Black Flag News Solutions
 
 2011/September 
  final
BFN email address
Previous MonthNext Month
No. 10 Certificate of EndorsementThe content of BFN meets New Labour's standards of accuracy and veracity, and our content is as reliable as a Liberal party election manifesto—guaranteed!

space news
 SPACE NEWS 

voyYour guess is as good as theirs!
Launched in 1991, obsolete in 2007 and weighing 6 tons, the NASA Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite became a major embarrassment this year because the Agency failed dismally to predict where it would start to burn up in the atmosphere and whether any areas of land were likely to be hit by falling bits.
   In the end, NASA concluded that most of the bits had landed in the sea because no one had tried to sue them for being hit by the satellite. The fraught situation was further confused by helpful people on the internet reporting seeing the satellite in areas which were not on its flight path.

 CLIMATE  NEWS 

voyIt's only OUR money they're wasting.
While Hurricane Katia was blowing through, 13 British wind farms had to close because they were generating too much electricity and the taxpayer had to shell out £2 million in compensation to the operators. That's the energy policy wished on us by dopes like Dave the Leader and Calamity Clegg. [Both millionaires who aren't bothered about power bills. Ed.]

voyIt's only OUR money they're wasting.
The Coalition's half-assed policies on renewable energy will add £500/year to everyone's annual fuel bill over the next 4 years. Thanks a bunch, Dave + Cleggie.

voyDon't spend £150 on this Global Warming Swindle
The Times Atlas of the World has deliberately published duff data. The most glaring blunder is a claim that 15% of the Greenland ice shelf has vanished into thin air due to global warming, and there's a new map with lots more green and a lot less white than in the previous edition. Fine, except that current satellite images show that the ice is still there.
   It looks like HarperCollins, the publishers, are trying to do something along the lines of the Vikings' scam of naming the place Greenland to attract gullible settlers, and trying to sell the warmist agenda for their own devious reasons.

voySwindled, whatever happens
Wind farms which had to shut down when Hurricane Katia blew through (because they were producing too much electricity) were paid MORE in compensation that they would have received for producing electricity. But conventional power stations get LESS from the government when they're told to slow down because they're making savings by not burning fossil fuels. This is the crazy world of Dave the Leader, Clegg, Huhne and all the other Global Warming Swindlers in the government.

voyWindmills are a bad idea because:
 • The wind doesn't always blow when we need power and it can blow too much when we have enough power; and
 • There's no way to store the excess energy from windmills when it's available, and
 • Conventional power stations always have to be on wasteful permanent stand-by for when the wind don't blow.

Crime News
 CRIME NEWS 

voyAnother to bite some dust?
Ex-Labour MP M. Moran is the latest to face criminal charges of fraud and forgery through her expenses claims over a period of years. Getting her dry rot fixed courtesy of the taxpayer is her most eye-catching crime.

voySpringtime, but not as we know it, Jum!
This month, the Israeli embassy in Cairo was sacked by a mob in retaliation for Israel's casual murder of three Egyptian border guards last month. It would appear that in the Arab Spring, Israel's assumption that it can kill as many Arabs as it likes with American impunity has hit some buffers.

voyShame continued
Bankers are being prosecuted for their crimes against humanity in the USA but D. Cameron has no explanation for why the same doesn't happen to whose who broke British law. It looks like cozy financial arrangements made with both Labour & Tories in the New Labour era are still going strong; which is not something Dave can admit.

voyIt's only OUR money they're wasting.
Train drivers in London will get a bribe of £1,800 just for turning up to work during the 2012 Olympics. But the genius who decided to give them the money didn't bother to include a "no strike" clause in the deal. Naturally, no one is getting the sack for this act of criminal negligence because the Coalition seems to be continuing New Labour's policy that no public servant is responsible for his/her actions and misdeeds.

voyA pretty exact fit
The Broon Hole in the Chancellor's budget deficit plan is just about the same as the £13 BILLION wasted by New Labour on its NHS mega-computer system, which never worked and which the Coalition has had to scrap.

