And now, a couple of words from Ivan, our Brexit Tsar:
Who's on first?
B. Johnson : charismatic, bit flaky, can he remain serious and be well advised? We never found out because he got the bullet before the starting gun was fired, which must have spared him a lot of embarrassment from his many skeletons.
M. Gove : did a good job as Education Sec. but upset The Blob in the form of the teaching unions so Dave moved him. Currently Lord Chancellor and Justice Sec., a leading light in the Leave campaign and someone with principles and brains.
T. May : blamed everything on the EU when she ran into problems as Home Sec. but cuddled up to the Remain camp because she thought it would win but didn't campaign, so clearly unprincipled.
J. Hunt : some success as Health Sec. but going soft on all the issues that won the referendum for the Leave campaign, dropout.
S. Javid : Business Sec., Osborne crony, proved he's useless over the Tata steel plant closure, dropout.
S. Crabb : "Who?" The replacement for IDS at Work & Pensions, opted for the Remain camp.
N. Morgan : Education Sec. Miss U-Turn, undid M. Gove's good work after replacing him, dropout.
L. Fox : Minister/Shadow Cabinet member since the Major years, had to do a Mandelson resignation from Defence Sec. in Dave's Cabinet.
A. Leadsom : Another "Who?", currently Energy Minister.
A. Rudd : Energy Sec., useless Warmist, dropout.
P. Mordaunt : Another "Who?", currently Defence Minister, dropout.
Anti-democratic usual suspects sound off
Some of the Leave side are already going soft on their victory and making noises about giving the EU everything it wants instead of fighting Britain's corner in the separation negotiations.
Vote for Boris in the Tory leadership election and get rid of Jammy Oliver; the annoying twerp is making noises about leaving the country (but will he?) if Boris becomes PM.
J. Corbyn won't go because, even though most of his MPs hate him, The People elected him and the MPs have proved beyond any doubt that they don't represent The People.
"The writing on the wall is about eight metres high," Captain Underpants said about J. Corbyn, the Labour leader they love to hate. But if you're standing next to the wall, you can't read letter which are 26 feet tall and you're not going to get the message.
Teresa May, who was in favour of leaving the EU but dumped any semblance of principle and sided with Remain, really thinks her pathetic record in the Home Office qualifies her to be PM!
There are half a dozen "Captain Underpants" candidates for the Tory leadership, most of whom are complete unknowns as well as non-entities.
The Labour Remainers, who are agitating for another referendum to give the idiot electorate a chance to get it right, are putting themselves into an interesting position. Part of their strategy is to agitate for a general election next year. But given that most Labour MPs don't represent the views of the party members, there could be a lot of deselection and replacement, and we could just end up with a Corbyn-led Labour party, which is as anti-EU as its leader.
Dave the Leader fired a sneaky parting shot just before J. Corbyn's MPs voted to have no confidence in him. Dave told the other 27 EU leaders that there will be no trade deal with Britain without migration controls; which should fix the wagon of any successor who was planning to go soft on the issue.
Stick it up your J.-C. Juncker!
Success for the Ditch Dave campaign: he will be gone by the Tory party conference (if not before).
"This is not the beginning of the end. This is just the end of the beginning."
Red Ed Miliband was called a tosspot by a "front bencher" during Labour's internal row over failing to get the party's core vote to go for Remain. But did it have any impact if the guy doing the name calling was Captain Underpants?
Europeon politicians are seeking to dump all the blame for Brexit on Dave the Leader and they want to see the back of us as soon as possible. Which means it's not in our interests to listen and to take our time. And we need someone doing the negotiations who will ditch the past grovelling attitude and stick up for Britain.
Lest we forget, Brexit was a rejection of the gangs of spivs in Europeon governments, who have turned a blind eye to corruption and turned the EU into a dumping ground for sleazy political cronies and failed politicians.
J. Corbyn must be chuffed that his lifetime of scepticism about the EU has been vindicated. Despite his obvious hypocrisy during the Brexit campaign. Or, indeed, maybe because of it.
We must fear the Goa'uld no longer. We CAN be free of the EU.
To their shame, both Manchester and Stockport voted Remain overall. But what do they know?
Lord Farage very soon, and Dame Gisela Stuart.
