Silly Season Feature:
The Romiley Little Bookstore Book of the Moth
Bollards to the terrorists!
The Oxfordshire 'designer shopper' area Bicester Village is ready for any terrorists who might try to disrupt its August Bank Holiday. Ten-ton concrete bollards parked in roadways have been painted with bright designs to add a touch of class to the defences. BFN would like to suggest a small modification to the basic design: mould the blocks with dents in the side, in to which all-weather seating can be slotted to provide somewhere for people to sit when the terrorists are elsewhere.
Terrorism by numbers
An analysis of the recent Barcelona & environs terrorist incidents and attacks has found that locking up everyone called Mohamed, and everyone with a brother called Mohamed, will reduce terrorism by 30%.
That's just typical of Europe
The EU announced more detailed checks on passports at airports a couple of years ago. Instead of just a glance to make sure it looked okay, there would have to be a check with an international databank. Airports in Europe knew this was coming but they have done nothing to maintain passenger flow, such as providing more scrutiny stations, and the queues are round the block and taking hours to process.
What do you find at Barcelona's airport, which is aptly named El Prat? The staff on strike for a 30% pay rise.
Lawyers vs motorists
Ambulance-chasing lawyers have talked the government in to increasing pay-outs to victims of serious accidents as this will increase their slice of the pot. The insurance industry is trying to frighten the government with enormous price rises to pay for the changes, which have been labelled unnecessarily extreme. Which vested interest will win?
About half a cheer
Hooray for our new aircraft carrier, HMS Queen Elizabeth, which has just reached its new home in Portsmouth harbour. Shame it won't actually have any aircraft until next year.
One of the things the new ship is supposed to be able to do is track a tennis ball going at 2,300 mph. But how often is that likely to happen in the real world?
Pathetic excuses No. 812
"When we go to places on holiday, we learn about the culture. You can't get that in a classroom." Offered as a reason for taking kids out of school during term time to avoid rip-off charges by travel companies during the school holidays.
Lookouts? What are they?
What sort of people are the American navy putting in charge of their warships and manning them? Two months ago, the destroyer USS Fitzgerald hit a tanker, killing members of its crew. Yesterday, it was the turn of USS John S McCain to hit another tanker and kill more American sailors.
Do they no longer have radar sets on American warships and does no one bother keeping a lookout to see what's nearby any more?
Shoddy building, or what?
Two people killed by a Richter 4.0 earthquake on the Italian holiday island Ischia in the penultimate week of the month? What sort of cowboy builders are allowed to operate there? R4 is nothing and properly constructed buildings should not fall down in a minor quake of that magnitude.
Classic ‘bodge it and duck'
Four years to fix the Elizabeth Tower, home of Big Ben? Sounds like time to sack the cowboys and bring in some competent builders.
What do MPs do when they are on one of their famous committees? Paying attention to what they are supposed to be scrutinizing seems to be off the agenda if the THREE committees of MPs, who were supposed to be studying the Elizabeth Tower refurbishment, failed to spot that the jobsworths want to silence the clock tower for FOUR years whilst dragging their feet at the expense of the taxpayer. Sounds like some cowboy MPs are due for the chop, too.
Just another thought . . .
If the MPs on the 3 Commons committees looking at the Elizabeth Tower refurbishment job were goosed in to action only when the Daily Mail spotted that what was supposed to be a 26-month job was slipping to 4 years (or more) of the contractors shoving their hands in the taxpayer's pocket, maybe it's time to cut out the middle man. Maybe it's time to sack all the MPs and let the Mail run things.
[Retires to bunker to hunker while the outrage junkies who hate the Mail go BANG! in all directions and start jumping up and down – which will spare them the curse of o'besity. Not that the ungrateful sods will ever say a word of thanks.]
Moderate drinkers can relax for a while. The anti-booze British health nanny, Dame S. Davies, has been overruled by research in America, which found that having a glass of wine or a bottle of beer every evening cuts the risk of an early death by 20%.
More Leftie Tripe
The government's Equality & Human Right's Commission has declared that all jobs must be available on a part-time basis unless an employer can prove genuine business reason for exemption. We all know August is the Silly Season but this piece of the government has stepped over the border into insanity. There's now a clear case for giving everyone involved a zero hours contract and telling them zero means zero!
