The prime minister thought it was a good idea to wheel Cabinet ministers into her lair @ Downing Street one at a time (to prevent collusion and mutual support) and confronted them with a 500-page document containing her suggested Brexit deal.
The zombies were told they had to read all that bumf on the spot and they couldn't take a copy home. How much would they be able to absorb to take to the next day's full Cabinet meeting? Not enough to offer a sensible opinion, that's for sure.
A good Cabinet is one which is baffled to a standstill with bumf, seems to be the May philosophy.
'Moderate' Tories are being touted as good people by the PM's pals and Brexiteers are bad, bad, bad. Translation: the ‘moderates', who will take whatever they're given like good cannon fodder, are preferable to people who have views and principles and can think for themselves enough to challenge the political Establishment.
And something similar applies to Labour, as far as their ‘moderates' are concerned; except that their good zombies are Corbynites and the bad zombie 'moderates' are Blairites, so not a lot of principles to be found anywhere.
NATO is on the way out
The French and the Germans are dead set on forming a Europeon army – under their control, natch – because the French president sees the US as an enemy as dangerous as Russia or China. The outgoing German chancellor sees an EU army as a way of welding other potential leavers to the main body. This is a certain recipe for the US to drop Europe if the Europeons continue to refuse to pay their fair share of NATO costs. Then everyone will win.
“Surprise! Nigel Farage was dead right about this particular scam.” T.D.
Paramedics are receiving training in how to deal with violent thugs as the police always seem to be somewhere else when they are needed. Maybe we should just go the whole hog and issue paramedics with cattle prods and guns to let bad guys know that they're in for a world of hurt if they get uppity.
We're still getting morons in office talking about 'combatting' climate change. They still haven't got the message that we can adapt to it but fighting it is going to be a losing battle and a waste of time and money.
Their latest scam is a demand from the Miliband Ministry of Climate Change for farmers to plant trees instead of allowing cattle and sheep to occupy farmland. This will make a completely insignificant change to the amount of methane going into the atmosphere. No doubt these experts are already working on a scam to turn cellulose into something vaguely edible. [But unlikely to be digestible. Ed.]
But hey, if it puts cash in the pockets of the morons at the MMCC, what do they care?
“Cellulose products that pass through the digestive system without being absorbed while creating the sensation of having eaten something? Just what we need to solve the o'besity crisis. As long as fat people not eating these products instead of food is made a criminal offence, of course.” A.S.
Vote Labour, Lose Your House That's what Labour's appalling alternative chancellor proposes if he ever gets to inhabit part of Downing Street. Property is theft unless it's a Labour government doing the stealing.
The 20 Premier League clubs are being asked to cough up £250K each to buy a £5 MILLION leaving present for their departing chief executive. But a peerage doesn't cost anywhere near that much; at least, it didn't when Tony B. Liar was PM; and he'd enjoy it much more than whatever his stooges have in mind.
“I wonder how much the Tories will raise for TheRazor May's leaving present? Are there any pound shops still around?” T.W.
"I'm still holding out for a people's vote," says a Bremoaner reactionary living in Germany. At the risk of repeating ourselves and others, who does he think voted in 2016? Penguins?
The fashion industry is having a bit of a headache. Selling real fur invites an arson attack from a terrorist gang. Selling fake stuff pollutes the planet with the bits of microplastic which fall off it. And saving the planet by selling real fur as fake is in jeopardy because of interfering busybodies.
They talk about democracy but they clearly don't believe in it
We keep hearing a lot about the dangers of handing the governance of the country to an unreconstructed Marxist "I'm against everything" like Jezzer Corbynski. But if that's the outcome of a democratic general election (with the usual Russian assistance), what gives all these Jerimiah creeps the right to deny the people their will?
Like Bremoaners and the EU, they believe in democracy only when it produces the result they want.
Too many bodies to contemplate
TheRazor May has promised to protect the Christian lady A. Bibi, who is being persecuted by religious extremists in Pakistan. But our PM feels unable actually to do anything for fear that the British consulate in Islamabad will suffer the same fate as the US embassy in Tehran during the Jimmy Carter years.
