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Let's just think about this
 There's a lot of excitement about the star known as TRAPPIST-1, which appears to have a set of 7 planets, as determined from measurements of reductions of the star's during transits of the planets. "Is this proof we're not alone?" newspapers are asking excitedly as three of the planets lie within a "habitable zone", in which the surface temperature could be right for living organisms to survive.
But before we get too excited, let's consider a few facts. The Earth orbits its star at a distance of 93 million miles. Planet 4 of this first discovery of the Belgian operated Transiting Planets and Planetesimals Small Telescope-South in Chile lies some 3.5 million miles from its star. It whizzes round that star in a 'year' lasting between 2 and 4 weeks, and it is so close to the star that one side is likely to remain facing the star at all times.
As a result, this most likely candidate for life as we know it will have one side in permanent day, the other side in permanent frozen night, and any atmosphere will be blasting constantly at gale force around the planet, and also blasted off the planet by flares and radiation from the star. Even worse, the planet will be bombarded by enough X-rays and extreme UV to have a significant effect on the atmosphere and anything on the surface.
So maybe we shouldn't get too excited just yet.
Just get eating!
 More of these foody researchers have pronounced on the national diet. Scrub 5-a-Day, it's now 10-a-Day that we should be tackling – that's 10 x 80g portions of fruit and veg – to prevent cancer, strokes and heart disease.
That's 800 grammes of just fruit and veg PLUS everything else needed to provide the protein, vitamins, carbs, etc. needed for a balanced diet. Which should come as a bit of a shock to those of us who often don't eat 800 grammes of everything during their day.
Would YOU trust this smug crook to lead you to the promised land?
The lies Bremoaners tell No. 5,001,013
 Britain's budget contributions to the EU will stop when we leave it, anyone who can be bothered to read the Lisbon Treaty will be delighted to discover. The treaty states that the obligation to contribute ends when a member state leaves the union. So no £50 BILLION (or is it £60 BILLION as the EU's Brexit stooge claimed?) bill will arrive from the EU in 2019. Or if one does, we can safely ignore it.
Even worse, from the EU's point of view, is that Britain is entitled to a proportion of its assets, which are valued at £130 BILLION. Which means that, having paid a 15% share of the budget, that we will be entitled to a dividend of £20 BILLION. Which will probably be the size of the Brown Hole in the budget of the NHS in 2019.
They're really worried!
 The Russians came within a whisker of killing the PM of Montenegro, a splinter of the former Yugoslavia, last year. The plan was to put Serb infiltraitors into police uniforms and attack the parliament building, shooting at the people there and killing the president at the same time.
This would have been a more ambitious replay of the scheme the Nazis used at the Polish border to 'justify' their invasion on 1939/09/01. But the attempted election day coup was blown and neutralized just hours before the scheduled kick-off on October 16th.
 The Russians have the hump over Montenegro's pro-Western leanings and they desperately do not want Montenegro to join NATO and the EU as Russians oligarchs have stashed zillions of loot there and a Russian naval base would be wonderful for spying on NATO activities in the Eastern Med.
Okay, here's one that takes the biscuit; and everything else on offer!
 Biologists at Harvard U. are working to recreate an approximation to the woolly mammoth by splicing genes into a species of Asian elephant, which has 99.4% of its genes in common with the mammoth. The project will provide the endangered Asian elephants with an 'alternative future'. But the best part is that it will save the world from global warming!!
How will this happen? The revived mammoths will stomp holes in insulating snow and ice covering frozen Arctic tundra, let in cold air, keep the permafrost frozen and prevent the release of greenhouse gases!
But there's a much simpler and cheaper way of doing this. All it would take is a UN grant for a team of nutters, who will charge around the tundra in snowmobiles, blasting the insulating layer away with the tank-tracks, letting in cold air and keeping the wilderness frozen.
And the really wonderful thing is that this World-Saving Scam could be up and running as early as next week, given some political will.
Green, green green
 “Some people have complained about the emissions from the snowmobiles after others pointed out that steaming heaps of mammoth dung would undo a lot of the good work. They haven't thought things through. The snowmobiles, of course, will be electric ones using batteries charged by an enormous array of wind turbines.”
Close, you have to give them that!