Surveying the ranks of people who were upset by President Trump's declaration that anti-white racialism is just as bad as white racialism, it's obvious that he got his message exactly on target. Bad people, and their supporters, are bad; whatever their racial, social, etc. origins.
True merit needs to be recognized
There needs to be a Nobel prize, or at least a gold medal, for upsetting the world's outrage junkies and President Trump will be a worthy winner. His deployment of the fake news story about General Perishing and the pig's blood on bullets used to execute Moslem terrorists was an absolute classic of the genre. It captured the essence of the silly season to perfection.
The nation is advisted to stand by for another asteroid near miss in the near future. 2012 TC (that's the year it was spotted on a previous pass) will miss us by 27,000 miles on October 12th. The length of the irregular lump of space debris is estimated at 50-100 feet, so there's no need to panic. Unless you really have to, of course.
A rare opportunity to study the Sun's corona – that's how yesterday's total eclipse across 14 states of the US going from coast to coast, Oregon to South Carolina in a belt 70 miles wide, was being described on the BBC news.
What's wrong with that statement? Well, it's only decades out of date and it applies only to ground-based observers. NASA has sent probes out to orbits around the Sun and they can produce the equivalent of an eclipse to order. Astronomers who want to study the Sun's corona are no longer forced to wait for something that happens for a few minutes every few years.
This means that solar eclipses seen from the Earth are just tourist attractions rather than a main source of science now. And the data gathered in space have the advantage of not being distorted by having an atmosphere in the way.
Five not out
Falls over in amazement but there is someone with a grain of sense at the Bank of England. Despite agitation by the veganalien lobby and other weird religious groups, the plastic fiver is here to stay. Even though it contains a minuscule amount of tallow; which is also present in the plastics used to make bank cards, mobile phones and a host of other consumer goods. Which do not appear to have offended the hobby agitators. Probably because the organizations producing them are too big to be bothered by anything smaller than themselves.
What are schools really for?
The nation's child health experts are advocating breast-feeding lessons for 11-year-old girls and boys, who should be getting to grips with reading, writing and sums at that age. This suggests that the experts are planning as their next move to encourage girls to get pregnant at 12, while there's a chance they might still remember the lessons - possibly as part of a scheme to let women take care of breeding in their teens so that they don't have an interrupted working life? This process will be helped, of course, by a greater focus on sex and relationship education at the expense of academic subjects.
Drug users are doing the bit to ease Britain's relentless population problems. Their death rate is up 72% since the government began to record drug death statistics in 1993.
No way forward
Some ‘international experts' would have us believe that it is ‘inappropriate' for a woman to receive and bring to birth, an embryo whose genes have been edited to remove a genetic defect. They are calling the possibility ‘playing god in an effort to create only the best children possible'.
What's wrong with that? And what is so wrong with playing god by the standards of people who lived thousands of years ago? And those of modern people who have the same mentality?
Every medical intervention which prolongs or enhances a life is playing god by that definition; using antibiotics, cancer treatments, hip replacement, heart transplants, etc. There is nothing wrong with doing a spot of godding. Further, once it is known that something can be done, it will be done. Things cannot be uninvented.
The anti-goddists say they are uneasy about carriers of deadly genetic conditions being branded ‘unfit'. So, with typical fanatics' zeal, they would deny such people the chance to avoid passing on their defect. But that tends to be the trademark of the anti-goddist: no compassion, no pity, no mercy.
There is one small note to gladden the heart of the anti-goddists, however: experience shows that break-throughs like this rarely fulfil their initial hype and things will be just the same as they are today decades hence.
Your mood is fixed by what you eat
A study has found that veggies tend to be miserable gits because they can't help it. Their diet deprives them of vitamins and minerals vital to mental health and a cheerful outlook. In fact, it is possible that a decision to go vegetarian could be a sign of a slump into accelerating depression.
Worth a try
‘Passive vaping' is going to wipe out the human race, according to the latest study; just like passive smoking was going to. Believe the survey's conclusion or not, the notion does offer opportunities for profit. Fire up a spivvy lawyer and drag someone who dares to posture with a vape-gadget next to you to court for compromising your good health. And hope you get a dotty old judge who buys your claim for damages.
It could work.
Being in the EU may be hazardous to your health
What do you get if you eat anything made from eggs manufactured in Holland? Pesticide poisoning.
