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 2017/December 
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space news
 SPACE NEWS 

Xmas waste of time & money
bullet Some of our 'experts' have so little to do with themselves that they think checking A/207U, a piece of space debris currently hurtling through the solar system at nearly 2% of the speed of light, for electromagnetic signals.
   They have convinced themselves that the quarter-mile-long needle is dense enough to be made of metal and they think it could have been sent here by little green men from a galaxy far, far away.
   What they would dearly love is to pick up mobile phone-type signals and confirm their own theory that it is a probe dropped off by a mothership to investigate us; and proof that WE ARE NOT ALONE.
   Natch, none of the 'experts' is paying for the use of all the serious astronomical gear needed for their junket.

 TRAVEL NEWS 

 
No improvement
bullet Fancy gadgets which cost a ton of money to fix when they go wrong are all very well, but a good old-fashioned steering-wheel lock is now becoming the weapon of choice for people trying to prevent the theft of their fancy car. It can be hacked, but it's a hacking-off with a hacksaw job, which takes a lot longer than pushing a couple of buttons.

No great rush, then?
bullet The government has taken 50 years to realize that the Beeching cuts; an early example for Fred the Shred to follow; to the railway network were a disaster. They devastated rural areas and put freight on the roads to create our current gridlock and air pollution problems. Reviving old railway lines, where they haven't been built on; still a government aspiration; is a good idea. H2S; government boneheaded policy; isn't.

Clingon Rossi
bullet We're not getting rid of motorbike champion Valentino Rossi anytime soon. He's always zooming off somewhere, which makes a steady relationship with another human bean so difficult that he reckons that he is: "happily married to his motorbike, which reciprocates his love, if not always." Which explains September's broken leg, which put him out of competition for all of three weeks.

Far Queue symbol M. Hill, QC, would like British-born failed jihadis to be allowed back into the country to be 'reintegrated'. Let us hope that he is standing next to one of them when the undesirable decides to reintegrate him/herself into the landscape explosively.

Stamps celebrating Brexit
We're definitely on our way!

 DOSH NEWS 

 
Cowboy accounting
bullet People can't get cash in lightly populated areas because banks have closed branches but there are still ATMs in shops. Which prompted local councils to come up with the bright idea of shoving an extra £5,000 on their business rates.
   Of course, the result with be even fewer cash machines and no extra cash for the councils. But practical considerations have never ever stood in the way of thoroughly boneheaded ideas in the public sector.

More Wasted Breath
bullet According to the 'experts', the government's year-on-year increases in the NHS budget have not kept pace with demand. But given that the NHS is a bottomless pit, even if it were given all the cash in the world, it would still demand more. Which means that the conclusion, as with much that we hear from 'experts' is worthless.

Standard Operating Procedure
bullet Is anyone surprised to learn that the people shovelling Britain's aid cash down black holes are dumping it into the pockets of terrorists as well as spivs in their desperation to make it disappear? Of course not. That's what they do.

Just following form
bullet Labour councils are being advised to hide their vast reserves abroad in case Corbyn Labour wins the next election and wrecks the British economy, like Labour does. But will the councils be sensible enough to do it?

Failure is the default option
Far Queue symbol The governor of the Bank of England is supposed to keep inflation at 2%. It was 3.1% in November. Wouldn't it be nice if he earned his vast salary and did something other than just writing letters to the Treasury apologizing for his continuing failure?

 FOOD NEWS 

 
Fat & Flaunting It!
bullet The French did it first! The city council of Paris is aiming to eliminate all forms of prejudice [apart from objections to thieving politicians, of course, Ed,] and it made the second Friday of the month the day of a rally against grossophobia. That's distaste for grossly obese people to the rest of us. Experts expect that after French Landwhales have had their chance to big it up, things will just drift back to normal, as they usually do.

Xmas snailJoke of the month
"Why do the French like snails so much?"
"Because they can't handle fast food."

Getting creative with the small print
bullet Quorn, the purveyor of alternatives to meat, has put 12-packs of sausage rolls on sale. They contain only 3 actual artificial sausage rolls but the instructions point out that they can be converted into 12 mini-rolls by the simple expedient of cutting each of the three into 4 pieces. Get out of that!!

Just one glass, please
bullet Britain is become a nation of drunks [becoming? Ed.] thanks to a sinister plot by the people who run wine bars and pubs. Wine glasses have doubled in size over the last 30 years such that the standard glass now holds about 3/4 of a pint; but there are real whoppers around with the capacity to hold a full 750 ml bottle of wine with room to let it breathe.

Romiley News
 ROMILEY NEWS 

How do you know it's cold out?

bullet When you go out to put something in the bottles 'n' tins brown wheely bin whilst doing the washing up and find that the lid has frozen shut in the 12 minutes since you last bunged something into it!

