life of the average UK citizen. The OECD thinks more doctors paid less would be a good idea, but there's no sign of the Coalition doing anything about this abuse of the taxpayer's hospitality.

The Tories have gone soft on knife crime, so that's a U-turn on their election manifesto pledge to send criminals with knives to gaol. K. Clarke is the big softie leading the charge of the Friends of Criminals faction.

The Coalition is to waste £2.8 million on a survey of how happy 200,000 families are feeling.
The form WILL NOT contain a box which can be ticked to indicate unhappiness over the amount of taxpayers' cash, which the government is wasting.

The Alliance of Usual Scumbags & Toytown Trots has taken to hanging Liberal leader N. Clegg in effigy over university fees, on which Clegg has U-turned after promising to do away with them in his election manifesto. The Cleggster is taking this "Negativity Barometer" as proof that he's doing something right for a change!

The Coalition plans to ditch a scheme to give compensation to British victims of terrorism abroad but continue to hand vast pay-outs to terror suspected arrested by the Yanks. So fairness and justice have fallen off the Coalition's table.

The Coalition is being pressed to let local authorities outside London increase the maximum parking fine from £70 to £120 as a means of raising revenue for vanity projects axed by cuts in government support grants, and to maintain perks for councillors and senior staff.

In line with precedent, everyone who gave a lot of money to a political party is still getting a peerage this year because bought honours cannot be unbought.

PM Dave has awarded the nation a day off for the royal wedding next year, hoping that a bank holiday will take the nation's mind off the £24 million cost of the affair.

The Downing Street vanity photographer and the video-maker have been evicted from the public sector payroll in another Coalition U-Turn.

PM D. Cameron took it upon himself to lecture the Chinese government on democracy and the ability of a people to get rid of an unpopular government while conveniently ignoring the fact that the people of Europe have no such mechanism for freeing themselves from the diktats of unelected Eurocrats.

The Coalition has done another U-Turn. A pledge to give anonymity to men accused of rape has been abandoned.

The European Parliament is demanding the power to impose taxes on the people of Europe without reference to national governments as the price of reducing its budget rise from 6% to 2.9%. The Tories in the Coalition now face the problem of blocking Liberal attempts to let this happen.

The Coalition has abandoned pre-election promises of a referendum on every measure which seeks to transfer power from the UK government to the EU. Only BIG changes will be included in the proposed Referendum Bill, leaving the saboteurs of the EU free to continue hacking away at British sovereignty in small chunks.

Call Me Dave has put 26 vanity appointments on the Downing Street payroll, which is quite modest compared to New Labour's 68.

D. Cameron hopes to send thousands of foreign criminals home to serve their gaol sentence in their own country whether they want to go or not. Let's see Dave get that past the 'uman rights nazis!
UPDATE The latest part of the plan is to pay the foreign criminals a bribe of £1,500 via an ATM card which will work anywhere in the world. [But not, one hopes, in the UK. Ed.]

Back in July, Calamity Clegg was bragging that he would pilot a Freedom Bill through Parliament to cut some of the red tape binding British business. But too many people showered him with too many abuses to abolish, so the Cleggster has dropped the idea because it's too difficult for him to get his little brain around all that detail.

Information Commissioner C. Graham has failed to boot Google up the arse for using its spy cars to gather passwords and other data from home PC networks. He could have applied a fine of £500,000, which could have gone toward repairing the damage inflicted on the economy by G. Broon, but he chose not to, which leaves everyone wondering about his motive.

D. Cameron is meekly going along with the decision of the European Court of Human Rights to give the vote to convicts on pain of paying them compensation if they don't get it. No sign of his putting into practice a promise to repeal Labour's self-serving Human Rights act, which permits such abuses.

D. Cameron has put his own personal photographer on the Cabinet Office staff, so he now gets £35K from the taxpayer for snapping pix of Dave patronizing members of the public and others.
UPDATE "Call Me Dave" has also put his personal video-maker on the public payroll to shoot clips for his website.

