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If Dave the Leader is as big a liability as everyone seems to think he is, surely the country is SAFER with him off the job and on holiday in Spain or wherever.
 Talking about liabilities, Foreign Sec. W. Hague is becoming one if he thinks he can control where weapons go after he hands them over to the "moderate" Syrian rebels. That's not the way the Universe works, Silly Billy.
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 It's official: the Federal Government is out to get you!
A top official of the US Internal Revenue Service has "taken the 5th" before a US Congressional committee to avoid admitting that her department is carrying out political targetting against "conservative" groups such as the Tea Party. The move is seen as to a plea of "guilty as charged" with respect to obstructing applications for tax-exempt status from non-Democrat organizations with a view to blocking donations to groups with a Republican agenda.
Three Congressional panels and the US Justice Department are now running separate investigations after the inspector general of the Treasury Department published a report revealing political agendas in the IRS. The inspector general's investigation could be expanded to consider possible criminal activity. There is also the possibility of the appointment of a special prosecutor, like the one who investigated the Watergate Hotel break-in and President Nixon's cover-up.
The Democrats are claiming that everything is down to the staff of the IRS and nothing to do with President O'Bummer and others in his administration. The IRS is now said to be working to restore public trust in the organization. Sounds like it will be an uphill job.
 Do like we tell you, sucker!
President O'Bummer has ordered Britain to stay in the EU to help him to ram a trade deal through a hostile Congress, which fears that the Transatlantic Trade & Investment Plan will undermine American jobs.
Given that Dave the Leader's hopes of negotiating a satisfactory deal with the bunch of grabbers in the EU are zero, and he lacks the courage to invoke Article 50 of Lisbon Treaty and take us out of the EU, Mr. President has nothing much to worry about on this side of the Atlantic.
 Surprise? No, we all knew that.
An investigation of the BBC has found that its selective comment policy pushes the New Labour pro-immigration line relentlessly and bans a contrary view from anyone who thinks multiculturalism isn't such a wonderful idea for Britain.
Typical example: after the murder of Drummer Rigby in Woolwich, the BBC wheeled out its usual Islamist suspects for more of their propaganda and made sure they weren't challenged by anyone with more than two brain cells to rub together.
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It's thanks to the politicians who closed coal-fired power stations which can work all day and every day to provide AFFORDABLE energy.
It's thanks to the politicians who give YOUR money to wind farms in subsidies for electricity which stops if the wind blows too much or not at all.
It's thanks to the politicians who have doubled the cost of electricity in the last 8 years because they fell for a swindle and are too ashamed to admit it.
It's thanks to the politicians who are stealing your present and offering nothing but more of the same in the future.
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| Eddie Braben, 82, comedy writer |
He was the scriptwriter for the Morcambe & Wise Show at the BBC and the author of the plays wot Ernie wrote. He stepped in when Syd (Green) and Dick (Hills) bowed out and found himself writing for an audience of 28 million. He started in show biz as a gag writer, supplying one-liners to the Ken Dodd comedy machine-gun act. He became the most successful writer on TV, writing for many top acts in addition to M&W, retiring in the 1990s. He performed on radio in the 1970s in The Worst Show on the Wireless and The Show With Ten Legs, and he received a special Bafta award for his outstanding contribution to television in 1972.
| Mick McManus, 93, wrestler and showman |
He was a major star of the British TV wrestling era, known for his epic battles with Jackie Pallo in particular, probably in the Guinness Book of Records for the number of public warnings received for misconduct in the ring, and famous for the sensitivity of his cauliflower ears. Out of the ring and after wrestling, Mick McManus raised money for charities, he was an expert on antique porcelain and he was quite a nice guy for a serial anti-hero.
He had a long career in theatre, films and TV, with his role as the bumptious Warden Hodges – who kept colliding with the equally bumptious Captain Mainwaring in Dad's Army (1968-1977) – as a lasting highlight. He went into show-biz as a helper for his cousin, Dr. Who star Jon Pertwee, he appeared in three of the Carry On films: Carry on Loving (1970), Carry on at Your Convenience (1971) and Carry On Girls (1973), and his work as an impressionist was featured in hundreds of radio comedy broadcasts for shows like Beyond Our Ken and Round the Horne. An author, his output included Promenades and Pierrots (1979), By Royal Command (1981), Dad's Army: The Making of a Television Legend (1989) and an autobiography, A Funny Way To Make A Living (1996).