Falls in the stock market weren't due to Brexit; Establishment hysteria caused them.
Before the vote, the CBI was claiming that Brexit would cost £100 BILLION and ONE MILLION lost jobs. But all that has gone away now.
"If Pollen Tonybee is upset, the nation has clearly done the right thing."
J. Corbyn's evident lack of conviction when campaigning for Remain gave Labour voters a licence to vote the way they wanted. Labour's usual suspects complained that Corbyn failed to connect with the voters, but the outcome says he did exactly that and they chose to vote Brexit, which is what he has been advising since the 1970s.
The usual suspects; Tony B. Liar et al; are now demanding another referendum on EU membership because that's the Europeon way. If the trough-scoffers don't like the result of a vote, they either ignore it or they make the idiots vote again until they get it right.
A week on from the vote, the FTSE 100 was higher than it was before the referendum, having bounced back from all the doom-mongering.
Hunker in a bunker, mate!
There seems to be a lot of rather pathetic whingeing wimpism around at the moment. People are complaining about these awful politicians, who are forcing them to make a decision and expecting them to think for themselves instead of accepting being herded into the pen which makes the greatest profit for their trough-guzzling betters.
Well, if it's upsetting you that much, why don't you just go and hide under the stairs until Friday morning and it's all over?
More of the same needed?
There seems to be a lot of dismay around over how shallow and fugitive the "political convictions" of our top politicians have turned out to be. Like old Corbyn, a career-long opponent of the EU, who is suddenly pretending (but not doing much of a job of it) that the EU is wonderful.
And then there's Cameron, who wasn't bothered about holding a referendum and leaving the EU a while ago, but who's pretending that the sky will fall in if we dare to opt for Brexit.
On the positive side, however, is the case of the Chancellor, G. Osborne, who's made such an idiot of himself that he's screwed whatever happens.
What to make of it? Maybe we should have lots more referendums to keep the British public reminded just how shallow and self-serving their political leaders are behind all the puff and fine words.
More cash down the drain
The South Yorkshire police farce has been forced to apologize to Sir C. Richard for wasting two years and £800,000 of taxpayers' cash on trying to fit him up for hysterical child abuse.
How come this never happens in a film?
The Bad Guy takes three rounds in the chest and falls over. Then he gets up, swearing his head off, and rips off his bulletproof vest. How come the Hero never ever takes the golden opportunity to put three more in his unprotected chest?
Is there such a thing as contextual dyslexia, which compels someone to read the name Allan as Alien and the world alien as allan?
For future reference, we shall be replacing all instances of "diverse" with "perverse".
Here's a curious fact
The road network grew by an average of 2,650 miles/year between 1990 and 1997, when J. Major was prime monster. But when Gordon F. Broon had the job, the road network shrank by 130 miles/year. The official figures issued by the Dept. of Transport do not contain an explanation for what Broon did with the missing roads.
The explanation turns out to be rather mundane; a lot of private Scottish roads, which were being classed as public roads, were removed from the count. But this, in itself, has to count as an extraordinary failure on the part of Labour's spin doctors.
Given New Labour's culture of celebrating bogus achievements, and pretending that re-announcing a spending plan amounted to finding new money, the failure to pretend that the reclassification of the roads was a great leap forward has to be seen as an indication that the seeds of decay were maturing in the Broon administration.
Sweeties for the spice?
The wife of someone who has bought or crawled his way to a seat in the House of Frauds becomes Lady Whatever. But there is no similar courtesy title for the husband of a woman who becomes a peer. But now, with accusations of sexism ringing in its ears, the government is being badgered into coming up with a suitable tag for the spouse of a baroness, or whatever. Suggestions on a PC to the usual address. [No doubt there will be a shower of cards from the BLT tendency. Ed.]
The Archbish of Cantab, J. Welby, reckons that Britain should be a "country for the rest of the world" as part of "the calling of being British". What utter bollocks. There is no earthly reason why Britain should prop up the rest of the world to the detriment of the native population. Our politicians glad-handing with other people's money might give the Archbish a warm glow but it does nothing much for the taxpayers, who see their contributions being frittered away.