The official British government target for recycling glass and plastic bottles and cans is 75%. The figure achieved in practice is 57%. A government spokesman commented: "We are hitting the right numbers. We just have to hit them in the right order now."
Part of the way only
 M. Fallon, the Defence Sec., will be pulling the plug on the £60M witch hunt against British troops who served in Iraq. IHAT will have its inflated case load; 3,000+ at one time; cut to around 20 cases. The operation against troops who served in Afghanistan will also be wound up.
Most of the spurious cases were brought by swindling ambulance chasers of the likes of former Law Society Solicitor of the Year P. Shiner, who has been struck off for his crimes.
Nothing is on the planner about squashing the politically motivated witch hunt against troops who served in Northern Ireland.
The truth must NOT out
The Law Commission is recommending that whistle-blowers and journalists who handle leaked government documents should be treated like spies. That's 14 years in gaol for exposing criminality, extravagance, waste, stupidity and treachery by public servants.
Serving the public interest will not be allowed as a valid defence. The Law Commission has been working on its case for 9 months now, during which time it has not bothered to consult journalists and civil liberties organizations. Presumably, because the Commission is happy with a Chinese copy of the system in force in the People's Republic of China.
Collateral Domage
“It didn't take long for full-scale war to break out between the O'Bummer appointments to the FBI, CIA and NSA, and the incoming Trump Administration. There will be a lot more blood on the carpet, and sensations for the news meeja, before the stooges are shown who's the boss; that's something we can all take to the bank.”
“There's nothing like a spot of rejection for 'justifying' resentment, and even outright treachery, on the part of the sore losers.”
Just self-preservation
 In the light of the failed Russian plot to kill the prime minister of Montenegro, maybe President Trump's non-aggression pact with the Putinocracy makes sense: he's doing it to stay alive!
All Quiet on the Trump Front
Things have gone relatively quiet after a noisy beginning, which suggests that the initial frenzy was largely meeja-driven, and that the ‘beauties' have realized that the new president won't be pushed around and he won't dance to their tune, so they've lost interest in Mr. Trump in favour of softer targets.
Internet Gridlock
Stuck in a traffic jam and/or taking forever to get somewhere? Blame your neighbours and everyone else who is shopping on-line rather than in person. Delivery van traffic is up nearly 20% over the last 5 years, according to the Department of Transport.
No relief is expected until more deliveries are made during the evening, or until the drones take over.
Cricket is doomed
Xtreme weather due to man-made global warming is ruining cricket, the GWF lobby is claiming. And cricket grounds are being destroyed by flooding.
Just a couple of small quibbles: the weather is no more Xtreme now compared to weather in the 20th century, and the previous envelope for the weather has not been exceeded. Further, flooding is generally down to British burrocrats over-applying EU regulations, which would be better ignored, and the failure of the Environment Ministry to take effective measures to prevent it.
"Hello, I'd like to scam you."
The Indian scammers are doing our area again this month. Young ladies claiming to be from BT Something-or-other [Technical Department Ed.] have been phoning potential suckers to tell them that their broadband router has been emitting distress signals. Which makes a change from hearing that Windows Operating System has been doing it. The caller's phone number; from a 1471 operation; turned out to be 005909, which is rather insufficient and weird.
Ooooh! I do feel bad!
 The Labour party has created a new disease: Brexit flu. It's what Labour shadow ministers get, like D. Abbot, when they don't want to vote the way their leader orders in a commons division but they don't want to give up the extra money and perks which go with being a shadow.
Captain Obvious rides again
The honcho of Public Health England, one P. Cosford who grabs £157,500/year from the taxpayer, thinks that during cold weather, it would be a good idea to switch central heating on and dress warmly. Good job we have someone like him to come up with such brilliant ideas.
Tunnel Vision
J. Corbyn has his knickers in a twist over the prospect of Britain becoming a low-tax, business-friendly place if the EU won't give us a fair Brexit deal. But Jezzer has yet to explain why he doesn't want to see his country prosper. Other than as a result of Labour's endemic anti-patriotism, of course.
Unqualified clown
 Should the decision on whether to invite President Trump to lecture to the Houses of Parliament really be left to Berko, the failed 6th Marx Brother who's currently holding the job of Squeaker of the House of Common Criminals? Surely, we should leave the job to someone with a modicum of dignity and intelligence. If there is still anyone like that in British political circles.