And the EU had the cheek to pretend there's something wrong with giving chicken carcases a wash with a chlorine rinse to kill bacteria. Even worse, the contamination was detected in November 2016 but the wheels of burrocracies grind so exceedingly slowly in the EU that recall notices are now going out 9 months late. Long after most if not all of the products made with the contaminated eggs have been consumed.
There are always 99 reasons for not panicking
The official line on the contaminated Dutch eggs is that they were withdrawn on a technicality and a risk to public health is unlikely. Another reason, which the EU straw-graspers missed, is that given the length of time some products spend in storage; tales of year-old apples hitting the shops, etc.; it could be that the contaminated eggs have not yet been used and the recall was in time.
[Nurse, he's drifting in to the realm of fantasy again! Ed.]
We are being invited to accept that a doubling of the incidence of knee osteoarthritis since the end of World War Two is due not to people living longer and using their knees more, but because they are sitting down more and not using their knees at all. But how do you wear something out; like knee-joint cartilage, by not using it?
People who don't want the government to take Britain out of the Europeon Union object to being called Remoaners. Ever eager to oblige, responsible members of the Leave majority will now refer to them as Remainiacs.
No wonder they call him Flippin' Eck
Alec Salmond, the former MP, who was rejected at the last general election, is trying to turn himself in to a Scottish Donald Trump (but without the golf courses). Why? Possibly because he thinks that if he upsets the news meeja and the Establishment enough by being outrageous, the people might just make him the first President of Scotland. Which would get right up Wee Burney Sturgeon's nose!
What do you get if you dump your care in a side street nearby instead of using the car park at Luton airport? Smashed windows and scratched paintwork.
Fair doesn't really matter, does it?
First, we had judges rewriting the law. Now we have the Director of Public Prostitutions doing it. It is the law that a case must be tried on the evidence but the DPP is trying to change the definition of evidence to include the defendant's past behaviour and events unrelated to the case in an effort to secure more convictions.
And score Brownie points. Or let dopey old judges score them by letting defendants off after they've been screwed by the cost of an appeal against an obviously dodgy conviction. (Or the taxpayer has forked out the extra cash.)
But good sense always takes a back seat when there are PC Brownie points in prospect.
How do you get away with stealing £350K to blow on a gambling habit? Pick a judge who will believe that you're 'not the general stuff of which the prison population is made'!
Mental crime in all senses of the word
Apparently, the West Midlands police farce has a tick-box labelled ‘non-hate crime incident', which leaves one wondering what other non-crimes it includes on its list of statistical excuses for wasting police time. You can bet ‘solicited outrage non-event' won't be there, given the current obsession with internet trolls of the current Director of Public Prostitutions.
In fact, it could be argued that given the CPS definition of a hate crime as ‘any offence which is perceived by the victim, or any other person, to be motivated by hostility or prejudice', then the arresting officer could be perceived to be committing another hate crime by the act of arrest by both the victim and the victim's mother. And anyone else known to the ‘victim'. Thus the arresting officers would be obliged to arrest themselves also.
No wonder the current DPP and her chums are called the Looney Left.
N. Shah, the Labour MP who's leading the charge against fellow MP S. Champion for exposing the activities of the Asian rape gangs who have been targetting young white girls, would like all the victims of the assaults to shut up in the name of protecting diversity.
So this is the current Labour party policy? That decent people should be too polite to notice when criminals behave badly and their victims should just keep quiet? Actually, that's just what one would expect from J. Corbyn's supporters.
Surprise! It's true! Playing computer games makes your brain rot! A study has found that gamers lose brain tissue in the hippocampus (Latin for horse university, Ed.), the primary memory centre, and the shrinkage could leave a person at greater risk of Alzheimer's disease, depression (especially if they keep losing) and schizophrenia.
Freedom of speech as long as you say only what you're allowed to
What do you get if you dare to mention that Gooble is a swamp of political correctness and run by fascist-minded lefties?
After gazing in wonder at all the RED on the weather map of Europe & North Africa in the paper on the first Saturday of the month, and the number of places with temperatures in the nineties Fahrenheit, or over 100 deg.F, and the sites of the major brush fires from Portugal to the Balkans, it is difficult to avoid the conclusion that God is smiting the Europeons for being rotten to us.
“Torrential rain is swamping England and Wales this month, the news media are saying. And yet, when I look out of the right window, I can see, in the distance, the sun shining on washing, which is swaying in a gentle breeze. Clearly, I live in a part of the country which is invisible to the nation's weather persons.”