Or, given the state of things in Pakistan, the probability that the building would be burnt to the ground with everyone kept inside it by the Taliban, which would allow the Pakistani government to plead 'Not me, Gov!'
The opinion polls appear to suggest that Tory voters have no appetite for a change of leadership but they do want the current PM to shape up and deliver the Brexit promised instead of a sell-out to the EU.
“She obviously thinks she's the bee's knees but the Emperor thought his new clothes were magnificent until some punk kid punctured his bubble of delusion.” K.K.
“If the PM is to be defenestrated, could someone arrange for it to be streamed live on the internet? Also, it would be nice if resale of tickets for the event was banned to prevent scalpers from profitting from a national occasion.
“p.s. Which window will be used?” P.G.
The Saudis have decided that they can get away with killing 5 members of the gang which murdered the dissident journalist J. Khashoggi. The crown prince at the top of the tree is too big to touch, of course.
Public Service Announcement
He's been called the Blogger of the Decade
His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!
The chairman of the National Police Chiefs' Council has fired a shot across the bows of the jacks-in-office at the top of the police in England and Wales. The police, she insists, should be directing limited resources at real crimes like burglary and violent assaults rather than moaning about The Cuts and wasting what money is available on recording the details of non-crimes, investigating spurious complaints about hysterical crimes and inventing new imaginary crimes.
The Corbyn propaganda machine is winning. Only 38% of people feel able to call him anti-Semitic. The rest are either too intimidated to speak out or not bothered by the issue.
Following the sacking of the world-renown writer W. Sitwell from his job on the Waitrose foodie magazine after a pissant moan by a vegan, this month has been declared International Disrespect a Vegan Month.
Voting Labour out of office in 2010 has reduced the number of children living in a home dependent on state benefits by 600,000.
The real world fights back
Transport ministers from the EU states have branded the EU Commission's wish to abolish daylight saving [for the sake of being seen to do something to earn all that pay and free booze. Ed.] just plain unrealistic and liable to create the complication of time zones across Europe; especially between the awkward sods in the Irish Republic and Northern Ireland.
Needless to say, the idea came from the EC's comic opera president J.C. Druncker.
The storms at the end of October have created chaos up and down Italy, and the bill for fixing all the damage will be in the zillions of euros. Coastal tourist destinations were devastated, heritage sites in Venice were flooded and the storms even managed to write off hundreds of brand new Maserati cars when a huge fire broke out at the port of Savona following an electrical fault caused by flooding.
Halloween howls from museums
The nation's grand museums, including the V&A and the Natural History Museum, have invested in a Bremoaner package. They're moaning that they'll have to close down in the event of a WTO Brexit because the current management won't be able to cope.
But no closure will be necessary if the obvious course of action is followed sack all the can't-do parasites and bung in a gang of can-doers.
World of woe
A sports minister in the 'who she?' category resigns in a huff over the failure of the Treasury to do what she wants on the issue of the amount that can be staked in fixed-odds betting machines. Suddenly, it's a HUGE a crisis for the prime minister! But only in the minds of fantasists and newspaper editors rather than real people.
Trump takes a tough line on invaders
Chuck rocks at US troops at the border with Mexico, as you did to Mexican troops, the US president warns the northward marching migrant army, and the troops will open fire. The US has quite enough rock-throwing scumbags without letting more into the country.
The migrants' claim to be asylum seekers has been undermined by their refusal to settle in Mexico, but they claim that Mexico is run by drug gangs and crooked politicians, just like the countries they come from. Which sounds like they could be extremely picky about the areas of the US where they would be prepared to accept hospitality. Which will do their cause even more damage.
“Which American president said this, Trump or Obama: 'We simply cannot allow people to pour into the U.S., undetected, undocumented, unchecked and circumventing the line of people who are waiting patiently, diligently, lawfully to become immigrants in this country.'
“Clue: it was said before anyone had thought of Trump as a presidential candidate.” G.R.
The bloke who went to a Halloween party dressed in a blood-stained towel-head outfit with a mock severed hand has been outed as . . . ITV's head of comedy. Which says rather a lot about the state of comedy (is there any?) on ITV.
