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 2017/May 
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Theresa May: bossy, a bit scatty, has political convictions of about D. Cameron strength
Jeremy Corbyn: thinks money grows on trees, never met a terrorist he couldn't befriend.
That's the choice, folks.

 HEALTH NEWS 

 
A need for action!
bullet Just a thought, but maybe we need to encourage the crisis-junkies who are convinced that something terrible is going to happen at any second. Why? Because the exercise people get when they're jumping up and down screaming "We're all gonna die!" will do something to help avert the obesity crisis.
red blobOf course, we'll have to encourage them to take turns to do their jumping to avoid knocking the planet out of its orbit. "Oh, no! The Earth has been sent zooming off into outer space! We're all gonna die!"

 SODIUM NEWS 

 
Salt is okay, apparently
bullet For years, we have been told that we have to reduce our salt intake or die of the effects of high blood pressure. Surprise! That ‘link' between salt and blood pressure was created by a doctor who wanted it to be true! And, in fact, not having enough salt in the system can lead to obesity, heart disease, kidney failure, diabetes and loss of libido. Not to mention the fact that food tastes better with a modicum of salt anyway, proving that we are build to handle NaCl, as it is known in the trade.

Keep panicking, chaps!
bullet Global temperatures have continued to decrease after the spike of the 2016 El Niño warming event and the Arctic ice is thickening rapidly. So much for the not-so-great global warming scam.

Unfair, unfair!
bullet We're being told that the dinosaurs were terribly unlucky to have been wiped out by the asteroid which hit the Yucatan peninsula some 65 million years ago. If it had arrived a little sooner or a little later, it would have landed in the sea and caused less devastation, and it was even worse luck that the impact site at Chicxulub was rich in sulphates, which caused devastating global cooling as aerosols high in the atmosphere.
   The implication seems to be that the dinosaurs were swindled by the Universe and they should ask for a recount or their money back. But the tale of woe conveniently ignores the string of volcanic eruptions, which created the Deccan Traps at what is now northern India. The eruptions started 250,000 years before the asteroid hit and continued for another 500,000 years afterwards.
   So it looks like the asteroid was just a blip, even if a big one, in 750,000 years of climate catastrophe; another kick in the teeth rather than a definite death blow. And if everyone knows about it and few people know about the volcanoes, that suggests that the asteroid has a better press agent.

More pseudo-scientific madness
bullet The latest shock-horror global warming story is that it will make pensioners lose an hour and a half of sleep (at night) over a period of one week. And as sleep-deprived people are more susceptible to disease, global warming will kill pensioners off, relieving pressure on the NHS and devastating the care industry.
   But, it has been pointed out, if the elderly have a 15-minute nap every afternoon; something the Warmists don't seem to have considered; they will get an extra 1¾ hours of daytime sleep per week and end up a net quarter of an hour to the good, sleepwise, and not die.

Oh, no! We're doomed another way!
bullet The Met Office has issued a warning that a hole in the ozone layer has settled over Britain and anyone who exposes bare skin to the Sun over the bank holiday weekend has had it!
red blob We also need to wear wraparound shades to prevent the front surface of the eye from being burnt off.

What do they want, exactly?
reader comment“The Warmists are getting on President Trump's case for not rushing to endorse their ruinous scams. But whilst they jump up and down yelling, We're all gonna fry! and hurl about statistics showing that we're having the warmest days/months/years in recorded history, let us just take a moment to wonder how much human history their ‘recorded history' covers.
   Recording most of the ‘official' data began decades (especially satellite data) or up to a century ago, and in a period when the planet is rebounding from a major ice age and also from a mini-ice age. This is a pretty insignificant fraction of the history of a planet which has been covered in ice and covered in dinosaurs at one time or another.
   Something we never seem to hear is what exactly the Warmists think is wrong with the Earth's present climate and what they want to inflict upon us after they have ‘tackled' global warming. Just how cold do they want it to be? And has someone sold them shares in a company which proposes to hold Frost Fairs on the river Thames once we're free of the threat of dying of heat-stroke? And even if the Warmists were able to modify the Earth's climate (which they can't), could anyone trust them to do a competent job of it?
   If consulted, most people would tell the Warmists that the climate is okay and a bit warmer would be really rather quite nice. So when they jump up and down and rave about the hottest year on record and imaginary ‘tipping points' from defective computer climate models and yell, We're all gonna die!, please pardon the rest of us if we tell the Warmists, Yeah, right, you need to calm down, dear.