Stealth Tax — Air Passenger Duty is rocketing up in November.
Band A, 0-2,000 miles from London, goes up by 10% to £12 for Economy and £24 for Premium
Band B, 2,001-4,000 miles from London, goes up by 33% to £60 for Economy and £120 for Premium
Band C, 4,001-6,000 miles from London, goes up by 50% to £75 for Economy and £150 for Premium
Band D, more than 6,000 miles from London, goes up by 55% to £85 for Economy and £170 for Premium
There is no justification for this tax, which has bogus "planet saving" credentials, and the increases are just a continuation by the Coalition of Gordon Brown's policy of stealing from the traveller at every opportunity.

The Coalition's plan to strip child benefit from any household containing a higher-rate taxpayer is foundering on the details of making it work. Which seems to be the usual outcome of such grand, but arbitrary, plans.

D. Cameron's talk of blocking the rise in this year's EU budget has proved to be just hot air. There's nothing he can do to stop it.

The much flaunted plan to eliminate all the messing about with pensions and means-tested supplements, and give everyone £140 per week, has proved to be a swindle on inspection of the small print. Existing pensioners won't get the new rate, only those who retire AFTER the scheme comes into force will bet the £140. Which means that the new scheme will be run for new pensioners from 2015 and the old scheme will be continued for existing pensioners until they all do the decent thing and croak. So how's that going to save any money?

The Coalition is planning to let over 100,000 civil servants retire at 50 on gold-plated pensions. So much for sound economic sense.

Tax & Waste Most of the 5.9% rise in the EU budget will be blown on providing extra hospitality, freebie trips and entertainment for EU burrocrats. Subsidies to canteens will rise dramatically, and so will spending on propaganda telling everyone what a magnificent organization the EU is. But we'd better not make too much of a fuss or we'll upset the Liberals, who are noted for being liberal in pouring taxpayers' money into the Eurodrain.

Another U-Turn – "Hypocrite" Huhne, the energy sec., formerly a vehement opponent of nuclear power, is suddenly all for it because he's realized there's no way anyone can build enough windmills to keep the lights on because the money isn't there and the windmill industry can't build enough to bridge the gap.

It's austerity for Britain but the Coalition is quite happy to give the EU, that hot-bed of waste, corruption and theft, a 6% pay rise, which will leave every household in Britain £200 worse off.

Labour peers and Labour donors in the Lords are still impervious to prosecution for blatant expenses swindle under the Coalition. 3 of them, who belong in gaol, have been excluded from the Lords for various periods and ordered to repay £125K, £40K and £27K won from "main home" swindles.

Justice Minister K. Clarke is hell-bent on continuing New Labour's policy of not sending criminals to gaol even if they have racked up over 100 convictions and proved themselves to be in crime as a career.

The price of power for the Liberals – a U-turn on opposing the very existence of tuition fees for university students, never mind raising them. (One of many.)

Justice Minister K. Clarke is labouring so hard to keep criminals out of gaol that the National Association of Prison Governors is warning that 6 main prisons will have to be closed for lack of convicts.

The Coalition is cool with giving the Royal Navy 2 aircraft carriers, as long as one of them is mothballed and not used. But if the Navy wants any fighter aircraft for its single carrier, it will have to borrow them from the US Marines, the Iraqis and any other 'ally' with a few to spare.

More Coalition Economics: The Navy WILL get its promised pair of new aircraft carriers but one will have to be mothballed after construction because the country can't afford to run it.

Coalition Economics: Our national leaders are pretending to cut costs by making Ministers use public transport, but while they're on a bus or the Tube, their boxes of documents are swanning around in a limo. So moving ministers and their boxes has become MORE EXPENSIVE by the cost of the bus & Tube fares. How's that going to fill in the Brown Hole?

On the one hand, the Coalition is allowing Lord Young let people think they will be able to sue councils which ban events on spurious 'elf 'n' safety grounds. On the other hand, the Coalition is planning to bring into law, the H. Harperson Stupidity Act, under which employees can sue their unfortunate employer if the employee thinks someone might have made an offensive remark about someone else. The employee does not have to be present when the allegedly offensive remark is supposed to have been made, or in his/her right mind. And if the case ever arrives in front of a New Labour judge, the burden of proof will be removed and the employer will be assumed to be guilty automatically. It will be interesting to see if the Liberals in charge of the Coalition let Lord Young have his way.