Airline predators Ryangrounded and Wizz Air are both being investigated by the Italian anti-trust watchdog for deliberately misleading customers over true ticket prices via cabin luggage scams.
Bunglers at DfID are handing vast amounts of taxpayers' cash to criminals and imposing a significant extra cost on the taxpayer in the form of the big share of the £37 BILLION a year cost of tackling organized crime.
Leap on, leap off
Some police chiefs have jumped on the NPCC lady's bandwagon and supported her desire for police to investigate real crimes instead of the imaginary ones invented by the likes of Labour's D. Abbott. The only downside to this is that the top coppers are liable to leap onto a contrary bandwagon at some point in the future if they think it will have career advantages, which is exactly how New Labour's PC crap was spread in the first place.
The government is upset by police chiefs jumping on the 'back to basics' bandwagon just when the Cabinet is close to a decision on whether a new post of Minister for Wolf-Whistles will be created at the Home Office or the Environment Department.
“Point of information the NPCC lady was playing the Tory Cuts dirge not too long ago as an excuse for not bothering to investigate these crimes she's suddenly so keen on tackling. So her 'outburst' looks like nothing more than some cynical notice me showboating.” A.B.
Boiling hot and dangerous or just a barely measureable change?
Britain's climate is getting a little bit warmer, the Met Office claims, but not to an appreciable degree. It's like these fracking 'earthquakes' we keep hearing about from alarmists; something which can be detected by sensitive instruments but which isn't felt at ground level.
Natch, the shroud-wavers are fixing on every slight disadvantage and ignoring the benefits of a slighly warmer world. Typical examples include warning that a few elderly people will die prematurely in a slightly warming summer and ignoring the thousands who will be better off in a warmer winter. Cold kills more people than heat, but the GWS don't want to hear that.
“Deaths of old people in the UK during last winter between December and March were at an 18-year high. No wonder the GWS don't want to hear that.” B.A.
Dave the Former Leader is dropping hints that he would like to return to government; once Mrs. May has been seen off; as the Foreign Sec. His big problem is that no one is picking them up.
Whatever you want, we're against it
Jezzer Corbyn is got a taste of his own medicine during the Budget debate from the Bliarites in his party. He ruled that Labour would not vote against raising income tax threshholds. The Bliarites did, knowing that their gesture would be as futile as any of Corbyn's during his long and undistinguished career on the public-sector payroll.
“Why does the Labour party hate the middle classes and the rich? After all, they pay for everything. It's probably just a case of a socialist being unable to resist biting the hand that feeds it.” N.C.
“Plus, the rich are a constant reminder of how worthless these socialists are.” P.M.
Infamy for real!
MP A. Rudd resigned from the job of Home Sec. as a result of deliberately being fed misleading information by her civil servants, an investigation has found. As is customary, no civil servants will be sacked, demoted or otherwise disciplined for choosing not to do the job they're paid to do.
The police farce of the Metropolis is investigating leaked claims that the Labour party has been sitting on evidence of anti-Semitism which could amount to criminality. A full and complete dismissal of all charges is expected . . . before the end of the century. [But not long before. Ed.]
More 'Not Me Guv'
The management of the BBC is quite indignant that The News Quiz on Radio Four has been busted for persistent anti-Tory bias. Not our fault, say the BBC bosses. They can't find any right-wing comedians. But as the bosses are the sort of people who think some left-whinger millionaire yelling "Thatcher" is the height of hilarity, it comes as no surprise that they don't know where to look.
Takeaway fast-food joints, bookies and off-licences are getting the credit for reducing the life expectance of the people in their customer zone.
They are saving the nation a fortune in paying out old age pensions and looking after the helpless aged. An average reduction of life expectancy of 2½ years is being achieved at present.
The NHS is another beneficiary of these public-spirited servants of the greater good.
The management of the NHS has an interesting solution to the problem of bullying, harassment and sheer bad manners in the workplace letting it flourish. Currently, 40% of doctors think that it is a serious problem. But when the magic figure of 51% is reached, bullying and other bad behaviour will be perceived as the norm and anyone who objects to it can be sacked for being anti-social.