The Age of Miracles really is still with us
The Church of England has finally realized that its lefty-luvvie bishops were wrong about Margaret Thatcher. They had their heads so far up their own arses that they failed to see that there was virtue and a moral vision in her creed of inspiring people to make something of their lives instead of being parasites and customers of Labour's benefits culture. Bit late, mate, though.
The current chancellor, g. osborne, has been forced to admit that his claim that Brexit would cost pensioners £32,000 is just garbage.
The risks of Bremain . . .
More EU pointless burrocracy, more cash surrendered to the crooks skimming the EU budget (that's the guys working the system and also the sort of criminals who go to gaol if caught), less democracy and accountability, more dilution of the British way of life, more untouchable criminals coming here from other EU nations, less say in how the EU is run, more junk countries joining the EU and draining the life out of Britain, not being able to trade with the rest of the world because the EU is incapable of internal agreement never mind external agreement, more green crap from the EU to wreck more human lives and property and kills wildlife (e.g. the Somerset floods in 2014 and wind farms, which are so beloved by the RSPB despite killing 6,000,000 birds per year in Spain), the EU will have its hand out for another £2.4 BILLION for the money spent in excess of the agreed budget despite having no authority to do so, banks in the eurozone will need bailing out even though Britain does not use the euro . . .
David Cameron has accused the Brexit campaign of telling "irresponsible" lies. Which sounds like an invitation to the rest of us to believe that he tells only "responsible" lies; stuff which he knows is untrue but he'd like us to believe it so we do the right thing and vote Bremain.
The sleaze machine is still going at full blast
Back in March, the ousted head of the British Chambers of Commerce, J. Longworth, predicted that David Cameron would reward his Bremain cronies with a shower of gongs in the Queen's birthday honours list. And he wasn't wrong. Tony B. Liar's heir in action.
If the dozy sods, who left registering to vote in the EU referendum until the last minute and crashed the website, turn up at their polling station in a gang at one second before 10 p.m., will they find it kept open for an extra hour to accommodate anyone who couldn't be bothered to turn up between 7 a.m. and 10 p.m.?
And if the exit polls suggest that Brexit is ahead, will the government keep the polling stations open until they get a Bremain result?
Actually, the latter situation need not apply as the referendum result isn't legally binding on Parliament and there's a majority in both Houses against Brexit. So if the government's official fraudsters can't engineer a Bremain vote, it don't really matter.
One in the eye for Project Fear
As Britain has a huge trade deficit with the rest of the EU, it is in the interests of mainland Europeon countries to let us stay in the Single Market, even on reasonable terms. Failing to do so would just result in even more unemployment and poverty on the Continent.
The IRA, a criminal gang, is supporting Bremain in the EU, an organization which gives taxpayers' cash to criminal gangs.
Dave the Leader must have been in a real panic when he decided to hand over the Bremain campaign to Gordon F. Broon whilst he took a break from all the lies and deception!
Okay, what next?
The Labour party and the Bremain camp are trying to blame the murder of MP Jo Cox on an imaginary campaign of hatred against politicians whipped up by the Brexit camp and the media. So what should be do to repair the damage? Do we tell our politicians not to be so pathetically and condescendingly obvious when they're lying to us "for our own good"? Or is it up to the British public and the news media not to be so rude as to notice the lies, and not to imagine that they know better than their betters?
New dosh deal
In September, the government will begin selling plastic £5 notes to its customers. The notes are expected to have a service life of 5 years, and they will cost just 7.4 pence to manufacture, which represents a profit for the government of 492.6 pence per note. Customers have until May next year to get rid of their old fivers.
Barclays Bank sez in its latest TV advert that it is celebrating 50 years of people shopping with its card services. But what to the rest of us care about that? Apart from bugger all.
Extraordinary mathematical abuse
The most educated guesses suggest that Brexit will have little impact on the British economy, which makes all the doom and gloom pouring out of G. Osborne's Treasury just EU propaganda rather than anything to take notice of.
The Treasury has been outed as using an economic model similar to the one created by the "Hockey Team" gang of GW swindlers that's the gang which produced a graph showing global temperatures soaring exponentially upwards in the 21st century. [Their model was outed as something which would have predicted the same result with absolutely any set of data. Ed.]