 EXIT NEWS 

 
Life is a real lottery
bullet Nicky Hayden, the 2006 MotoGP champion, who had moved to the World Superbikes series, gone at 35. He died in hospital after being hit by a car whilst training on a bicycle in Italy. A little girl aged 8, killed with other random victims at a pop concert in Manchester by an Islamist loser with a home-made bomb, and Sir Roger Moore, the Bond with a sense of humour, gone at 89 and probably not all that bothered about it.
   There's the strongest argument for making the most of the time you have because you never know how long it will last.

The Grin Reaper

Romiley News
 ROMILEY NEWS 

All very quiet here

bullet Mayday was a non-event in Romiley. We didn't even get a police car hurtling through the village with its siren blaring and the locals muttering, "Inspector Fiend late for his tea-break again." Meanwhile, in Paris, rioters were chucking petrol bombs at the police; in the southern USA, tornadoes were on the rampage and a month's rain "deluged in a day" on parts of the south of England. There's a lot to be said for a quiet life.

reader comment“Did you know the Manchester area is a coffee production zone to rival Brazil, Colombia or Kenya? Me, neither. And yet one of the many eateries on Compstall Road—No. 29 ROMILEY—offers 'locally sourced coffee' on its external advertising board. Sounds like a good trick!”
reader comment“Maybe they make it out of roasted dandelion roots, as people did during WW II.”

reader comment“Talking about locally sourced, is our Liberal councillor planning to sell cannabis at her shop on Stockport Road when her party makes it legal and taxable? (or even compulsory!)”
reader comment“Now we know what's in the Liberal manifesto, sort of . . . if they win the election next month, can we expect their shop to become a knocking shop rather than a cannabis parlour? Or will it be both?”

Stick a Labour rosette on anything and they'll vote for it
bullet As expected, A. Burnham got the job as Manchester's mayor. That's the man who was health secretary when patients were dying of neglect because the staff at Stafford hospital were too busy doing New Labour bean-counting for him to keep the customers cared for or even alive; the man who was Home Sec. when New Labour was encouraging mass migration to annoy the Tories and trying to build a Labour client population, and the man who was against attempts to check Islamic extremism in the hope that it would help him to curry favour with Moslems.

More and more of the same
bullet Perhaps the most depressing part of the terrorist attack on the Manchester Arena is the sight of politicians of all sorts saying the same old atrocity things again and again. That and knowing that we'll be showered with the same old tired clichés next time it happens.
   The time is over for just talk. The people who do the bombings aren't listening. It's time to kick some doors down, and make known terrorist suspects and their apologists prove they're not up to no good or face sanctions.
   Those of foreign origin should be rounded up and deported. And told they have to make a case for re-entry into the UK from their own country of origin and without legal aid from the British taxpayer.
   The time for patience with terrorists is long gone.
   Yes, the apologists will leap up and down and say taking action against bad people is encouraging people to join their cause. But the recruits would have joined anyway and our country will be a better place with fewer bad people in it.

reader comment“What's the message from our local Liberals in their postman-delivered election communication? That Labour has no chance, there's bound to be a Tory government, so you might as well vote Liberal to give their lady a job, even though she won't be able to achieve anything. Naked self-interest, or what?”

You know what to expect
bullet Does it really merit reporting if Jeremy Corbyn has a car-crash interview on some radio programme? That's what he does. He's not a details man. He's good at making plans to spend vast amounts of other people's money, without having the slightest idea where it's coming from, and at making friends with terrorists and Britain's enemies. And that's it.

The Review Spot

The Man of the Moment!

The highlight of An Evening With J.C., held at the Romiley Arts Centre on Riverside Drive before a packed audience, had to be the artiste's wonderfully researched Frankie Howerd impersonation.
   Our future prime minister's parody of a political speech, done in the manner of the much loved and much missed A-List comedian, had the crowd yelling for "More!" and really meaning it.
   Who says politicians have no sense of humour! This was an evening to remember courtesy of a master of his craft.

