A Message from Our Leader Some words to the nation on abuse of MPs' expenses from our Walter Mitty leader, who comes over as an extremely curious customer on his personal TV channel!

"My fellow Americans . . ." "Whoops! I keep having fantasies about being Barack O'Bama and able to blow trillion$$$." "MPs' expenses are a serious matter. But hey! It's only taxpayers' cash, right?" "And I need to keep the scroungers sweet or I'd have no mates in Parliament." "It is not my fault that the expenses reforms suggested by Sir John Baker in 2008 were rejected." "It is not my fault that the thieves in my Cabinet voted against having to give receipts with expenses claims." "The whole expenses abuse thing is that David Cameron's fault, anyway." "If he hadn't kept going on and on about it at PMQs, we could have brushed the whole mess under the carpet." "As Prime Minister, I claim nothing at all in expenses." "When I need some cash, I just go down a dark alley and mug a pensioner." "It is right that MPs should be paid £150 every time they turn up for work . . ." ". . . even though they already get 300 grand in salary, expenses and pension." "But fear not, I have a plan to change the face of British Parliamentary expenses." "Which takes cash away from Tories in Outer London and gives it to Labour MPs in the sticks." "Believe me when I tell you all this kerfuffle over abuse of expenses by my MPs is just a very small storm in a tiny teacup. " "Nobody will give a rat's arse about MPs stealing a few millions after the Budget announces a deficit of hundreds of billions." "Oh, crap! I was being so bloody boring, I dropped off to sleep for a minute." "Some people call me wooden and a poor communicator. They are wrong:" "I can fake sincerity better than Blair any day of the week." "Now, a word about the economy. If reckless spending got us into one Hell of a mess . . ." ". . . then it is right to assume that more of the same will solve all our problems." "And now a word on honesty . . ." ". . . a subject very close to my heart" "It is right for the Government to lie to the people to keep up their morale." "Especially if it keeps me in my job!" "Most people think they can tell when I'm lying because I have have my mouth open." "But sometimes, I just have my mouth open." "Whoops, I dropped off again." "In conclusion, I would like you to search your hearts and answer this question:" "Is this the face of a man you couldn't trust?" "Oooh, aaah, missus!" "Frankie Howerd lives!!" #