Definitions for today:
Optimist: Someone who thinks collapsing 50% of the tower blocks scheduled for demolition at Seaforth, Liverpool, yesterday was an achievement.
The doctor won't see you now, she's on strike
Save our NHS, the placards proclaim. But where's the champion who will save it from money-grubbing junior doctors, who have abandoned all pretence of vocation and being members of a caring profession?
The latest Big Idea for skiving off from work at the taxpayers' expense is an equivalent of maternity leave for women who don't plan to have a baby. The female person who came up with the idea also thinks that if a woman becomes pregnant, the fact that she has already enjoyed a spell of non–pregnancy leave should be ignored. No doubt some bloke who isn't planning to be a father will suggest an equivalent to paternity leave in the interests of diversity and equality.
Burrocraps in action
St. Ockport council has banned traders from handing out red roses on St. George's Day in the town-centre market hall. The council, run by the Trivial Democraps, claims that the roses could be interpreted as a bribe to persuade people to vote Labour in the upcoming council elections next month!!
All in the name of customer service
Our bank gets the chop again. In the good old days, there was a TSB branch in the village. But it was swallowed up by Lloyds Bank and closed. The accounts were moved to the Bredbury branch which, confusingly, is located in Woodley Precinct. Now, the Bredbury branch of Lloyds Bank is for the chop and our accounts are on the move again; to Stockport.
Also getting the chop . . .
The National Westminster Bank is also trimming its branches. The one in Romiley is such a splendid building; clearly the former home of a wealthy merchant; that it deserves an important new role. So why not convert it into a town hall and give Romiley it's own mayor, like London, Manchester, etc.?
Never mind Brexit, we need Osbornexit
With the Labour party sitting on its hands in a corner, waiting to become relevant again, it fell to the Tories to demolish the Treasury's dodgy dossier on the terrible things which will happen to Britain if we leave the poisoned embrace of the vampire squid, which is the EU.
George Osborne claimed that every household will lose £4,300/year as his bottom line. Strange that he didn't mention that not being subject to EU petty red tape will be worth £4,700/year to those same households. And they will also get the benefit of the nation not tossing £350 MILLION/week down the EU drain.
What do they know?
Two years ago, the International Monetary fund was convinced that the British economy was heading for disaster.
It was wrong.
Now, we're being told by the IMF that leaving the EU is the path to disaster.
Attention envious socialists: If you usual suspects are going to take a pop at Dave, it would be nice if you picked one of his actual crimes against humanity rather than what's currently fashionable on Planet Spin.
In purely practical, tax income terms, 1 Cameron = 4 Corbyns.
Just a thought . .
Quentin Letts, writing in today's Daily Disaster has a very useful suggestion for returning those government EU propaganda leaflets whence they came. He suggests popping them in an envelope and, rather than paying for a stamp, using a FREEPOST address used by Tory party fundraisers:
The Conservative Party Foundation,
London SE1P 4DP.
President O'Bummer would like us to stay in the EU because that's what's best for the USA. Does he care what's Best for Britain? Joke.
Let's show O'Bummer we mean business!
Britain will be at the back of the queue for a trade deal if we leave the EU, threatens the lame-duck president. Fine, if that happens, we'll just get our nuclear deterrent from President Putin instead. See how the Yanks like that.
Just because he's a president, that doesn't mean he can't talk bollocks
The Germans have kindly pointed out that there are so many chasms to be bridged in the draft trade deal between the US and the EU that it looks unlikely that a deal will ever be struck. Which means that, unlike President O'Bummer's contention, there will be no queue for Britain to be stuck at the back of.
The choke points include the US refusals to give up a "Buy American" preference and to open up tendering for major contracts to include EU countries by compulsion. And furthermore, the absence of this famous trade deal doesn't prevent European firms from trading with the US right now.
Bad news for militias
InYerFaceBuk has started removing any pages offering to sell handguns, shotguns, automatic weapons and appropriate ammunition. Also falling victim to the purge are pages offering heavy machine guns, anti-tank missiles, rocket launchers and similar light artillery. Which will make defending one's property from The Man a lot harder in future.
Any old excuse for bad behaviour
Bottle-throwing looney left yobs with nothing better to do staged a march toward Downing Street on the second Saturday of the month. They weren't allowed onto the street, waving their placards insisting that Dave has to go, because everyone knows it ain't gonna happen at least until after the referendum on EU membership.