 Par for the course
The council for Radstock in Somerset (pop. 6,000 or so) has decided that they can't fly the flag of St. George on Armistice Day in case it upsets the local Moslems (pop. about 15) and reminds them of the Crusades. E. Jackson, the councillor responsible for this brain-dead notion, is a university lecturer and one of New Labour's wimmin. [No surprise there, then. Ed.]
 Like that will happen!
The government is huffing and puffing and declaring that oil company execs who rigged fuel prices should go to gaol. The fact that no criminal bankers have enjoyed Her Majesty's hospitality must be giving a lot of aid and comfort to the thieving oil riggers.
• Their activities are something else the Office of Fair Trading failed to spot. Maybe its bosses need to be threatened with gaol for malpractice in office.
Crooks always prosper in God's Country
President O'Bummer's strident, politically motivated hostility to BP (because it's seen as a British company despite the huge presence in the US) has led to a flood of fraudulent claims for compensation for damage caused by the 2010 oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, for which American concerns were largely responsible. The charge is being led by crooked lawyers and the guy tasked with approving the claims is "not up to the job" (to be charitable) of spotting the bent ones.
 Nasty lot of bigots!
Maybe N. Farage, the UKIP leader, has a point about the fascist and racialist cum nationalist tendency in Scotland, given the violence deployed by the yobs who infringed his right to freedom of speech.
 Nasty something else!
The wheels are coming off an attempt by Vlad the Putin of all the Russias to stitch up A. Lebedyev with a political trial. Mr. L.'s "victim" of an alleged episode of hooliganism will not be giving evidence at the trial because he's currently hiding, probably in Israel, from half a dozen episodes of assault charges filed in Cambodia. And five "witnesses" for the prosecution are also refusing to join in. So the case is a real international mess. But as long as the judge knows which side his bread's buttered on, "justice" will be served.
 Thank you, Tony B. Liar
New Labour hoovered up the scum of the Earth and imposed them on the British nation as part of some twisted diversity plan, the Mandelsleaze has admitted. As a result, a British soldier was brutally murdered on the streets of Woolwich by faux Islamists this month. That's something to remember the next time Bliar and/or his cronies start posturing for the TV cameras.
The Planning Minister, N. Boles, thinks we will all be happier with the countryside converted to new housing. Should be a big hit with hay-fever sufferers!
  Dodge one bullet, duck into the path of another
A little lad in Leicestershire has developed rickets because his Mum smothered him with sun-block to prevent skin cancer and prevented his body from making vitamin D.
 Saving his own rotten skin
The secret is out – Calamity Clegg is ratting on deals agreed by the Coalition to get himself noticed because he's afraid that his party is plotting to ditch him as a total disaster and Vince Cable is being lined up to replace him.
 Unfair, unfair!
A study by a company making a living out of the slimming industry has found that men lose weight twice as easily as women when they diet. So, before you know it, the ambulance-chasing lawyer fraternity will be getting together claims for compensation for bad design against the creator of the human race.
 Another reputation lost
The news agency Blomberg has admitted that its reporters have been spying on major financial institutions, including the Bank of England, the US Federal Reserve and the European Central Bank.
Blomberg rents terminals to these banks to allow them to track commodity prices and has a "near strangle-hold" on the financial information market. The reporters have been monitoring what information a particular client has been studying – for their own sinister purposes.
Blomberg used to have a reputation for scrupulous integrity. Now, more lawyers will be getting even richer when the spied upon sue.
 We've heard of "Sieg Heil", Herr BallsFührer,
but "Sieg Flat" is a new one on us!
Great News! Britain has avoided a Triple-Dip Recession.
In fact, once there were real numbers to examine instead of guesses by overpaid financial geniuses, last year's much-mentioned Double-Dip vanished from sight like the mirage it always was.
The Balls Monster is reported to be in deep mourning at the loss of something to beef about.
Sieg, Sieg!
If your local A&E Department is overloaded to the point of standstill, DON'T PANIC! Health Sec. J. Hunt plans to train an extra 2,000 GPs and everything will be okay by 2018. If you're still alive then.
 Double-Dip Mirage
Now that they have some actual data to work with, instead of just guesses, the Office for National Statistics has concluded that there was no double-dip recession in 2012 and that things were a whole lot rosier than the disaster which the Labour party and our other "friends" in the EU and the IMF wanted to us believe in.
 Rip-off under investigation
The EU has sent its riot police into the offices of major oil companies, including BP and Shell, on raids in connection with an investigation into illegal price-fixing for at least the length of the current century. The sad thing is that if there is some sort of trial or tribunal, and the bad guys are fined, the money will just be poured into the EU's coffers to be wasted without recompense to swindled motorists.