Penalty for skiving?
 Diane Abbot seems to have got away with pulling a sickie when she should have been at the first Brexit bill vote; mainly because she used to be Labor President Corbyn's girlfriend. But what excuse did sacked Chancellor G. Osborne have for missing the Feb. 7th vote in favour of feathering his nest in Antwerp? [Osborne, the man who put the twerp in Antwerp] A clear case for withdrawing the Tory whip for being absent without leave?
Selective amnesia
There's a Luvvielanche of protest hurling bile against President Trump but didn't President O'Bummer ban all migration from Iraq in 2011, and keep the ban going for six months? Which is twice as long as the Trump pause. But we're not supposed to remember stuff like that, apparently.
Enclosure Advice
When he makes his state visit to Britain, President Trump will be taking a quick excursion to Calais to look at the anti-migrant wall the British government built there to find out if we have any ideas worth borrowing. Future trips to the region will offer further opportunities to inspect anti-migrant walls, fences and barriers in other parts of the Continent.
Oh, dear!
Super Bowl 51 was won by Armstrong Athletic, a.k.a. the New England Patriots, after the Atlanta Falcons built up a decent first-half lead then their offense just stopped playing in the second half. No doubt the NFL is thrilled to have as its champions, a team whose captain had to sit out the first four matches of the season for cheating in the previous season.
Cheats never prosper? Nope, that's another proverb for the bin.
Oh, dear! II
Having flooded her country with migrants in search of political brownie points, Chancellor Merkel is now proposing to blow €100 million of German taxpayers' money on bribing them to go somewhere else. She hopes this will save her from political eclipse and allow her to keep her nose in the trough for a fourth term.
This is where political correctness gets you
The sneerocracy turned purple with glee when President Trump dared to mention migrant-related rioting in Sweden. ‘Never happens', we were assured. ‘Trump got it wrong'. All of which conveniently ignored the area of Stockholm, which has been turned into a crime-filled wasteland by Somali migrants who are into gangs, protection rackets, burglary on an industrial scale, drugs and all the rest big-time.
And that's just one of the 53 no-go areas for the police, where patrols are deemed too dangerous and the people are on their own. And what are the alleged Swedish authorities doing about all this? They're in cover-up and just-letting-it-happen mode.
How hard did they try?
The best film made in the last year, according to the people who handed out the Oscars, was one about a homosexual African-American kid growing up in Miami with a junkie mother. One shudders to think what the worst one as about!
Marketing madness
Why would anyone in his right mind want to pay Virgin Media £55/month to be able to record 6 TV programmes at once? Even if there were six things worth watching on at the same time once in a Blue Moon, when would the customer ever have the time to view them all? Or is it the usual deal of recording stuff as the better part of actually watching it?
Madness in another market
The EU's attempt to stick Britain with a bill for the 7-year budget is plain silly. Even if the demand has gone down from £60 billion to just £50 billion.
Any budget stretching years into the future always has to be subject to a review if circumstances change. The budget would have become unaffordable if there were another global financial crash, for instance. It did become unaffordable when one of the few countries which will actually be putting cash into the pot decided to leave the EU.
The EU now has two years to replan its budget according to its future means. It needs to get on with this job and stop trying to pick the pocket of the British taxpayer. Because Brexit means no!
Carney cocks up again
The Bank of England's Gov. is in the dog-house again. M. Carney has been forced to bin his deflated forecasts for the economy, which he concocted to further Project Fear. There won't be a recession this year, he's saying now. Mind you, given his record for getting forecasts disastrously wrong, this probably means there definitely will be one!!
Smack round the back of the head time
NS&I, which is wholly owned by HM Treasury, is to cut the already miserable rates on offer to savers in May. Which is going in the opposite direction to PM May's claim that she will offer savers a better deal. But will she do anything about it? Don't hold your breath.
“We're told by pensions company Aviva that families with an earned income of £1,500/month or less have an average of £95 in savings. But when you realize that you need £15,000** in NS&I Monthly Income Bonds paying 1% per annum just to pay for a TV licence, and inflation is running at 1.8%, the true pointlessness of trying to save becomes apparent.”