Q: One day we'll wake up and there will be no elephants and we'll ask 'How did that happen?'
A: The same way the dinosaurs became extinct.
Money for nothing
If you have rescue cover with the AA or the RAC for your vehicle, don't expect anything resembling good service and do expect to have to pay someone else to rescue you if you get into trouble.
There is a regulator for companies which sell policies but none for what sort of service should be delivered. And as both the AA and the RAC have separate selling and rescue divisions, they are comfortable with not delivering on the rescues, knowing there isn't a regulator to slap fines on them.
There are food fads and acts of sheer food lunacy. Grilling a pineapple for 12 hours so that it's 'so tender they you can eat it down to the core' has to take the biscuit as a cruel and unusual punishment for any item of fruit.
The core of a properly ripe pineapple can be eaten without cooking. It's a bit chewey but our expert assures us it definitely does not need to be cooked for 12 hours.
Fair has to mean fair (unless the political Establishment is involved)
Funding for political votes, we are told, should be open and transparent. It should also be fair, but you'll never get politicians to agree to that. Which means that even if the minor part of the Leave campaign in the Brexit referendum got £8 million from the Russians, that doesn't match the over £9 million which Dave the then Leader spent on his propaganda leaflet and all the rest of the government's Bremain spending.
Remain : £28.4 MILLION
Leave : £13.4 MILLION
Not exactly fair.
DfID Dolts Strike Again
Where did the £330 MILLION which India spent on their world's biggest statue come from? Out of the £1,200 MILLION of overseas aid handed out by our stoopid government. And the change? Well, the Indians do have a space programme to run, which we pay for.
Prince Chuck is 'tackling' Britain's part in the slave trade? Wouldn't it be nice if the leaders of the African countries where slaves were rounded up and flogged off to Arabs and Europeans did the same? After all, without the active co-operation of their ancestors, there wouldn't have been a slave trade in the lower second half of the second millennium.
Feeling left out
Some of the five million people living in the UK and the EU held a Bonfire Night demo in London in an attempt to get our PM to safeguard the post-Brexit citizenship rights of Europeons living in the UK and Brits living in the EU. They are calling upon Mrs. May to do the decent thing and ring-fenced their rights regardless of the outcome of the Brexit negotions.
They are not bothering to demonstrate in Brussels and other European capitals because they know that the Europeon Establishment always operate in bad faith and wouldn't do the decent thing to save their own lives.
The Swiss have the right idea. As a result of an initiative launched by the Swiss People's Party in 2016, those caught begging in the streets of towns in Vaud canton face a fine of 100 francs (£77) when caught, which has led to protests from the professional beggars' trade association.
The Justice Ministry, prop. D. Gauke, has included a new stealth tax in the budget. From April 2019, the probate fee currently £215 for DIY customers and £115 for those using a solicitor and a fee to cover the cost of the work done; will become an extension of death taxes based on the value of the estate.
This is the sort of slimy trick which we have come to expect from the likes of Gordon F. Broon and George 'Ten Jobs' Osborne. If the scam gets through Parliament, it will cost the Tories a lot of votes. Not to mention a lot of cash support.
What's the latest whinge from some boo-hoo bugger? Someone contributed a recipe for a traditional Persian dish containing Indian spices to a supermarket magazine. Next thing you know, some Iranian got the hump and called the cookery experiment casual racism.
That's Iranian, not Persian, so who cares what he thinks, right?
[Many thanks for our archivist for reviving the graphic from May 2004. Ed.]
One day, we were being told that it would take a generation to halt the violent crime wave in London. The next, London's comic opera mayor was tossing 10 years around. What will it be tomorrow? Six months?
All is revealed to those with the fortitude to continue with the political puff. Bus driver's son Mr. Khan thinks 10 years is a generation rather than 30 years. Clearly, he did a lot of bunking off when he should have been at school.
The human TV audience for the tediously PC token female Dr. Who has shrunk by one-quarter. No figures are available for aliens.