Romiley snow, 20171209
9th December Crisp? Yes. Even? Fairly. Deep? No.

update10th December Transport at a standstill or crawling on motorways, flights cancelled, a foot of snow in places, a whole dismal catalogue on the lunchtime TV news. In Romiley, there's pretty well no snow. What fell on the night of Friday/Saturday melted, pretty much, on Saturday so that on frozen Sunday, there were just some icy patches around.
Snow Sunday? A few flakes in the late afternoon and they didn't linger. Call that snow? Maybe Romiley is getting the benefit of localized global warming; although, it is a bit bloody freezing out!

You live and learn
bullet Snow Sunday in the UK was, in fact, Snowbomb Sunday (everywhere but Romiley) as a result of a bombogenic clash of violently strong winds and stormy weather (except over Romiley) combined with moist airflows from the North Atlantic. We all feel better for knowing that.

Panic!!!
bullet Birmingham has been declared Britain's official "City of Snowflakes" for 2018 following the council's decision to go into lockdown mode because of a bit of snow.
   Schools were closed, hospitals cancelled appointment, buses and trains didn't run — even in areas which had received just a light dusting of snow.
   For the next 12 months, citizens of other metropolitan areas will be allowed to sneer at members of Birmingham's city council for going into full panic mode so unnecessarily.

Typical jobsworth
Far Queue symbol The governor of California is blaming the wildfires in his state, which are on course to be the most extensive ever, on global warming. Bad land management is looking a lot more likely explanation, including preventing the small fires which occur naturally and burn off the underbrush, which is making the current fires so severe.

Home News
 HOME NEWS 
UK Flag

Out of sight . . .
bullet The Chinese have decided to stop taking our low-grade plastic and cardboard waste any more as their 4th World approach to ‘recycling' has been busted embarrassingly by nosy investigators. But there is no need to panic.
   Britain has lots of holes in the ground and one permitted solution to disposal is ‘temporary storage'. All we have to do is get creative with our definition of ‘temporary' and have the courage to tell creeps who try to argue with it to get lost.

Less wood
bullet Tiny rooms in midget modern homes have created enough demand for the creationg of new generations of dwarf Xmas trees. Trees less than three feet tall are now the norm so that the Xmas tree does not take over the room it is in. Virtual trees on the huge wall TV next?

If only they could get real
bullet Our government must know that in all negotions with the EU, there is always some small bunch of spivs; the Irish, in the present case; holding everything up until they get undeserved special treatment. Which makes it all the more strange that the government is bothering to hold talks with the EU, and waste lots of time and taxpayers' money, which would be better spent at home. No deal with the EU is ever worth the effort wasted on it.

Poison-pill Phil
bullet The Chancellor is having a proper bad hair week as the second weekend of the month approaches with promises of freezing temperatures despite all the guff about global warming.
   P. Hammond thinks he can get away with an British Army cut to 50,000 bodies, and he would be happy to pay the EU as much as it demands for its bogus obligations, even if we don't get a decent trade deal.
   The sensible members of his party are now getting some exercise from slapping him down.

Camilla's Xmas nightmare!
Camilla's Xmas nightmare!

Far Queue symbol How to get noticed: The Archbish of Canterbury came up with claiming that grammar schools are a bad idea because they teach kids to read, write and add up, and they thwart his agenda of creating a levelled-out society in which everyone is equally ignorant.

Their version of a good Xmas?
bullet The looney left has gone into a veritable feeding frenzy over the Grenfell Tower fire aftermath. Fake parallel inquiries, fake news, fake history over the cause. [Some bloke with a dodgy fridge; believe nothing else. Ed.] When there is public sector cash to be misused by Toytown quangos, good sense and reason are trampled underfoot by the usual suspects.

A crazy world explained:
bullet
Madassers:
People who run skools were kids are not tort to read 'n' rite.

world news
 WORLD NEWS 

A land of open doors
bullet The Germany Interior Minister, T. de Maizière, is drawing up plans to force manufacturers of cars, phones, computers and all sorts of other tech-gear to build in back-door digital access, which the German security services can use at their discretion. The move is prompted by the increasing difficulty experienced by security services when they try to hack such sources of information. The Interior Minister is seeking to give the authorities an opportunity to snoop without notifying snoopees of what is going on.

The Unwholly Grail
bullet The EU and the Irish were all set to stitch up Mrs. May, and their meeja machine was burbling at full blast, when . . . splat! The wheels came off. The details of the stitch-up reached the boss lady of the DUP and it was a case of once more, "Ulster says NO!!"
   Nice to know that there's one politician in the UK prepared to stick to her guns and stand up for what she thinks is right in the face of an EU swindle.