Hurried change of plan
The Poundland chain is having to reinvent itself as 97pLand in places to grapple with competition from the 99p Stores group, which is undercutting its pride rather than having a significant impact on the bottom line, one would have thought.
Technology bites!
The new contactless charge cards are supposed to relieve shoppers of the strain and effort of putting a card in a reader. The only problem with them is that eager terminals can read them from a lot further away than the advertised 2" and drain the customer's bank account with phantom charges. Leaving the customer with the strain and effort of having to demand his/her money back.
DMI = "Don't Mention It"
The BBC has dropped a plan to digitize everything on tape after blowing £100 MILLION of licence payers' dosh on its flagship Digital Media Initiative. The guy in charge was being paid £280K and he copped for a £70K bonus AFTER the National Audit Office declared the scheme a disaster.
His boss, on £330K, claimed that the scheme would turn out all right but jumped ship a couple of weeks later. No one is to blame. Such is life at the BBC.
If you want to be ripped off by paying 70% more for flatpack furniture than a customer on the Continent, go to IKEA.
Debased and dangerous
The new nickel-plated 5p and 10p coins have been found to release lots more nickel than the Royal Mint intended. As a result, it's eczema, contact dermatitis and sore & cracked skin for nickel-sensitive people who handle them. And there's no escape by going to Europe. Nickel poisoning from euro coins is rife there.
They're at it again Bluddy Indian scammers are phoning people in the Romiley area and pretending to be from Windows (the MicroSoft version, not double glazing) and trotting out a silly story about their victim's computer sending out distress messages after downloading something nasty. Romiley's Computer Official Guru advises: "Just tell them you don't have a computer; no, not even a laptop; and that will take the wind out of the scammer's sails."
New look not appreciated
There used to be a sign in the Post Office ordering customers to wait their turn and not RUN to the counter. That's gone now, replaced by a sign in English and Welsh demanding that customers queue nicely. What next? Polish? Chinese? Some other language which the counter staff won't be able to speak?
The bigger the organization, the more idiots it contains to think up ways to waste money on useless signs – money which has to come out of the customers' pockets, of course.
It's only taxpayers' money
Surprise! Our recycled Labour MP turned Crime Commissioner has joined the club of hacks who put cronies on the payroll. He now has a staff of 45 and you're paying for them. T. Lloyd is now on course for costing the taxpayer twice as much as the Police Authority he replaced. How very New Labour.
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 Problem solved!
Sheffield's city council has struck a major blow against global warming by banning old ice cream vans – 90% of the vans serving the area – from operating within the city's borders. The council is Labour controlled, of course.
 Reverse course, quick!
Forget all the scare stories about global temperatures rising 10 deg.C by the end of the century and sea levels rising 30-odd feet. According to the Russians, the Sun is about to go into a colder period and another Little Ice Age, lasting 200-250 years will start between 2030 and 2040.
Let's see if the Global Warming Swindlers and their windmills can keep the population warm and the lights on when that happens.
"Human activity and industrial discharges do have a great impact on the environment, but forces of nature are far more powerful," a spokesman for the Russian Academy of Sciences told us.
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| UKIP Saves Dave's Bacon
The Tory losses in the council elections at the beginning of this month were officially "sustainable" and the fact that large numbers of people gave their votes to the UK Inconvenience Party instead of Labour gives the Milibandits nothing to brag about. Worse, it keeps the spotlight off Labour. The Liberals also got a licking but they are seen as a busted flush now and no one cares about them any more.
An answer for everything
The usual appellations – Mister, Missus & Miss – were enlarged by Ms for the benefit of women who didn't know if they are married, or wish to keep it a secret. Now, Brighton council has added Mx to the canon for the benefit of those who don't know which sex they are (or wish to keep it secret). So all of the council's annoying questionnaires and forms will have to be reprinted – at great expense to those foolish enough to pay the Council Tax.
• p.s. It's pronounced "Mixtup".
Another door closes at the BBC stable
Stuart Hall, formerly much-loved TV personality and now a convicted child molester, will never work for them again, the BBC has announced, getting in a fit of bogus indignation before another sleaze investigation begins at the Beeb. But as Mr. Hall is destined for gaol, and he's 83, it's not likely he'll be available for odd jobs.
• The next question is "Is the BBC a fit employer, if Mr. Hall and J. Savile were allowed to get away with anything they chose?"
Another monstrosity perpetrated in the name of art
 Yet another portrait of Her Majesty was unveiled at the beginning of the month. D. Hall's efforts have been variously described as "imposing", "expressionist" and "clearly painted with the much-loved Scottish comedian Stanley Baxter in mind". We offer a graphic showing the portrait, Mr. Baxter in regal drag and an accurate portrait of H.M. so that our readers can make up their own minds.