Women who need to be kept alive with CPR are running increasingly out of luck. Most men won't do it in case they are accused of 'inappropriate touching'. And, surprisingly, women are even less keen to do a spot of sisterly life-saving.
This month, equality reached a historic mark the retirement age for females has caught up with that for males. The state pension age is now 65 for both, and it will rise to 66 in 2020.
The Electoral Commission, a proven haven for Bremoaners, is going after A. Banks because it suspects that part of the Leave campaign got foreign cash via him. No sign of a similar investigation of the Remain campaign for taking money directly from foreign meddler G. Soros.
Our neighbours across the English Channel have tried left-wing, right-wing and centre-ground governments. The verdict of the people is that they have all been merde. Maybe that should be 'wither France'. Unless there's another alternative which no one has thought of before.
Virtual cross purposes
The director general of Cairo's Grant Egyptian Museum would like us to ship the Rosetta stone to him and put a VR replica on display in the British Museum in its place.
He thinks that the existence of virtual reality technology means that there is no need for the stone to be in Britain. Which ignores the converse, namely that by his own argument, there is no need to move it to Cairo if VR is so great.
White people are being told that they can't talk about race. Why? They don't have an opinion worth sharing because they don't know that it means to be black. The trouble is, they are being told this by black racialists, who don't know what it means to be white and, therefore, have opinions which are not worth sharing. Not that it ever stops them from sounding off, of course.
Home office minister goes out of his tiny mind
B. Wallace thinks that driver-only trains will deprive the nation of guards, who can tell at a glance if a kid on a train is a drug mule. Where do they get these people from?
“Like any self-respecting train guard is going to look at a 12-year-old kid with the Scotland Yard Nonce Squad still looking for business to justify its existence.” L.M.
Blue for blood
If exposure to blue light is as good as drugs for bringing down elevated blood pressure, does that mean that everyone who used a mobile phone with a screen or a tablet PC is getting the benefit of this phenomenon?
Probably not if doctors are recommending just half an hour of blue light treatment at a time. The amount of time that addicts spend with their phones and tablets is more than likely enough to give them zero BP if they fail to take occasional breaks!
Okay, Sir D. Attenborough is an icon but that doesn't mean he can't spout total bollocks. Humans have become the greatest threat to the health of the planet? But planets don't have health.
Was the Earth healthier when it was hotter and populated by dinosaurs? Nope. Was it healthier when it was a frozen ice-ball? Nope.
What Sir D. really means is that humans are doing things which he doesn't like. But does the planet care what he thinks? Nope.
How do you prevent a celebrated BBC radio presenter from speaking at an Oxford U. do? Threaten to no-platform her for having views which snoflakes won't listen to and make her decide she's washing her hair that night.
International 'Eat Two Cakes Day' is nearly upon us . . .
Nice to know the crime wave isn't just confined to London. The gangs mainly stab people in London. In Malmö in Sweden, they use guns. According to police statistics, fewer shots have been fired this year compared to corresponding periods in 2016 and 2017. Which might just mean that the BGs are getting a bit more accurate . . .
Those bloody Russians can't get on with anyone
The Austrians, one of Russia's few allies in Europe, made a bit of a stink about an army officer, who has been spying for the Puntinocracy for decades. Next thing you know, the Austrian government was grovelling to the Russkies and hoping that finding the spy wouldn't affect bilateral co-operation in the future. No wonder Putin thinks he can get away with anything.
The Republicans are in full hue and cry mode in Florida, where they are accusing the Democraps of trying to steal the election for the state's governor. The controversy is not helped by certain election officials choosing to hide information about the number of votes cast and counted such that the Republicans had to go to a state judge to get access to the information.
Jo Johnson said in his letter of resignation from the job of transport minister that his departure from the Cabinet was not an attempt to oust TheRazor May. Analysts are concluding that there is an implicationthat if it does happen, however, it will be a bonus.
“I wouldn't like the United Utilities phone bill!”
Our Romiley correspondent writes on the second Saturday of the month : “Water pressure unusually low in the morning. I walked past a stretch of roadside kerb where water was gushing up through the gaps when I went out for a morning paper.