Now that New Labour's Council Tax conservatory snoopers have done their dirty work and spied on the nation in the name of a revaluation of the nation's housing stock, the Coalition is going to abolish them – a somewhat empty gesture, but revealing.

Another U-turn – the Coalition won't be making importing illegal timber and possession of the same a criminal offence.

A plan to give members of the armed forces fast-track access to benefits, including housing, and priority for NHS treatments has been dropped by the Coalition, which seems to be as good as Labour at maintaining the military covenant.

The Coalition is promising to kick Labour's Compensation Culture in the teeth and nail the 'elf & safety nazis. We'll see.

The Coalition is happy to let hospitals in England charge their customers and visitors £4 per hour for parking when it's free in Scotland and soon to be free in Wales.

The Coalition is planning to bus children of poor parents to 'good' schools and exclude local children if their parents are comfortably off. The object of this social engineering exercise is to ensure that the wealthier the parents, the worse the education received by their offspring. Why the Coalition is doing this remains shrouded in the mists of Liberal politics.

U-Turn: A promise to abolish rip-off hospital parking charges has been abandoned. The Brown Slump gets the blame.

Life under the Coalition is so much cheaper than life under Labour, which is why everyone's Pension Credit was reduced by nearly £20/week from 19th July 2010.

In 2009, the Treasury decided to save £7 million per year by introducing cheaper-to-manufacture 5p and 10p coins. It will cost £100 million to rebuild vending machines to take the new coins; a cost which will be passed on to the consumer; and the Coalition seems to be content to go ahead with the plan.

Lateral thinkers at the Ministry of Defence have averted the embarrassment of Britain having to share the Royal Navy's aircraft carriers with the French. The MoD has decided that, because of the Brown Slump, we can no longer afford to build the 2 aircraft carriers ordered by New Labour.

N. Clegg's latest idea for a Coalition is to invite the Taliban to join in in Afghanistan. The idea from the MoD that Britain and France could share their aircraft carriers could also be one of his.

Tory donors willing to give £50,000 per year to the party get a dinner with Dave the Leader. The going rate on the Liberal side of the Coalition is £250.

The Coalition has downgraded the promised £200 million Cancer Drugs Fund to an 'aspiration'; in other words, it's another U-Turn.

The Coalition has done a U-Turn on reducing the drink driving limit to 1 pint (or 50 mg alcohol/100 ml of blood) because it would damage the economy and deepen the Brown Slump, and lead to all the rural pubs being closed.

Before the election, D. Cameron promised to protect "free" travel, TV licences, winter fuel allowances, etc. for the elderly. Now he's got the Downing Street gig, it's sod the elderly and the master plan is to raise the qualifying age for such benefits, slash their amounts and means test them to destruction to cut the numbers eligible to collect them.

The Coalition is thinking about writing a new pricacy law as it feels that the nation is under threat from dotty old judges, who have no contact with the real world but who feel qualified to impose their own privacy laws by stealth.

The Coalition has ditched Labour's plan to regulate private clampers in favour of a complete ban on clamping and towing away by anyone other than the police and local authority representatives.

The Audit Commission, which is supposed to monitor local government spending but which has become a haven for junketeers under New Labour, is to get the chop.

Labour ministers, who helped to drive the economy into a Brown Slump, split £1,000,000 as "reward for failure" being chucked out of office bonuses. The Coalition is challenging them to surrender their ill-gotten gains. But as we're talking about the Labour party, the taxpayer is advised not to hold his/her breath.

E. Pickles, the local government secretary, is publishing details of the extravagant spending under Labour of his department and 15 quangos. The excesses include £635,000 for taxis and limos, £400,000 for posh hotels and £300,000 on catering. Labour's bingers took trips to Blackpool Pleasure Beach and bought themselves Indian head massages, lots of booze and flowers, and trips to race courses and Man. Utd. F.C. They even spent £75,000 on a sculpture.

The government's promise to abolish the retirement age and let people work on past 65 is just a meaningless gesture. As a consequence of the Brown Slump, there are no jobs for people in their 50s, so those in their 60s have no chance.

The energy sec., C. Huhne, has done a U-Turn on nuclear power stations. They're great, he now says. So it looks like someone has banged his heads together to make him realize that relying on windmills won't keep the lights on, especially is he's counting on having more windmills than the industry can possibly build and erect by his target date.