As a result of the impact of a switch to internet sales, 20% of High Street stores will be converted into housing by 2018.
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Police-State Censorship Continues
The Warwickshire police "service" is refusing to name a copper, who has been charged with stealing £113,000 from their headquarters. The excuse is that "national policy" has changed post-Lovieson, which is total bollux. Lord Lovieson might have recommended cover-ups and secrecy but his report DOES NOT have the force of law.
• The Crime Commissioner for Warwickshire has announced that he has given the Chief Constabule, A. Trotter, a good wigging for his Soviet-style repressive policies.
• The CPS has named the ex-copper as one P. Greaves, outflanking Trotter.
The big problem is the "all in" attitude of the police. They can't get the difference between just giving the meeja the name of a person who is a suspect (or who has actually been charged with a proper offence), and sleazing and smearing the person in question at the same time to build up a shaky case.
Peering dimly into the distance
There is currently an investigation going on into the secretive Family Courts, which are a home of notorious abuses and disgracefully low standards of evidence gathering. The government hopes to extend the probe into the secret Court of Protection, but it's all very tentative and wishy-washy and lacking in commitment at the moment.
The Court of Protection's judges have been ordered to stop sending people to gaol in secret, in abuse of their 'uman rights. Whether they will take any notice of the order from Lord Chief Justice Judge is another matter entirely.
 Cheap & Secretive
Fourteen of 43 constabularies in England and Wales have adopted a policy of keeping secret, the names of people charged with criminal offences, even though they have no authority to do so. The Association of Cheap Police officers is claiming to be fully transparent in all of its activities, but its members are proving how out of touch the union's mouthpieces are if individual chief constables are ignoring ACPO's guidelines.
Cheeky chappie comedian Jimmy Tarbuck was harassed by the sex police last month – the North Yorkshire police "service" didn't want us to know.
Stop making up your own rules!
The Home Sec., T. May, has ordered the police to stop their creeping secrecy over arrests and charges. The police have been claiming that Lord Luvvieson says in his report that the public should not be told the names of suspects and people under arrest "save in exceptional circumstances", but he chose not to include this message in his recommendations and his report does not have the force of law.
• Nothing has been said about the police practice of sleazing people who have been arrested but not charged, as is commonplace in the United States and under Communist regimes.
It's a bit rich for the police to accuse horse riders who wear a hi-viz jacket of impersonating a copper – especially as coppers don't dare to leave the safety of their cop shops any more.
Secrecy Facilitated – an Unintended Consequence(?)
"The Leveson" has made police officers afraid to speak to the Press for fear of being sacked for transgressing rules which have neither substance or the force of law, which makes it all the easier for their bosses to lie about crime rates and clear-up rates, knowing that their lies will not be exposed by a whistle-blower.
Thus senior police officers are quietly down-grading crimes, or choosing not to record them at all, and making categories like cellular phone thefts vanish into the lost-property files. Labour, of course, is blaming the drop in reported crimes on "The Cuts" whilst the Coalition is claiming them as a success story.
Policing by fishing expedition
57,000 people are currently on police bail, having been arrested and then released pending a decision on whether charges will be laid.
The old practice of building a case has been abandoned in favour of grabbing computers, cellphones and any available written documents in the hope of finding something to justify a premature arrest. No wonder our Cheap Police Chiefs are so keen to keep arrests secret – not for the security of the individual or society, but to cover up shoddy police work.
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| Cuts? Wot cuts? |
The good people of Essex will be delighted to know that their new chief constable's salary has not been cut. In fact, he will cop for nearly 18 grand more than the previous incumbent, and 50 grand more than Dave the Leader gets for running the whole country.
Vested interest
The Ministry of Justice has done a survey of the work of the Probation Service between October 2011 and September 2012, and found no evidence that it prevents criminals from committing more crimes. The government is now thinking of out-sourcing the job of trying to make criminals change their ways to charities and the private sector. The PS union's response is that this course of action will put the public at risk. But given the PS's record, it's difficult to see how the public could be placed more at risk.
Worked once, might work again
Discarded French president M. Sarko is hoping to do a Chirac to escape corruption charges and a trip to gaol. J. Chirac managed to cling to power until he was too old to be sent to gaol for his acts of fraud against the people of Paris. Sarko hopes that the electorate will spot that the current president, Hollande, is a total disaster area and give him the job again until he's old and grey and unlockupable.