“There were two UU vans on the site, one with a small digger attached to the back of it, and the blokes had deployed a set of traffic lights to isolate a section of the northern carriageway of the main road through the village.
“When I was on the way back home with my newspaper, the blokes were still hanging around and doing nothing. Filled the kettle when I got home.
“The first phone call from the UU recorded voice told me there had been a leak and apologized for the inconvenience. The next two were to tell me that there were people at work fixing the problem. Ominously, the next call told me there were, in fact, two leaks and I was advised to store some water in case they had to turn off the supply to fix the leaks; which didn't happen.
“The final call came at around 8:15 p.m. to announce that the work had been completed and thanking me for my patience.
“You're welcome, UU!”
AFTERTHOUGHT This is a lot better than UU did with the last leak on our main road. That one took over a month to fix. GK how much expensive treated water vanished down drains from that one.
Thought for Remembrance Sunday
“Contrast all the pomp and ceremony of the 100th anniversary of the end of World War I, and the tributes to our veterans, with the persecution of those veterans still living by the Police Service of Northern Ireland, crooked solicitors and sections of the British government, and it's easy to understand what the concept of DoubleThink is all about.” C.M.X.
“The message coming from the world's political leaders, who are on jaunts to France this weekend, is that a gulf is opening between nationalism and libertinage, and some of the common people are posing a direct threat to the perks and predations of the political Establishment.” R.D.
SNP has it in for red squirrels?
Conservation groups in Scotland are worried that the Scottish government will let red squirrels become extinct there post-Brexit. With our exit from the EU just months away, the conservationists are alarmed that the SNP government has made no effort to replace the funding they receive from the EU which, of course, comes from British taxpayers after the EU has skimmed a share off it to pay the wages of pointless bureaucraps.
No cash, no squirrels, is the message from the conservationists.
The planet fights back?
Those who claim that the planet is a living entity, which is under threat from human activities, will be overjoyed to learn that around 50% of the countries in the world have gone into population decline. Birth rates are no longer high enough to replace their current populations.
Which is good news for anyone struggling to find a parking space or somewhere to live.
Tommy Atkins, drop dead
There's a world of difference between the amount of military appreciation that goes on at NFL and CFL matches and the six or seven decades of shameful betrayal of our armed forces by successive British governments.
We have the police in Northern Ireland persecuting service personnel who were sent there to keep the warring natives apart. We have the NI police ignoring the terrorists living among them. Troops who served in any conflict after World War II are at the mercy of corrupt lawyers, who have active co-operation from government departments.
No wonder the armed forces are short of recruits. Who'd sign up for the treatment on offer today?
Is it really safe to goggle it?
How much data does goggle collect about you?
What do they do with the data?
[There's not an awful lot you can do with nuffink!]
Does goggle ever attempt to track its users? [Nope]
The evidence says that searching with goggle is 100% safe and secure.
Is this a wreath I see before me?
Oh, Jezzer Corbynski maintained the glorious socialist tradition of looking scruffy at the Cenotaph on Remembrance Sunday. Probably to confirm further his ‘there but not involved' credentials.
You might be; we ain't
According to parts of the insane National Trust charity, we all became common after the first millennium of the current calendar started. This is the only conclusion to be drawn from a decision to label events which occured in BC years as Before 'Common' Era and events in AD years as 'Common' Era.
Still Jezzer's passenger
Diane ‘The Genius' Abbott is the 2nd most well-known member of the shadow cabinet after J. Corbynsky. Unfortunately, that means that everyone also knows that she's useless and that's why she has the lowest approval rating of the gang.
There's an allegedly major Mexican drug cartel leader going on trial in the US. He's called El Chappo. Is that Spanish for 'The Man'?
Below the line mission statement: We are constantly exposed to dodgy conclusions drawn from dodgy data by the 'experts', especially those found in the world of politics and especially those at the Treasury and in opposition. Some of us civilians at BFN like to join in to let them know that anyone can do it and we ain't impressed by their efforts.
|Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression|
to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium. © RAL, November MM18.