The RSPCA faces being banned from animal welfare prosecutions, which will be taken over by a public sector body. The charity has brought itself into severe disrepute by bringing politically motivated persecutions and it has suffered a large drop in revenues as a consequence. The society is currently attempting to rebuild its image and curb the excesses of the zealots who have taken it over.
The latest threat to national security comes from exploding hearing aid batteries. The fault is that the electrodes and electrolyte can react to turn the battery into a hydrogen-filled bomb. No surprise: the batteries were made on the cheap in China.
Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad
J. McDonnell, Corbyn Labour's shadow chancellor, has thrown in the towel. He has admitted that Labour is hopelessly unelectable and he thinks the only way he and his buddies can get back onto the gravy train is to persuade the public sector unions to go on permanent strike and for looney left mobs to storm Parliament and evict the Tories.
Which raises the interesting prospect of the EU sending in its army to restore order in battered Britain and McDonnell and his pals ending up in the Tower.
The latest Project Fear load of garbage: Brexit means that British airlines won't be able to fly between cities in Europe, according to Defence Sec. M. Fallon, a former eurosceptic who turned his coat when Dave bribed him with a job. Clearly, no one has told him that there is an open-fly policy for the region, which would not be affected by Britain leaving the EU.
Why do you never see a copper these days?
Astonishingly, it's because 23,000 of the coppers, PCSOs and civilian police staff in England and Wales are on long-term sick leave due to sickness, stress and other psychological problems.
European Court run by crooks!
A whistleblower has revealed that the European Court of Justice invented an imaginary backlog of cases to justify empire-building to double the current number of judges. So that's 56 judges sitting around twiddling their thumbs instead of 28, and the taxpayer has to stump up £23 MILLION/year to support the extra judicial parasites. Could it be that Tony B. Liar, Alastair Campbell and John Scarlett have moved on from creating dodgy dossiers to supplying lies to European institutions?
• Britain, Holland and Denmark tried to block this latest Euroexcess but, of course, they were outvoted.
Vanity, just impure vanity
What is the point of an injunction which applies only to England and Wales? No doubt it makes the judges feel important, and it shoves cash into the pockets of people working in the court system, but when the names of the cheating celebs are available on Mr. Internet, it just reinforces the old adage: "Sometimes the Law is an ass and sometimes, it's administered by pompous donkeys."
A strong daftness prize contender!
David Cameron thinks that people consider his handling of the EU referendum debate to be inept as a direct result of exposure in the news media of his Project Fear crap. If the Press hadn't shot so many holes in his scare stories, he believes, he wouldn't have ended up looking like a plonker.
Nothing has changed
There has been a lot of gloating and hypocrisy splashed around following the leak of data from a Panamanian firm of fixers; a lot of it because our own dear prime monster's late father used the firm as well of lots of dodgy dictators and money launderers.
But people with cash, the Great and the Bad alike, will always make their money disappear so that it can't be taxed at what they see as punitive rates. Okay, a little light has been shone into their dark corners, but even as the figures of hate retreat into their dens and leave their staff to tell the world's meeja to sod off, the fact remains that they still have their money, and they'll just hide it somewhere else.
The Little People have a chance to rant for a while and explode with envy, then it will all be lost in the dustbin of history. Just a bump in the road for the mega-rich.
How much does a Dodgy Dossier cost?
In the case of Prime Minister Dave Cameron, £9 MILLION of taxpayer's money will be blown on his personal piece of propaganda for the European Union, which will be posted to every household in Britain.
• Dave gave a promise to Parliament that no taxpayers' money would be spent on promoting either the Leave the EU campaign or the Remain campaign. Add it to the long list of Dave's Dodgy Promises.
• The government is giving local councils an extra £50million of taxpayers' money to fill potholes in roads. It could have been £59 million if not for Dave's Dodgy EU Dossier.
They're all the same
There's a lot of rubbish being talked about whether the level of trust in the prime minister has been reduced by the revelation that his father was good at hanging on to his own money. But no one trusts ANY of the current political party leaders, so what difference will it make?