   J.F.

Oooooh, Missus!
"Ooooooh, Missus!!"

Crime News
 CRIME NEWS 

Cyber Freedom of Action
bullet The police don't investigate 90% of cybercrimes and just 1% of the reported cybercrime results in a prosecution. Only 25% of prosecutions result in a penalty, however trivial, for the criminal.

reader comment“Maybe I've not been paying attention but where is chiselled onto a tablet of stone that Britain has to be a member of the EU, no matter what? And that an eye-watering payment is due if Britain dares to leave? In other words, what's the crime for which the EU wants to punish us? If the EU thinks we've committed a crime, for which we should be punished, shouldn't they have to make a case to the International Court at the Hague? We certainly won't allow ourselves to be hauled up before the EU's own kangaroo court!”

reader comment“Instead of paying a divorce bill to the EU, we should be getting compensation for the EU's persistent violation of our human right to choose our friends.”

Someone's having a laugh
bullet The Northamptonshire police farce is abolishing traditional police headgear in favour of unisex baseball caps. The scam is intended to encourage sex-swappers and people who don't agree with the concept of gender to join up!
   Perhaps trying to make policing a more attractive career to the majority would be a better idea than trying to hoover up a few individuals out of already tiny minorities? But, of course, that doesn't fit the daft diversity agenda.

Don't bother us
bullet The West Midlands police farce is seeking to reduce its interactions with the public further by asking victims of crimes to write and upload their own statements, along with any photos or video footage they might have been able to take. The chief constable thinks that the public are just as capable as the police when it comes to gathering and recording evidence.
   Sounds like a recipe for shysters to run riot over the evidence in court and keep dangerous criminals out of gaol. And, of course, the scam would make it easier for the police to file and forget and exclude crimes from their official statistics.

Not convinced
bullet The former FBI chief, Mueller, is being brought in as a safe pair of hands to carry on the investigating which the sacked showboater, Comey, was doing. But can we have all that much confidence in Mueller. Is there anyone on the planet who didn't get a scam email with his name on it when he was in charge of the FBI?

Trying for a sympathy vote?
bullet J. Assange, the Ecuador One, says he will not forgive or forget now that Sweden has given up on trying to arrest him on rape charges. But so what? Neither will the women who filed the charges forget, even if they forgive, for all the good it will do them. Not that Assange is entirely out of the woods yet. There's still the small matter of his being liable to be arrested for contempt of court if he dares to show his nose out of the Ecuadorian embassy.

Worth a try?
bullet If the guy who leaked US army secrets to Assange's website had cosmetic surgery to make him look like a woman to get out of gaol courtesy of President O'Bummer, maybe the same trick will get Assange out of his little local difficulty. Just a thought!

Trump got it right
bulletSome people are objecting to President Trump calling the Manchester bomber a loser. But he was born here of parents who were allowed to settle in Britain to get away from the Gadaffy regime in Libya and he went to university (if only to collect a student loan, which he won't be paying back), but despite all these advantages, he ended his days as a child murderer, like Ian Brady. If that's not the definition of a sad loser, what is?

Reality biting?
bulletThe vast international conspiracy, which had the Manchester Arena bomber at its tip, is starting to evaporate. The police are now starting to say they think he acted alone and releasing some of their prisoners without charge. Now, we have to decide if we feel reassured if the initial frantic thrashings about came nothing much.

Election News
 ELECTION NEWS 

As we struggle personfully through this month of boring electioneering awfulness, here's a small reminder of the way it was at the last general election oh, so long ago. What was it? All of two years ago?

Vote Blue, Get Green Bollocks

red blob Strong & Stable; hooray!
red blob Coalition of Chancers; boooo!

