New Labour emblemCast header

Blair, A.L. – Wrapped himself in Lady Thatcher's achievements and presented himself as the guardian of her legacy. Notorious for taking freebie holidays (with travel paid for by the British taxpayer) at the homes of the rich & famous. Notorious for pushing himself forward and trying to take over other people's occasions, e.g. his attempt to become the focus of the Queen Mother's funeral.

Blunkett, David – Home Secretary, sacked for abuse of office, fiddling his expenses and embarrassing his leader over an affair with someone else's wife.

Bush, George W. – President of United States of America. He was always the senior partner in the conspiracy which saw Britain dragged into the mess which resulted from the invasion of Iraq in 2003 with an illegal regime-change agenda.

Byers, S. – Acquired the nickname 'Liar Byers' following his fun & games with the truth as delivered to the House of Commons.

Brown, Gordon – Nail-biting, nit-picking, Stealth-Taxing Chancellor of the Exchequer. He presided over some monumental failures of his own (e.g. Tax Credits) and, as a New Labour Big Beast, remains up to his neck in every single one of New Labours failures, including the Iraq war. He is responsible for the collapse of the pensions industry and also the savings industry through his abolition of tax incentives to savers.
    Described by New Labour insiders as deeply psychologically flawed. Had a tendency to be somewhere else during bloodletting or when major decisions were being taken. Carried permanent chip on shoulder because he felt that Blair reneged to give him a turn at party leader much earlier, and he became a sort of 'Banquo's Ghost' of Blair's leadership toward the end.

Campbell, Alastair – Blair's sometime 'Sultan of Spin' at Downing Street. He wrote the dodgy dossiers on Iraq which were claimed by the 'intelligence community' and John Scarlett

Clarke, Charlie – Sometime Home Secretary, sacked for being totally useless

Delew, Amanda – a.k.a. Mandy de Loot, head of the High Value Fund-Raising Unit at Labour party HQ

Falconer, Lord – Blair's sometime flatmate, was Lord Dome, and made a real bog of the job, after Mandelson was evicted from being in charge of the Millennium Dome, became the Justice Minister when the Home Office was split in two because the incompetent John Reid (q.v.) couldn't cope

Field, Frank – The Labour party's expert on welfare reform. His efforts were sabotaged by the Chancellor, Gordon Brown, and he was sacked to prevent him from embarrassing New Labour with a necessary shake up of the benefits system

Goldsmith, Lord – Attorney General, Labour donor, Labour minister, received his peerage from A. Blair. Destroyed the credibility of his office, refused to step aside from Cash For Honours prosecution decisions involving his colleagues, allegedly stopped a fraud investigation to cover up payments by BAe Systems to a Saudi prince to secure an mega arms contract, performed a spectacular U-turn on the legality of regime change in Iraq to keep in with Blair, quit when Blair was evicted from the office of prime minister to avoid the sack from Brown.

Hain, Peter – Foreigner, allegedly politically motivated hooligan and vandal.

Hewitt, Praticia. – Health Secretary and a woman in serial denial ("This woman has to live on another planet!") over the failings of the NHS and the catastrophes caused by her efforts to cure a cash crisis, which only made things worse.

Irvine, Lord – Blair's former employer, given the job of Minister for Wasting A Fortune on Decorating His Office.

Levy, Lord – Blair's personal envoy and Labour's main fund-raiser, known as Lord Cashpoint, twice arrested by police over cash for honours.

Jowell, Tessa – Minister for lying about the true cost of the 2012 Olympics. Also minister for encouraging 24-hour drinking and promoting gambling in supercasinos owned by billionaires who have given freebies to J. Prescott (q.v.).

Mandelson, Pietro. – One of Blair's pals, sometime Minister for the Millennium Dome, twice sacked for fun & games with the truth and insolence in office.

Powell, Johathan – Blair's Chief of Staff at Downing Street

Prescott, John – Deputy Prime Minister. An Old Labour black hole, into which millions and millions of pounds of taxpayers' cash was shovelled to absolutely no benefit to the taxpayer. 'Two Jags' was a political dinosaur, who prove a huge embarrassment to his leader. Downgraded in 2006 following adverse media publicity about his sexual harassment of his staff, his department continued to receive vast amounts of cash even though Prescott had no job to do.

Reid, John – Held 9 jobs in 10 years under Blair, finishing with Health Minister (failed) and Home Secretary (failed). Went out to grass when Brown took over knowing he would have got the push if he'd tried to stay on

Straw, Jack – Never had a proper job, sometime Foreign Secretary, demoted and put out to grass as Leader of the Commons.

Turner, Ruth – Blair's director of external relations at Downing Street

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