The world's most useless self-appointed jobs No. 43:
There's a bloke planning to spend six weeks at the Mount Everest base camp as an artist in residence. His self-inflicted mission is to explore being human in a different and difficult place.
Is this a world record for daftness?
The boss of the London Stock Exchange thinks a Brexit from the EU would cause the whole rotten mess to implode and – get this! – the United States would occupy Europe to stick the EU back together as a bulwark against Putin the Piranha.
Others don't like the Euro-Blob
A referendum in Holland on an EU trade deal with Ukraine resulted in a 61% NO vote. The vote is being taken as a rejection of the remote, self-serving bureaucracy in Brussels as well as the Dutch saying they don't want migrants from Ukraine and they don't want to have to pay subsidies to another Eastern European regime.
The EU in Action (or what passes for it)
Three times as many economic migrants are sneaking from Turkey to Greece as are being deported the other way. And this farce is costing EU taxpayers £4 BILLION, not to mention an invasion of visaless Turks.
They're taking the pee
Edinburgh city council closed all the public toilets in the city and sold them off, blaming "The Cuts". And then they managed to find 70 grand to illuminate the Scott Memorial. Gestures are clearly more important than the comfort of the city's inhabitants and visitors to Scotland's capital.
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The Independent Police complaints Commission is recommending that all prisoners should be given access to a tablet after being placed in a cell so that they can give an on-line rating to their arrest experience, and contact the IPCC website if they want to make a complaint about it.
Russ Trent, the governor of the soon to be opened HMP Berwyn @ Wrexham, wants to run his gaol like a boarding school with houses, fags, prefects, a phone and a computer in every cell, and the screws required to knock before entering to let the inmates make a gesture toward hiding their stash of illegal drugs.
Public Service Announcement
He's been called the Blogger of the Decade
His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!
T he minimum wage for people of 25 and over has gone up, courtesy of the Budget, by 7%. But before everyone cheers too loudly, let us not forget that 7% of bugger all is still . . . bugger all.
Dave the Leader is claiming that Brexit from the EU will lead to a HUGE EU tariff on British steel imports. Is this why he's letting the steel industry in Britain collapse? Because, let us not forget, his government was responsible for blocking a proposal to raise the EU tariff on dumped Chinese steel from 9% to 66%. Which makes Dave's tears for the end of the British steel industry just crocodile ones.
• The tariff in the United States is 266%.
People with lots of money would rather hang on to it than let politicians and bureaucrats use it to buy themselves lunches and junkets to foreign parts.
Well, who'd have thunk it!
Just a thought, but Dave the Leader paid £76,000 in income tax last year. So no one who paid less is entitled to troll him. Fair's fair.
Just another thought: are we going to have to call Dave the Heir to Blairmore?
Dave the Leader and all his cronies.
Health Sec. J. Hunt, whose Project Fear warning that the NHS will collapse if we leave the EU is total bollocks. Why would we expel EU citizens who are currently working in the NHS? That makes sense only to an idiot, which is clearly what Hunt is.
Labour's shadow culture sec. M. Eagle for contemptible hypocrisy. Also the BBC and the Hacked Toffs. (usual suspects, people)
All members of the HUTA Tormented Totty Tendency.
K. Livingstone, who is still doing whinges about being evicted from the mayor of London job by Boris.
President O'Bummer, who wants us in the EU but who knows he would be lynched if he ever tried to put the United States into a similar subordinate position in an equivalent pan-national organization.
C. Bjorkman, current Swedish producer of the Eurovision Song Contest, who thinks people should take it seriously instead of mocking it, like the late T. Wogan.
Minister of Works S. Crabb is blaming an upward blip in the jobless total on pre-Brexit panic. There's another one of Dave's dunces who belongs on the back benches.
The pretend poet laureate C. Duffy and her Ode to a Gas Meter.
The travel firm Fight Centre, which has been outed by Channel 4's Dispatches programme as rip-off merchants.
Former PM J. Major seems to have lost the plot. How can it be "unpatriotic" to leave the EU in the best interests of the country? If we're playing the "otic" card, it would be idiotic to stay, Sir John.
Judge P. Rostant, who wants to discriminate in favour of the enormously obese.
“Far queue, far queue very much!” Frank Zappa.
The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage".
|Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression|
to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium. © RAL, April MM16.