Nothing like making life complicated
The National Grid has announced that it is ‘making plans' to cope with the effects of the partial solar eclipse, which will be visible from Britain in 2026. This is yet another example of swindlers trying to bamboozle the public with an imaginary dragon and trying to pretend that they are heroic and wonderful by slaying it.
We are talking about a 90% eclipse, which will last only a couple of minutes. The drop in light level will be brief and well within the limits of available light on an average August day, as far as solar farms are concerned. In fact, people who are indoors and unaware of the eclipse could well not notice it.
But nothing must be allowed to step between the swindler and the heroic pose.
More green crap
Off-shore wind farms are creating a plague of jellyfish as they provide ideal attachment areas for the polyps, which grow to become jellyfish. As well as making life unpleasant for holidaymakers at the seaside, jellyfish also clog the water intake pipes of power stations built beside the sea.
Is MacRon turning into a Putin clone?
The new French president has an ‘A‘ in posturing but an ‘F' in politics for the initial part of his reign. He is currently projecting himself as a military hero; who has just received the resignation of the head of his armed forces over irreconcilable differences.
Those spectating from the sidelines are now wondering how long it will it be before he's doing the bare-chested beefcake poses. Which will turn out to be too big even for the nation's new, up-sized official portrait picture frames, of course.
Of course, we're to blame!
Jezzer Corbyn's best mate, the current dictator-wannabe of Venezuela, is claiming that all the vote-rigging in the elections at the end of last month was done by malicious Brits. Unspecified 'gringos' are also getting a share of the blame.
The regime was known to be on stand-by to tweak the result in the event of a turn-out by more than 100% of the number of registered voters, but a boycott by opposition parties, and blockades of polling stations, necessitated just a spot of exaggeration about the actual turn-out.
Danzig ist Deutsch; it says so on the stamps
If Poland gets some billions of euros in WW II reparations from Germany, will the Germans be entitled to reclaim East Prussia, Pomerania and all the other former German bits currently occupied by the Poles? Fair's fair, after all.
Apparently, all the pictures of riots, police violence against citizens and fires in the streets in Venezuela were stage-managed by his enemies as part of a proxy war against the blessed J. Corbyn. Now U kno.
Rhetoric of the season
Are we worried about The Donald and Kim Dong-long rattling sabres? Hey, it's the silly season. What else do you expect?
The fate of S. Champion, MP, ditched from the shadow cabinet for writing about sex abuse of white girls by grooming gangs of men from Moslem countries, tells its own story. White supremacists are just a tiny minority compared to the gangs of anti-white racialists and their allies in the ranks of the fascist left.
Mx Champion is proving to be a champion of the Labour way, however. Having consorted with the enemy in the shape of Labour's bête noire The Sun, she is now trying to row away from the pariah with some obligatory weasel words.
“The tragedy for the lady is that she had to go to the enemy to get her story out there. Presumably, because theGrauniad, the BBC and the other usual suspects didn't want to know. Now, she faces the struggle of recovering her right-onness in an unforgiving environment.”
“That was definitely it: the Sun being allowed to claim the moral high ground when the usual suspects wouldn't.”
The Curse of Corbyn
A few years ago, Jeremy Corbyn was praising Venezuela as a socialist paradise. As a result, a country with HUGE oil reserves is now broke and starving, the currency is worthless and the people are on the streets in protest against attempts to make the place a tin-pot dictatorship.
Maybe we should feel glad that Jezzer never has a good word to say about his own country, which spares us his kiss of death.
The common touch
What do Reince Priebus, Anthony Scaramucci and Dan Scavino have in common? They have all been fired by President Trump as part of his campaign to obtain White House staff in positions like Chief of Staff and Fake News Guru with regular names so that the people can identify with them and appreciate them.
President Putin's stunt double has been giving subscribers to Rainbow News a treat. He's off doing the bare-chested fishing thing in the Siberian backwoods. There are hints that Emmanuel MacRon has auditioned for the part to give himself something to do when the French electorate realizes that he's a political duck egg.
The notion that President Trump's belligerent stance vis a vis North Korea's missile threats plays in to the hands of KJ-whoever is just BS. Kim's apologists would have us believe that it will put the people of North Korea even more firmly behind their blessed leader. But everyone knows that Kim's customers will accept whatever he tells them, or pretend to, if they know what's good for them and irrespective of what is going on outside their dump of a country.