Trump Unites the World!!
bullet One thing that Donald Trump can never be accused of is a lack of the means to make an impact. Recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel rather than Palestine is a classic example of how he can bring together all the nations of the world. Even if it's to condemn him and call him a nutter.
   His pot stirring also included calculated vagueness, which left everyone making the compromise of West Jerusalem as the potential capital of Israel if the Palestinians could have East Jerusalem. The question to be asked now is what the Christians are going to do about this; will they rise up, or will they just turn both cheeks of the face then both cheeks of the bum?

Putin forever!
bullet Old age pensioner V. Putin has warned the Russian peasants that he intends to do a Mugabe on them and remain their president for another 30 years. Having ‘acquired' an estimated $235 BILLION from the pockets of those Russians who pay taxes already, he is extremely well placed to buy as many election victories as he needs.

 POLITICAL CLAPTRAP 

 
Here's a wonderful conspiracy theory . . .
bullet Chunky Ommuna was on his high horse again around the beginning of the month, going on about how we're in danger of hatred being normalized. But that's what the Labour party lives on. He's not going to score many points with the Corbynites by trying to silence it.

Towards a safer world
bullet As the world is always safer when politicians aren't trying to do something, three cheers for President Trump for making them twat about on Twitter and confect synthetic outrage instead of indulging in dangerous meddling.

Everything of clay
bullet It's not really surprising that the Millennials of GO magazine, who had bought the Corbyn promos, found the man himself underwhelming when confronted with reality and that he was ‘not fantastic with detail'.
   Now they know why J.C. is kept in a box and wheeled out only under carefully stage-managed conditions; some PR which the current Old Labourites learned from the failed New Labour Experiment.

Having it all ways
bullet 25% of NHS nurses are obese, according to the latest survey by the experts. That figure rises to one-third for workers in the care industry. If the Labour party's stories can be believed, and 'The Cuts' have left most NHS staff reliant on food banks, then the service offered by food banks must be truly excellent.

More magic from the money tree
Far Queue symbol Labour's shadow attorney general, Swami Chukkabutty, doesn't agree that British jihadis should be killed rather than be allowed back into the country. She thinks they should be put on trial so that the legal trade can fill its collective pockets at the taxpayer's expense. It's true, there's no interest like self-interest

The Zero Hero
Far Queue symbol Lord Kerslake was told to resign or face the sack over letting the finances of King's College Hospital get hopelessly out of contol. His reaction was to rush to the BBC to play the hero-martyr. Claiming to be a political independent, even though he works for the Labour party, he was known as Bungling Bob when he was head of the civil service and he established a reputation as a clueless plonker. How did he get the job? It was his turn.

Far Queue symbol D. Grieve, sacked from the job of attorney general by D. Cameron, thinks he's out of the same mould as Winston Churchill. All we can say to that is: "Some Brass, Some Neck!"

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Crime News
 CRIME NEWS 

One or the other
bullet Is a 10% drop in the number of drivers caught using mobile phones down to the Daily Mail's campaign to increase the penalties available to the courts? Or is it just something else which the nation's police forces have decided no longer bother them, like burglary and shoplifting?

Self-inflicted justice
bullet Croatian war criminal S. Praljak did the world a favour by executing himself in court after his 20-year sentence for atrocities against Bosnian Moslems was upheld. Maybe saving the taxpayer the cost of incarceration which could catch on.

Politics and the police
bullet "Tories at war with the police" read the Daily Mail headline at the first weekend of the month. Well, as the nation's current top coppers are Blairist tossers — just substitute a pretend Establishment child-abuse ring for Weapons of Mass Deception — with neither integrity nor competence, it's not really surprising.
   Politicians are a shifty lot at the best of time but our expectations for the police are much higher. The leader of the police union in London might be distressed by the loss of public confidence in his members but there are proper channels for the police to use when a crime has been committed.
   Offering accusations of ancient sleaze to the meeja suggests a personal agenda — revenge for suffering the consequences of past abuses of office — which says worse things about the accusers than their targets.
   The current politicized state at the top of the nation's police farces is something else we have to thank New Labour for.

Forlorn hope?
bullet The Police Service of Northern Ireland, which prosecutes British troops but not IRA terrorists, thinks that bumping into someone under the mistletoe constitutes rape. And even posted a warning for the twits on Twitter.
   We could be reassured to know that the police over the water are just as crap as those on the mainland. But we would be enormously more reassured if we had police who weren't crap.

Lost opportunity
bullet Anyone hoping to put a few bob on Russia to top the medal table for next year's Winter Olympics is out of luck. The rest of the world has ganged up on Putinstan and banned it from competing for institutional doping. Which is rather rotten, when you think about the amount of time and energy and sheer ingenuity that the Russkies have put into their cheating.

Freedom from police harassment
reader comment“Motorbike bandits can get away with it by taking their helmets off to avoid police pursuit. Muggers on foot can escape the forces of law ‘n' order by running across boggy ground because coppers hate getting their designer footwear muddy. As the Blesséd Little John says: "You couldn't make it up!"”

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Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression
to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium. © RAL, December MM17.