Local councils are to be barred from hurling huge amounts of Council Taxpayers' cash at PR and lobbying firms when they want a change in the law. They'll have to get their own staff to do the job in the future.

The NHS is blowing £86,000,000 (plus start-up costs) on websites which are hard to find, look terrible and don't work, and are totally irrelevant to the needs of patients. Which explains how New Labour threw so much cash at the NHS and got so little value for money. No word yet on whether the Coalition is going to stop this abuse.

The Coalition has caught New Labour's fake consultation disease. The Coalition calls it "crowdsourcing", which involves setting up a website to let the public submit suggestions for policies and solving problems, quoting messages which agree with what the Coalition is doing as "proof" that it's doing a grand job and ignoring everything else.

The latest U-turn is that fortnightly bin collections are a bad idea and weekly collections are better.

The Coalition might just scrap G. Broon's shambolic and ruinously expensive tax credits system in favour of something simpler and fairer.

If Vince Cable gets his way, we'll be stuck with New Labour's open door immigration policy and crowded off our own island before too long.

The Coalition plans to shove electricity prices up by 33% and raise gas prices by 18% to subsidize more uncommercial and inefficient windmills.

The soon to be sacked prisons minister and total disaster area C. Blunt is handing all released convicts a free mobile phone courtesy of the taxpayer.

Call Me Dave wants to be the "Heir to Blair", and the amount of lying, cheating and swindling he's managed so far suggests that he's well on the way to fulfilling that ignoble ambition.

D. Cameron thinks it's okay to talk Britain down when he's abroad, e.g. by telling Pres. O'Bummer that Britain was America's junior partner in 1940 when the Yanks weren't even in World War II at the time, we were going bankrupt through buying war materials from them, and they were also selling stuff to the Germans in the interests of fairness. This is not actually what we expect from a proper prime minister.

Prisons Minister C. Blunt is introducing a "Be nice to the worst criminals" policy, so that's lessons in stand-up comedy lessons for terrorists and party nights for murderers, and Sky TV and broadband in every cell.

The Coalition, in its short life, has already managed to do U-turns on:
 • Giving NHS patients the latest cancer drugs
 • Abolishing Gordon Brown's Death Tax
 • Promising no major structural reforms of the NHS
 • Banning local council Bin Taxes
 • Giving free travel passes to pensioners at age 60 instead of age 65
 • Raising the rate of VAT higher than 17½%
 • Cutting Inheritance Tax
 • Giving fair payouts to victims of the Equitable Life annuity scandal
 • Giving anonymity to men accused of rape until the charge is found to have substance and it's not malicious
 • etc. etc.

The health secretary, A. Lansley, is planning to revive Gordon Brown's £20,000 Death Tax for residential home care, to be extracted from live pensioners or their estate.

The Tories are about to go soft on their promise that dustbins will be emptied weekly, rather than fortnightly, on human decency grounds.

The Coalition wants to double to £30, the bogus Victims' Surcharge, which the Brown regime imposed on people convicted in court. The Coalition also wants to extend the scope of the VS to include fixed penalty notices and parking tickets, and clobber motorists even more to fill in the Brown Hole in the nation's finances. So, Mr. Cameron, how is this stealth tax any different from Labour's?

The Coalition is falling into New Labour's trap – it's planning an upheaval in the NHS, which will cost a bomb with no guarantee of doing anything much for patients. The BIG IDEA is to oblige GPs to do less doctoring and more pen-pushing, whether they want to or not, in return for further huge amounts of taxpayers' cash.

A. Bridges, the current Chief Inspector of Probation, has decided it would be cheaper to leave criminals out in the community, committing crimes, than to lock them up. So the Coalition is now busily looking at ways to abolish prison sentences and Britain can expect a crime wave until Gordon Brown's mismanagement of the economy can be repaired.

At long last, the Coalition has started to think about abolishing aid to countries like India with their own space programme (but not actually do anything).

The Food Standards Agency will be part of the Coalition's "bonfire of qangos".

Is the Office of Budget Responsibility really independent or its it contaminated with left-over New Labour sleaze and back-door influence? The Coalition will have an uphill struggle to show it has clean hands in this case.