La France dit Non!
President McRon's hopes of putting his wife on the public payroll have been dashed. His attempts to change the French constitution to create the post of Mrs. President & First Lady were swamped by a tide of protest from customers who have been swindled by the family scams of previous French presidents, prime ministers, city mayors, etc.
For the record
The chaos and the million deaths following partition of British India as India plus East (now Bangladesh) and West Pakistan was not the fault of the British. It happened because Moslem and Hindu leaders could not bear the thought of having to share power after a very small number of British moderators left them to it. It happened because Moslems hate Hindus and vice versa.
Of course, there is not a word of thanks for the railways and technology and access to higher educational institutes received courtesy of the British. Not to mention democracy and a civil service and the status of being the No. 12 industrial nation in the world back in 1947.
The Bungling Scrounger Party?
Wee Burney Sturgeon doesn't like her party's name because people might think they are Scottish Nazionalists, especially in view of her ambition to become her nation's first Führer. We could also mention her party's decade of undistinguished and wasteful rule north of the border, should we wish to make the truth hurt even more.
Bound to be a rip-off if it's British Gas
British Gas would have us believe that it has to put up its electricity price by one-eighth because of the cost of the government's Green Crap. Ofgem, the toothless industry watchdog [Risk of tautology here? Does any have teeth? Ed.], says BG is lying.
The government, which was promising to cap rip-off energy bills at one time, says legislation to 'combat' the energy market is in no way off the table. Translation: don't hold your breath.
Trying to buy friend?
Chancellor Hammond is giving £80 MILLION to Brazil out of the pockets of British taxpayers. Brazil has the world's ninth biggest economy and it is one of the more corrupt places in the world. Hammond has the world's smallest brain.
Hammond's next stop is Argentina. British taxpayers are advised to brace themselves for more largesse.
The EU's 28 unelected commissioners cost the taxpayer at least £3 million in travel expenses last year; legitimate and junket. Of course, no receipts are required with the expenses claims.
The Osborne Project Fear came up with a list of 111 countries which wouldn't want to do a trade deal with Britain post-Brexit. 105 of them have indicated that they are interested in a deal. Not a brilliant strike rate, George.
We're not doomed!
Surprise! Compared to other countries in Western Europe, Britain's spending on healthcare is at the average level, according to a survey reported to the British Medical Journal. This is news calculated to upset a lot of shroud-wavers in the ranks of the BMA and the Labour party.
The Right Man for the Odd Job
Rumour has it that President Putin's body double will be doing Daniel Craig's undressed parts in the next Bond film when the old guy (all of 49) does his swan song as 007. If he's getting around $100 million for it, let us hope, for the production company's sake, that it doesn't turn out to be a turkey or a dead duck.
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He's been called the Blogger of the Decade
His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!
“You do kind of expect to hear that the head of student equality at Cambridge university has ended up in trouble for making lots of nasty, racialist posts on anti-social meeja. That sort of character always feels that the rulz don't apply to it.”
Death squads at the ready!
When they get old, politicians become increasingly outrageous to get themselves noticed. Like a former London mayor, who is claiming that the president of Venezuela is letting his country sink in to chaos because he's not killing everyone who disagrees with him.
Further, the ex-mayor thinks that might just be a good solution for our problems here in Britain. Thus if we kill all our nation's enemies, starting with the ex-mayor and the Bremoaners, we will solve our overcrowding problems at a stroke. And think of all the carbon dioxide production which will be avoided! The EU will love that.
Raising a nation of pathetic wimps
The education system wished upon us by the leftie luvvie Blob is creating snowflakes who are unable to distinguish between real and imagined risks. This is a direct result of excessive 'elf ‘n' nazi policies and cotton-wooling, the Chief Inspector of Schools has determined. The Blob is churning out children who lack resilience and grit, and who are unable to deal with everyday crises and risks. And also ones who are unable to see through the flim-flam of politicians like Jeremy Corbyn and his mates!
The bureaucratic mind at work
A-Level exam papers have been made tougher to combat years of dumbing down by The Blob, thanks to Michael Gove's efforts. But the exam regulator is going to reduce the number of marks required for a top grade to prevent a dip in the apparent success rate. Plus ccedil;a change, plus c'est la même chose.
Five more front-bench dismissals and Corbyn, J. will have his hundred up! Who says he's not trying? (Very trying indeed)
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