 DOSH NEWS 

voyRip-off warning
If you buy Cadbury's chocolates, expect to pay the same price (or even more) for a tin or packet with less content, e.g. 15% less for Heroes and 12% less for Roses.

voyWithout bias? Joke!
The gang running the Princess Diana Fund are giving money to an organization which is controlled by the Labour Party and which pursues its campaign for unlimited migration into the UK. Predictably, the BBC is on board with this agenda. Not to mention the blessed V. Cable's Business Dept., which is also kicking in taxpayers' money.

voyBad service or none at all is all you can expect
Complaints to the Financial Ombudsman of misconduct by banks are up by an average of 50% in the first half of the year – and some of the worst offenders (with over 100% increases) are the nationalized banks, which have created a £40 BILLION hole in the taxpayer's pocket.

voyGet out of that (and if only we could)!
The US government is blaming the European Union for the world recession due to a combination of political failures, broken promises and a wilful failure to tackle the eurozone's de facto collapses at the fringes. But is anyone likely to take much notice of Pres. O'Bummer and his gang in the light of the financial mess in the good old US of A?

voyLest we forget . . .
The Brown Hole into which New Labour stuck us is now £3,589,000,000,000 deep.

 
voyWords with a meaning
According to a national print newspaper, Ed "He's talking" Balls made a "fulsome" apology for helping G. Broon to spend the country into bankruptcy. Given that our dictionary defines "fulsome" as nauseous in its excess, insincerity and hypocrisy, it was well applied!

 
voyMore cash down the drain
If you're ever wondering how the country got so broke, New Labour blowing £13 BILLION on a NHS computer system which never worked was a big help. And J. "Two Jags" Prescott, the joke deputy prime monster, also helped by blowing half a million quid of taxpayers' money on a plan to create 9 regional fire brigade control centres. A report just issued on the fiasco said the plan was "flawed from the start" and "suffered from an extraordinary failure of leadership". Which is the long way round of saying "Prescott".

 DICTATOR NEWS 


voySurprise!
According to the A. Darling memoirs, G. Broon is a total curmudgeon who goes bang! all the time and he spent most of his time as prime monster trying to sack poor old Alastair and replace him with the appalling Balls person. And all those silly stories about how Broon and Tony B. Liar were best mates – they were a loada lies. Is this supposed to be news or something worth buying the book to know? Because we've known it all along.

voy"Lying" – how operative a word
We always knew that the Bliar regime crawled into M. Gadaffy's pocket after playing poodle to Pres. G.W. Bush. Now, the documents to prove it have been found "just lying around" in the wreck of the British embassy and elsewhere in Tripoli.

voyWhere's Gadaffy?
The latest story is that he and a convoy of lorries loaded with gold fled south from Libya, through Niger, to Burkina Faso, a popular place for email scammers to live, thanks to a deal done by the South African regime.

voyA good enough excuse?
Jacques Chiraq, disgraced former mayor of Paris and French president, has been excused attending his trial for corruption and abuse of office because his memory has stopped working. In fact, he doesn't have time to be in court because he's too busy touring bookshops flogging his memoirs.

voyThat's going to make a difference!
The latest brilliant idea from the equality Mafia is to give witches pink pointy hats, instead of black ones, to suggest that they're really quite cute (in a warty sort of way).

voyRubbish racket
A woman living @ Lytham St. Annes told the council that her wheely bin was to big to go in her garden, so they let her park it in an alley. The council sent minions round to photograph the bin to make sure it was parked correctly, then they kidnapped it and demanded a £30 ransom because it was 3 feet from the appointed parking place.
   A spokesmouth for Fylde council told BFN: "We would prefer not to waste scarce public resources on minor issues like this but we are all sad, incurable, petty interfering jobsworths and we can't help it."

 HEALTH NEWS 


X-ray machinevoyGreen, clean & deadly
Want to know a good way to commit suicide? Use a mobile phone while driving a G-Wiz electric car in traffic. A crash at 30 mph or more is a pretty solid guarantee of sudden death.

voyAnother "green" waste of space
"Smart meters" have been declared a total waste of time – it's official! They burn electricity to tell people how much electricity they use, and that's supposed to make people switch stuff off to save themselves money and save the planet. Except, they cause endless family rows when people can be bothered to sit staring at the pesky gadgets, which doesn't happen too much, fortunately for the murder rate.

voyTelling it like it is
Congrats to the Royal Liverpool & Broadgreen University hospital trust for admitting in an online advert that the obligatory equal opportunities guff is a load of rubbish and window dressing.

voyChoc-eating couch potatoes rule, OK!
Eating dark chocolate boosts fitness as much as all the exercise in the world, researchers in the good old US of A have found. But only if you happen to be a mouse in their lab. We just knew there had to be a catch!