** The amount becomes £20,000 on May 1st when HM Treasury cuts the NS&I interest rate.
25% pay rise for Vlad the Putin
The amount stolen from the Russian economy by its president-for-life has been revised upwards. The previous estimate of £160 billion has been upped to £200 billion in the light of the growing gap between the amount of money going into the Russian Treasury and the paltry amount being spent on things like hospitals, roads and other infrastructure elements.
Putin himself claims he's just this guy on an ordinary president-for-life salary. But he has yet to come up with a convincing explanation for how he managed to acquire a £28 million yacht and all the rest.
"Not me, Gov!" says the BBC
There has to be something sick-makingly hypocritical about the boss of the BBC ‘savaging' the cowboy outfit, which the BBC itself picked to collect its licence fees. As an organization allegedly with a finger on the nation's pulse, the BBC must have known exactly what it was getting when it signed up the cowboys, so a slap round the back of the head is due to T. Hall for being a mealy mouthed git.
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Just to get their attention
The Commons public accounts committee has delivered a thumping to the successive governments over the last 4 decades, including the present one, for failing to make the NHS's bean-counters pursue health tourists for the cost of their treatment. Maybe a 5% under-performance negative bonus applied to the pension pot of those who failed to do their job would be a good way to gee them up.
No crime involved, nothing to see, move along, please
An IAAF official takes £26K to cover up state-sponsored doping by Russian athletes and gets the sack. But the IAAF's own ethics committee thinks he didn't act corruptly. Which leaves the rest of us wondering what he would have to do to drag the heads out of the sand.
It's all very simple, really
How do you prevent a crime wave? Do like the police farces of England and Wales, and just forget to record serious crimes by the thousand. That's 60,000/year in the case of the 4 worst offenders, according to HM Inspectorate of Constabulary. And there are 39 other police farces in England and Wales also at it.
Of course, the worst offenders are now claiming that they're "working hard" to tackle the problem but how hard is it to record the details when a customer comes to the police to report a crime? Isn't that what coppers are supposed to be trained to do?
Pull the other one, mate
Judges have the hump; they think no one appreciates them, possibly because they keep trampling on the law in pursuit of their own political agendas. And they want more money so they can feel better about themselves, and we owe them.
Unfortunately, no one is likely to buy their claim of being victims until they start doing the job they're already overpaid to do. Shame.
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 Harridan Harperson, she of the sexed-up memoir, is getting really pushy in her old age. She demanding that the next Dr. Who be a woman with a wimpy male assistant, who is there just for the purpose of being constantly ordered around.
Lord Ricketts, a supposedly impartial ex-civil servant, who goes where politics and cash dictate, and who seems to be unaware that retired uncivil servants should be neither seen nor heard.
The Labour luvvie D. Abbot pulled a sickie when the Commons voted on the Brexit Bill. Just to keep her job? Well, they are just in it for the money.
The exhibitionist MP, who was so desperate to be noticed that she dragged her baby through the Commons voting lobbies on Brexit Bill day.
Bird's Eye, which is now selling 10 fish fingers for the price of 12, has joined the list of shame of manufacturers lying to the public about prices.
The offense of the Atlanta Falcons after that shameful performance in the second half of the Super Bowl. Cheats never prosper? What about Tom Brady and those involved in Deflategate?
The Boy Beckham, if the email leaks can be believed.
Berko, the failed 6th Marx Brother. [Be honest, does anyone remember ever seeing him one of the films or stage shows? Ed.]
Swami Chuckabutty thinks the disgraced Solicitor of the Year P. Shiner just lost his way. Inside the taxpayer's pocket, maybe?
The anti-patriotic Archbish of Cantab, who is trying to pretend that everyone who voted Leave in the EU referendum is either a fascist or a paid-up member of the Nazi party.
Everyone at the BBC who inflicts "Sokal Islamic State" upon us.
M. Veale, the Chief Con of Wilts, who is "120%" convinced that the former prime minister, the late Sir E. Heath, was an active paedophile who was skilled at slipping away from his bodyguards. Maybe the police professional standards outfit should be doing an audit of the expenses of someone who clearly doesn't get maths.
Tony B. Liar and his £1 MILLION suicide bomber from Guantanamo Bay (and Mr. Liar).
“Far queue, far queue very much!” – Frank Zappa.
The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage". |
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