The Treasury's economic model can be used to 'prove' that Britain would plunge into disaster outside the EU but the country would benefit from joining the throughly discredited euro currency system, and that every country in the world would benefit from joining the EU.
BT TV has fallen for Sky's stupid "buy to own/keep" idea. You buy it, it's yours. It's as simple as that. But obviously too straightforward for Sky and BT to grasp. Which would appear to suggest a thread of fundamental dishonesty in big companies.
The good times are rolling for Prince Charles. He's now a billionaire as proprietor of the Duchy of Cornwall and its multiple investments.
Muhammad Ali, boxer, 74
The amateur career of the boxer Cassius Clay reached the pinnacle of an Olympic gold medal at the age of 18. He then turned pro and changed the face of boxing forever. He became a loud-mouthed, fast-talking, brash self-publicist, who grabbed public attention and claimed the support of people who had never previously shown the slightest sign of interest in boxing.
The reason why the Louisville Lip was able to get away with it was that he was clearly highly intelligent and he had a well-developed sense of humour. Watching him confront an opponent at a weigh-in was fun. He won the world crown but then he decided to become a Moslem and make himself unavailable for the Vietnam war.
The price he had to pay was losing four of what could have been the best years of his career. But he came back and he became champion again, and he backed up his claim that he was The Greatest. Parkinson's disease blighted his later life but he was voted the sports personality of the century by BBC viewers in 1999 [Not 2000, but that's the BBC for you. Ed.] and we can be sure that there will never be another like him.
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Fish are heading for extinction through sheer stupidity
A study by Swedish piscatologists has found that young fish of a number of species prefer plastic scraps to real food. Fishlings living in water containing microplastic; i.e. scraps less than 0.2" across; will gobble them up in preference to plankton, which actually contain nutriments. The change of diet stunts growth, makes the young fish more vulnerable to predators and reduces their breeding rate if they make it to adulthood. Clearly, this is an example of evolution in action and extinction by natural selection.
Brexit = getting our North Sea and coastal fisheries back! Let us hope there are still some fish in them when that happens.
The Dept. for Idiotic Daftness strikes again
British taxpayers have shelled out £250 MILLION for an airport on the Napoleon exile island of St. Helena. One small problem though: the wind conditions around this tiny South Atlantic island are too treacherous to let large aircraft land at will (rather than crash). Maybe the geniuses at DfID should have asked someone local first?
Charles Darwin wrote about the wind shear effect produced by a 1,000-foot cliff at the edge of the island back in 1839. So there's no excuse for not knowing about it.
Muhammad Ali is to have a public memorial service led by . . . Bill Clinton!??! So The Greatest is going to be stuck with a deadleg like Slick Willy, a bloke famous only for lying, evasion and larking about with an intern instead of doing presidential things? Is this supposed to be the Universe showing off its sense of humour? Or was John Major, a man with a taste for a curry rather than dodgy cigars, too busy with his Bremain job to do the gig?
The people of Turkey are overjoyed to know that Dave, the ex-Leader, will now be able to devote his full attention to advocating them into the Europeon Union.
It’s a valid observation
May ended and June began with a lot of sunshine Up North. In fact, it's looking like the further you go from the mainland of Europe, the better the weather gets. Let's see Dismal Dave unstitch that bit of wisdom!
What’s it gonna be?
Research in a local weather archive produced some averaged noon temperatures for the month of June in England over the last 40 years. They make interesting reading:
1975 17.9 deg.C
1985 15.8 deg.C
1995 16.6 deg.C
2005 18.5 deg.C
2015 17.9 deg.C
Which leaves us asking: "Were's all this warming, then, if last June was exactly the same as June 40 years ago? The local hawthorn didn't flower until the end of May, which suggests that the seasons here are not much different from what they were like 40 years ago. So, we're now waiting for some results from this month to see if the Warmists are going to be grinning or wailing.
The wind don't blow
Now that the Department for Global Warming Swindles has cut off subsidies to the on-shore wind industry, its trade union has admitted that Britain is not windy enough to make energy from turbines viable. Pity no one worked this out before the windmill racket started ripping off the taxpayer with the aid of Red Ed Miliband and other stooges.