The "Stitch Up A Celeb" Operation Yewtree is on course to land the taxpayer with a bill for £2 million.
It's not a big deal to be a criminal any more
Violent crimes and burglary are now just a matter for a police caution instead of a court appearance. That's what the Metropolitan police did with thousands of criminals, including violent ones, drug dealers, burglars and rapists last year. In fact, 25% of the cases claimed by the Met as solved went to a caution. And, no doubt, the rest of the police "services" around the country are similarly lenient.
Wet time ahead for firebug yobs?
Metropolitan police officers are training with a German-made hi-power water cannon vehicle in preparation for this summer's riot season. The vehicle has been tried and tested in Northern Ireland, and found to get the job done. And it might just make life easier for the fire brigade if it can blast arsonists quickly enough.
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Cop for that, you flying terrorist!
Heathrow airport is set to stage a trial of a new security measure. The Dept. of Transport is being very coy about the whole thing – especially about the cost – but the essence is that would-be passengers will have to run a gauntlet of specially bred killer bees on the way to their airliner, and anyone who smells of anything resembling an explosive substance will be stung to death on the spot.
The Compensation floodgates are about to open!
Ryanair has settled a case brought by a customer who felt that he had been swindled by a policy, which charges British customers up to half as much again as people living in the EU.
• Compensation lawyers are currently adding a Ryanair message to their PPI nuisance phone-call list.
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His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now! |
Branded Loyalty?
A real estate company in New York has offering its staff a pay rise. But there's a catch. In order to qualify, they have to get a tattoo of the company logo in the name of showing commitment to their employer and "fun". The boss doesn't have the tattoo, but he's supposed to be thinking about it.
MMA @ National Assembly
Cries of "Fascist" and "Dirty Commie" were exchanged during a mass punch-up in the Venezuelan parliament at the start of the month. The oil-rich nation has another leftie government following the death of president-for-life Hugo Chavez, but the opposition has refused to recognize what it claims was a fixed result, and ill-feeling can erupt into physicality very easily in South America.
Getting stuck in more ways than one
The last place you should go for acupuncture is Vienna, where an absent-minded therapist stuck a patient full of pins, took a phone call, forgot about the patient, and locked up and went home.
Talk to 'im upstairs!
The new Pope, What'shisface I, believes that he has a special dispensation from his god, which lets him nod off during long, boring church services.
Filthy mind sees dirty image?
NASA is red with embarrassment because some person with an over-active imagination is accusing the operators of the rover Opportunity of driving it in such a way as to create a sketch of a gentleman's wedding tackle in the sands of Mars.
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 Former It's A Knockout presenter Stuart Hall, who has admitted being an opportunist groper.
The Tories, according to the Monster Raving Looney Party, which complains that its monopoly on loonies is being infringed in epithets hurled at UKIP by Dave's gang.
Judge J. Wolstenholme, who let a burglar stay out of gaol and free to carry on burgling.
Dersingham parish council, Norfolk, which has accused K. Green of causing criminal damage to the war memorial which he had been maintaining on his own initiative for the last 12 years. [Where's Dave the Leader and his Big Society? Ed.]
The Kent coppers who told a 10-year-old girl that chalking a hopscotch grid on the pavement amounted to causing criminal damage.
The head teachers who don't think they should be inspected by Ofsted because it makes them stressed, especially if they know that the report will be bad.
The bosses of the Newcastle NHS Trust, who kept the escape of a killer from a secure unit quiet in case the publicity upset him.
The West Midland police "service", which demands to know if members of Neighbourhood Watch groups are homosexual or gender-unsure, along with demands for details of ethnicity and religions
Birmingham City council asked the same irrelevant, daft PC questions in a survey about wheeled bins in March.
M. Farrer, boss of the NHS Federation, thinks people shouldn't crawl to their doctor's surgery when they're ill, they should send an email or phone the doctor. Has he ever tried ringing a doctor's surgery and asking to speak to the boss? Obviously not.
Fife council, which isn't fulfilling its obligation to empty bins in rural areas because potholes, which the council has allowed to flourish in the roads, are deemed a hazard to navigation for the binmen's vehicles.
The BBC, the self-appointed voicebox of Islamist nutters.
The Labour and Liberal peers, who tried to use the murder of Drummer Lee Rigby in Woolwich as an excuse for rebooting the Snoops' Charter plan to bug all phone and email traffic in the UK.
Defence Minister P. Hammond, who tried to impose a ban on members of the armed services wearing their uniform in public.
"Far queue, far queue very much!" – Frank Zappa.
The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage". |
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top | Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression
to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium. © RAL, May MM13. |
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