The country is sunk deep in a Brown Hole of debt but the Coalition thinks it would be a good idea to pay out millions of pounds of taxpayers' cash to terrorists, terrorist suspects and their laywers because New Labour had some of the bad guys & suspects tortured, and waste even more millions on a secret inquiry.

The government is blindly increasing the overseas aid budget when one-quarter (£2 BILLION/year) of all money spent is wasted on no-hope projects. Worse, hand-outs of hundreds of millions of pound/year are going to countries like India and China, which are rich enough to have a space programme (unlike Britain).

The website commissioned by DPM Nick Clegg keeps crashing. His BIG IDEA was to invite customers to nominate laws which they'd like repealed but, apparently, thousands of people have nothing better to do than make daft suggestions to what is just another cheap political stunt and another waste of taxpayer's money.

Tuesday, 29th June: the Cabinet blew £100,000 of our money on holding a Gordon Brown-style junket meeting in Bradford.

Nothing much changes. The Coalition says it's tackling waste but the Mid Essex NHS hospitals trust wants to hire an outside consultant at £1,000/day to tell the trust which staff to sack to save money. Apparently, none of the managers already working there is competent to do the job.

Hypocrite Huhne, who used his wife & family as an election prop before discarding them, has charged the taxpayer £1,500 on expenses for "servicing his old boiler". What did he mean, exactly?

Since they were opened up to public scrutiny, second-home expenses claims by MPs are down by one-third.

The Coalition's first budget means:
 • Public sector pay frozen for 2 years;
 • £120 billion in spending cuts and tax rises,
       including VAT @ 20% from January '11;
 • Banks to pay the taxpayer £2 billion/year from '11
 • Whitehall spending to be cut by 25% over 5 years;
 • Pensions linked to earning again from April '11;
 • Tax thresholds frozen for 3 years to let fiscal drag raise taxes;
 • Corporation Tax (now 28%) to fall by 1%/year from 2011.

The government has spent £18,000 on topping up the official wine cellar to replace the booze guzzled by New Labour during its last few months in office to numb the pain (at the taxpayer's expense) of the party's death throes.

The government is to stop sending Overseas Aid to China (world's fastest-growing economy) and Russia (one of the G8 world's richest countries), but not to India, which has a space programme funded by the British taxpayer.

Being harassed continually by scrounging MPs with expenses complaints has made the new operations director of the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority quit the 9-month setting up job after only 6 months.

Justice Sec. K. Clarke wants to continue Labour's policy of not sending criminals to gaol (which the Liberals also support) – but not to leave them available to vote for his party in election; rather, to save money.

Standards Board for EnglandThe Standards Board for England, a kangaroo court for local councils born of New Labour political correctness [see THIS SECTION of the Garbagegate Contents page], is to get the chop after blowing millions on "investigating" complaints of misconduct, most of which were frivolous, spurious or a product of political spite.[See also HERE while the link lasts]

The Coalition is already going soggy on fixed terms for Parliaments, 55% disapproval from MPs needed to force a general election, and anonymity for men accused of rape in case the accusation is false.

The Coalition has got itself into a tangle over Capital Gains Tax. The Tories are against it, knowing that it penalizes those who try so save for a rainy day – and that anyone who can, will take their money elsewhere – while the Liberals are intent on taxing Britain to the level of a 3rd World dictatorship, and all for taxing the prudent into extinction.

An abolition of some of New Labour's 'meddlesome' laws is being promised, like scrapping pay-as-you-throw Bin Taxes, taking back gardens out of the 'brownfield' building land category and banning the building of lots of rabbit hutches in new housing developments.

The latest "transparency in government" exercise has revealed that 172 civil servants are paid more than the prime minister, confirming that New Labour paid top dollar to 3rd rate talent, given the universal mess, over which these trough-gobblers have presided.

In an attempt to establish matching credentials with the sacked Treasury mogul, D. Laws, his replacement, D. Alexander, has revealed himself as a swindler with Capital Gains Tax (which his party wants to raise to punitive levels) and an expenses scrounger, who uses every trick in the Lib-Dem booklet on "How to Maximize Your Parliamentary Expenses."