Would you lend this man £93,000,000,000,000?Win, win for Labour
bullet The shadow chancellor is calling the leaked socialist-envy Labour election manifesto ‘progressive', which is as clear an admission as anyone could want that it's a swindle.
   Meanwhile, Old Cor-Blimey-Guv-byn must be laughing his cotton socks off at the effect his nationalize and spend manifesto is having on the Blairies and his other enemies thanks to his list of freebies for his client groups, including criminals, who will get a ‘stay out of gaol' card.
   As for the enemies, they must be bracing themselves for some temporary pain and suffering as the price of getting rid of Corbyn, and silently egging him on to indulge his most insane impulses whilst he has the chance.
red blob The gods are really smiling on old Cor-Blimey! When a BBC cameraman got his foot run over whilst scrambling to get some totally surplus pictures of Labour's hero, the immediate reaction was that it was a stunt set up by the bloke and the Beeb's political editor. Ah, to be so Teflon!

reader comment“You have to wonder about the mental state of the Labour 'grandees' who endorsed the Corbyn bumswinger of a manifesto. Who were they (apart from the union paymasters, of course) and how much had they had to drink?”

reader comment“Michael Foot's 1983 Labour election manifesto has been described as mad as a box of frogs. What cute animal comparisons could we apply to the 2017 Corbyn effort?”

Something else you couldn't make up
bullet The Liberals' election pledges include encouraging the sale of cannabis in high street shops to raise taxes to be spent on treating those sent crazy by abuse of the drug. Talk about creating your own problems!
red blob There are rumours that a research project has found that people who are stoned out of their mind are more likely to vote Liberal! But who would dream of accusing those nice Liberals of naked self-interest?

Many a true word . . .
reader comment“There was an interesting observation made during a Saturday repeat of Radio Four's The News Quiz: If, as M. MacRon claims, Brexit was a crime, then it was a crime of passion, so we should get away with it!”

Not my problem, mate
reader comment“The political commentators might have to pretend that Labour's Corbynite, fauxcialist manifesto has to be taken seriously, but only because they're being paid to do so. The rest of us are under no such obligation.”

Naked self-interest
reader comment“Jeremy Corbyn says the Tory manifesto is a disgraceful attack on older people like himself. He's clearly worried about his Winter Fuel Allowance. Typical Labour – 'me, me, me' all day long.”

world news
 WORLD NEWS 

Political get-out-of-gaol logic
bulletSuspecting that he'd been the subject of a massive hack, the creepy French presidential hopeful, the Scottish gerontophile MacRon, was very quick off the mark over getting his alibis in place. Which was a sure sign that he had to be planning to claim that any crimes against humanity which were exposed didn't count because he had been hacked.

Not even bog standard
bullet The House of Europeon Vanity has opened after a decade in the making and 3 years on from the planned opening date. The museum cost EU taxpayers £47 million to build and it is a home for a collection of alleged Europeon historical tat.
   It will cost £11 million/year to run, with Britain paying an extortionate £1 million/year until Brexit, which is another sound reason for getting the hell out of the EU shambles.
   The museum was opened officially on the last Saturday in April but putting labels on the exhibits and getting the explanatory tablet devices to work is dragging on and on, in true EU style.

Empty threat
bullet President (pro tem) Hollande of France is threatening to ‘take action' over the hacking of his pal M. MacRon's emails. Which means what, exactly? That he's going to Moscow to give old Putin a clip round the ear?

Society is to blame!
bulletIs the guy who won this month's presidential election in Iran a ‘moderate'? Oh course, he isn't. He's Iranian. He's a fascist-communist-style despot and sponsor of international terrorism. He couldn't possibly be anything else, given the current set-up in Iran. Anyone who thinks any different has to be descended from the 4 Wise Monkeys.

 DOSH NEWS 

 
Think of a number . . .
reader comment“Maybe the time has come to join in the EU's numbers game. If they want €100 billion from Britain in alimony, maybe we should demand £250 billion as our share of the EU's assets. And, of course, they have to pay us first and we decide when, and how much, to pay back to them.”

reader comment“Have the EU's auditors, who have refused to sign off on the EU's fraudulent accounts for the last 20 years, approved Juncker the Clunker's bill for €100 billion?”
[Which is a more accurate description of him: bibulous or boozeulous? Ed.]

reader comment“Prince Philip, who's due to retire in August, will be due a monster state pension if he's deferred it for 31 years!”

Green Death
bulletThis plan to charge drivers of diesel-powered vehicles to enter city centres is typical petty bureaucrat-think. They don't care how many people are killed by the pollution as long as they make money out of it.

red blobNot spent your old paper fivers yet? Tough! They are now no longer legal tender.

 MEET 'N' GREET NEWS 

You're here to collect my post?