Yet another silly story
"Experts" at Surrey University would have us believe that outdoor pizza ovens are causing global warming. Should we be worried? Or should we just keep our cool until the next fad comes along?
Do we have our very own exoplanet?
Astronomers at Lund University in Sweden have been playing around with a computer and they have come up with the theory that our Sun could have captured a planet originally created in orbit around another staran exoplanetsome 4.5 billion years ago.
The Sun and other stars were created in a cluster in a stellar nursery and they could pass close enough to one another to exert enough gravitational influence to "steal" a planet from another star if that planet has been shoved into a very wide orbit around its original star by other planetary siblings.
According to the theory, this 10th planet has been part of the solar system more or less for as long as the solar system has existed, but the exoplanet has remained completely undetected. No images exist of it, and whether it is made of rock, ice, or gas is unknown. All the theory predicts is that its mass is probably around ten times that of the Earth.
Astronomers are finding large numbers of exoplanet hundreds of light years away. Now, they have been confronted with the possibility that there is one quite nearby, which could be reached with a space probe and studied.
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Big time fail
It was Dave the Leader vs voters on TV at the start of the month. If he didn't know it before, he now knows that scaremongering and waffle don't go down at all well with real people. And neither do evasion and making "ambitions" out of what were once election manifesto pledges. Not to mention Dave's claim that Turkey is unlikely to join the EU until the year 3000. Does that mean we're expected to believe that Dave has a time machine parked in Downing Street and that's how he knows this truly amazing fact?
The Electoral Commission is sending postal ballot papers and polling cards to foreigners resident in the UK who, although entitled to vote in local and Europeon elections, are NOT entitled to vote in general elections and the Brexit referendum. The Electoral Commish sez it is aware of the cock-up and it will cancel any illegitimate votes. Yeah, like it can be trusted to do that.
This comes on top of Bristol city council's crude attempt to direct votes to the Remain side with an institutionally biased instruction leaflet for postal voting.
One knee a-jerking
Labour front-bencher J. Dromey is in a froth because Liberty GB says it will field a candidate in the by-election caused by the murder of Mrs. Cox. Which sounds suspiciously like typical far-left reflex censorship of views they don't like. They haven't got any counter arguments, so by jingo, they'll ban it.
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J. Corbyn, who's as useless as a waxwork as leader of Her Majesty's Disloyal Opposition.
John Major, who put us into a real old financial mess when he was prime monster, so he's no advert for fiscal competence.
N. Hurd, junior aid minister, who thinks the £250 MILLION given by the British taxpayer to fund Nigeria's space programme is a trifling amount, a negligible contribution to Nigeria's huge (and hugely corrupt) economy. [So why pay it? Ed.]
The BBC, which is moaning that British fans wearing crusader outfits at the Euro 2016 football tournament will upset professional Moslem outrage confectors.
J. Major, who has become just shouty and pathetic. [Although there is a distinct resemblance to our current PM there. Ed.] But when you don't have any sound arguments on your side, personal abuse is always an alternative. But not something we expect from someone reputed to have been gentlemanly enough to take the tap end of the bath after cheating on his wife with Edwina Curry.
P. Green, former BHS boss, is now a firm favourite to be deknighted, like Fred the Shred.
Vlad the Putin would like Sepp Blatter to get a Nobel peace prize, and he has the tanks and troops to make it happen. So citizens of Norway, you have been warned.
The president of the Europeon Council, D. Tusk, would have us believe that Brexit could trigger the end of "Western political civilization". [If that means anything. Ed.] Has he been at the Polish wodka, and was he pissed or was he just extracting the wee-wee?
The governor of the Bonk of England, who's claiming that Brexit will bring the world economy to its knees.
B. Geldoff and his ship of fools on the Thames on the fisherman's protest day.
Dame E. Izzard and that ridiculous bunnet.
Baroness Farcey, who flounced out of the Leave campaign, leaving everyone wondering what, if anything, she actually did to promote the cause.
D. Cameron thinks his finest achievement is letting homosexuals pretend to be married; and that's the best explanation we can offer for why he failed. That and his total lack of political vision and convictions, and his belief that people should do what he tells them because he's . . . well, Dave.
“Far queue, far queue very much!” Frank Zappa.
The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage".
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