There was a need to put a Lib. in the Treasury to make cuts (to tar the Libs with the Coalition brush) following the demise of the expenses swindler D. Laws. So they scraped the barrel and we got a minor expenses swindler, a PR bloke, whose only qualification is that he's Nick Clegg's best mate. But maybe it's a good thing that he's not pretending to be a financial genius – like G. Broon, the man who left the country bankrupt.

Five minutes into the new Parliament, the man working as the chief secretary to the Treasury, a man who bragged about being Mr. Clean, has been exposed as an expenses swindler. D. Laws (Triv-Dem) has to pay back £40,000 claimed for renting a room from his boyfriend. Which makes rather a mockery of the Triv-Dems' claims to be purer than pure over expenses, even after they'd sent out a booklet to their MPs telling them how to fiddle their expenses to the maximum.

The New "Tough" regime on MPs' expenses is a paper tiger. The Common Criminals will be getting a £4,000 advance on their expenses – so no receipts required – adding £2.6 million to the Brown Hole in the economy, and they will be trusted to declare their personal phone calls, which cannot be claimed on expenses.

Child Trust Funds – set up by Gordon Brown for his own benefit when he started to have kids – are to be scrapped to reduce the size of the Brown Hole in the nation's finances caused by . . . Gordon Brown.

The inmates of the House of Common Criminals are moaning about having to pay for things and then claim back the cash, and getting it only if they have a proper receipt. They are also agitating to have their expenses watchdog sacked, led by the disgraced Squeaker, a notorious flipper and expenses fraudster, who has done his best to protect thieving MPs rather than the taxpayer.

The "Fair Fuel Stabilizer" is history – the Tories have dropped a manifesto promise to lower fuel tax when the international oil price shoots up to give motorists a break.

The Coalition is launching inquiries into New Labour's iniquities rather than doing anything about them, which has led to accusations of a 'Get Milipede' agenda. D. Milipede's supporters for the Labour leadership claim that an inquiry into torture of terrorists by foreign governments, while the security services shut their eyes, is aimed at getting their man, who was Foreign Sec. while the torture was going on.

Having ditched the Tory elements of his manifesto, Call Me Dave would like us to believe he remains a Conservative.

Nick Clegg wants to advertise all the loopholes in the poorly drafted 'Uman Rights Act for the benefit of swindlers and terrorists.

The Liberals are still trying to swindle the taxpayer despite the furore over expenses. They want an allowance of £1.75 million, which is given to opposition parties for 'research', even though they are part of the government.

The Terrorists' Charter, a.k.a. the Human Rights Act, is not to be abolished because the Liberals are quite happy for Britain to remain a safe haven for terrorists and foreign criminals, and to hell with the human rights of the natives.

The Cameron/Clegg plan to require dissent by a majority of 55% of MPs to get Parliament dissolved looks like hitting the buffers as it will lead to a "zombie government".

A Bonfire of the Manifestos – Cameron & Clegg are now able to tear up any inconvenient but vote-winning promises and plant the blame on the Coalition negotiations.

The Middle Classes, who fell for the New Labour con job, will be taxed until the pips squeak to pay for Gordon Brown's reckless spending because it's all their fault.

Doctors working in Britain will have to be able to speak comprehensible English, no matter what the European Union wants.

Peace In Out Time : The new Treasury Secretary has promised to end New Labour's war on motorists' wallets.

Collective responsibility is back – it went out of fashion under New Labour, when major decisions, e.g. launching a war on a lie, were taken by the Prime Minister and a couple of cronies. Now, members of the Cabinet will be consulted again and they won't be able to speak out against a Cabinet decision without losing their job.

N. Clegg, Deputy Prime Minister, becomes the John Prescott of the Coalition – has he already indented for his two Jags?

Cameron gives Labour MP Frank Field his old job back; thinking the unthinkable on Welfare, something which H. Harperson and G. Broon sabotaged very early on in New Labour's career.

Vince Cable, self-styled financial genius, chickened out of a job at the Treasury and a share of the blame for the cuts in public spending needed to repair the damage done to the economy by the Brown/Darling Enron style of financial mismanagement. He takes over the Mandelsleaze's job.

Cameron has banned mobile phones from the Cabinet room so that the buggers have to pay attention and they have no excuse for not knowing what went on.


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