President Trump's daughter meets the international set's working women, some of whom, like the late (of the House of Common Criminals) G. Osborne, have more than one job . . .

We're doing our best, mates!
bullet According to researchers at a university in Norway, Britain's men are the worst binge drinkers in Europe. Well, we'll just have to try to get better at it in future. Cheers, mates!

 WAR NEWS 

 
Nothing happened
bullet Last month, BFN asked What do they do for a fun day in North Korea? The actual answer turned out to be to line up rows of tanks and guns and blast hell out of a small offshore island. Strange as it may seem, we've not heard a peep out of the usual suspects about murdering wildlife and plantlife, and destroying a valuable ecological niche. Looks like the EcoNazis have decided to give dictatorships a free pass.

Nice to know where we stand
bullet The president of the Euro Parliament has denied that the anti-British leaks from Brussels; mainly from the office of Juncker the Druncker and his minions; are intended to affect the outcome of next month's British general election. So that our official confirmation that it's all true.

No surprise there
bullet The Europeon Commission's own lawyers have declared that the EU leaders' divorce bill of €100 billion is legally impossible to enforce. Which means that the bastards will have to dream up some other scam. Oh, dear! Terrible shame. Never mind.
   Another complication is that if the EU cherry-picks items from its (fraudulent) annual accounts to create a Brexit bill, and excludes all of the EU's assets, Britain will be entitled to do the same in a counter-claim. And that's the opinion of no less a person than the Director General of the EU's budget. Oh, dear, again.

Public Service Announcement

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Home News
 HOME NEWS 
UK Flag

BFD!
bullet Sensation! Diane Abbot gets her numbers in a twist on the wireless. Much disturbance in the Force at Labour HQ. But let's get this in proportion, people. We're talking about Diane Abbot, whose only claim to fame is she used to be Jeremy Corbyn's girlfriend. What does she know about anything?

reader comment“If Ed Miliband mows a lady's lawn in Doncaster to get her vote, isn't that bribery and a criminal offence on the same scale as buying people drinks or paying them to vote for your party?”

red blobDrought Warning! We've had the driest winter for 20 years and the water companies still haven't built enough reservoirs and/or an effective distribution system.

Brits are not idle gits!
bullet Surprise! A study by the University of Bath has found that British people are not skivers and they have a work ethic as strong as any Eastern Europeans. Further, Eastern Europeons are more likely to pull a sickie than British workers. There's another inconvenient truth to harass the Bremoaners.

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Far Queue List

Far Queue symbol Gary bloody Lineker.

Far Queue symbol Tony B. Liar and anyone who gives him money to try for a parliamentary seat.

Far Queue symbol Everyone at the EU who thinks 'negotions' consists entirely of making blood-curdling threats.

Far Queue symbol The BBC and the Financial Times, which think we owe the EU €100 billion.

Far Queue symbol Everyone who takes the (leaked) Labour election manifesto seriously.

Far Queue symbol M Lowcock, a.k.a. Sir Waste-a-lot, who's been bumped out of the top civil service job at DfID.

Far Queue symbol It is readily admitted that the sacked FBI boss, M. Comey, was a showboater with defective judgement, which means that America has to better off with him in the dumpster. And it's not as if there aren't any better candidates for the job.

Far Queue symbol Scribbler I. McEwan, who wants the people who voted Leave to die off so that Bremoaners will be in a majority for a Brexit2 referendum. [Is he going to pay for it? Ed.] May we wish 'im an attack of rigor mortis at the earliest opportunity? Of course, we may.

Far Queue symbol Abbot 'n' Corbyn, the terrorist's friends.

Far Queue symbol Labour's shadow foreign sec. E. Thornberry, thinks we couldn't export food to Australia because it would go off on the long journey there, and she has been showered with derision as a result. But let us be charitable to the lady. If she's in Corbyn's cabinet, she has to be a barrel-scraping and it is entirely possible that the multi-millionaire Lady Nugee, to use her title entitlement, has lots of staff to handle her food requirements and she doesn't need to know that technicalities, like refrigeration, are available.

Far Queue symbol “Far queue, far queue very much!” – Frank Zappa.

The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage".

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to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium. © RAL, May MM17.