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

He's been called the Blogger of the Decade

His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!

travel
 TRAVEL NEWS 


voyHow daft do the bastards think we are anyway?
The Tony B. Liar regime introduced air passenger taxes to stop poor people from flying and save the planet for rich people and those travelling at the taxpayer's expense. Guess what, it worked! Fewer people are flying. So what's the government's reaction? Wild joy that the planet has been saved? Wrong.
   Our present Coalition of deadlegs, which includes a whole gang of Liberal looney planet-savers, is worried about the loss of tax revenue and it wants to put the air passenger duty up by 25%. Not to save the planet, just to raise revenue. Which is what the tax was all about really when Gordon bloody Broon invented it. So it looks like the only difference between New bloody Labour and the Coalition is that Labour lies about putting up taxes and the Coalition can't be bothered to.

voyLook out!
Beware of drunken Russians on planes. One of them smuggled 2 hives of bees aboard his flight, and the bees caused a riot when they got loose.

voyWe knew, we knew
The Bliar regime denied it, so it comes as no surprise that there is proof that the regime helped to fly suspected terrorist around the world by stealth, cozied up to the Libyans for profit and facilitated torture. And that denial about freeing the Lockerbie bomber to make a BP oil deal go through – another lie.

voyDefective theory or even a loophole?
The European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) has more on its plate than looking for a Yes/No decision on the Higgs boson, the so-called "God Particle". Some of its experiments have thrown up a theory-shattering result. Apparently, CERN has sent neutrinos to a detector in Italy, 454 miles away, marginally faster than the speed of light; which is supposed to be the limiting velocity of everything.
   As always, checking, confirming and repeating the result will take years. But the select band of mathematicians who advocate the existence of "structure" in apparently continuous sweeps of the fabric of the universe, and the existence of "loopholes" in laws of physics which seem to be set in stone, are wearing somewhat smug grins for the moment.

 WAR NEWS 

voyNews Update
+ + + M. Q'ddaffiy has vowed to fight to the last drop of his last mercenary's blood + + + Cameron swears on his integrity that Libya will not become an action replay of the shambles which Tony B. Liar helped to create in Iraq + + + Britain blows billions of pounds on dropping bombs on the Q'dfy regime and the bloody French get all the oil + + +

voyNice one, Dave!
The scumbags of the Iraq Historian Allegations Team are trying to get British troops to give anonymous evidence against other British troops of abuse of Iraqis during the Bush-Blair war. Do we really need these allies of the ambulance-chasing brigade drawing vast salaries from the pockets of British taxpayers to blacken our country's reputation still further with innuendo and outright lies? What is Dave the Leader thinking of?

world news
 WORLD  NEWS 

voySarko sleazed?
Did the French president queue up for his envelopes of cash from France's richest woman in exchange for giving her tax breaks? If he did, no surprise there as he was just following the example of Pres. Chirac (who's now claiming he's too ill to face corruption and theft charges in court). And if he didn't, big surprise!

The EU, better out than inOh, bloody great.
The wise men of the European Union are wasting €3 million on promoting bugs and creepie crawlies as the new, high-protein, low-fat, low cholesterol food of the 21st century. Thank you very much, EU, for making life a bit more disgusting every day.

voyA change of expressions
Don't say: "It's like painting the Forth bridge!" because the new coat of epoxy paint will last 25 years. An alternative is: "It's like building the Edinburgh tramway!" which has become the definition of shoddy workmanship, supervision and cost control.

voyPull the other one, mate!
A UN committee composed of members from countries which make abuse of human rights a priority for the government (China, Russia, you know who they are) has compared evicting foreign "travellers" (who never travel) from an illegal encampment in Britain to the worst mass murders and atrocities in history. But then, the UN has never been too close to the real world.

voyThey never learn; or don't want to
Heinz has outraged consumers of HP Sauce by messing about with the recipe, as Twinings did recently with their Earl Grey tea as a publicity stunt. But does an American company making the stuff in Holland instead of England really care about the British consumer? Of course, not.

voyGet on with your own job, mate!
President O'Bummer took time out from hurling $400 BILLION at the failed US economy to let the Palestinians know that he intends to sink their application for UN membership, so they needn't bother putting it in. Given that he can't run his own country, it's rather cheeky to expect anyone to listen to his views on what other countries should do.

 DEPARTURES 

David Croft, scriptwriter & TV producer and director, 89

His biggest TV hit was Dad's Army (1968-1977, which he co-wrote with Jimmy Croft. His long list of credits includes 'Allo 'Allo, It Ain't Half Hot Mum, Hi-De-Hi! and Are You Being Served? working with Jeremy Lloyd. He was born into a show-business family and his experiences in the Royal Artillery during World War II gave him material for his series with a wartime setting. He also wrote pantomime scripts and worked in television as a producer and a director as well as a writer. A great deal of his work has lasting value, and remains available to audiences old and new on DVD and in Digital Heaven on TV.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

www.Crooks In Action.co.uk

No longer new on the World Wide Web – a brilliant resource exposing Nigerian-type 419 scams, bogus lotteries & job offers, phishing attempts and much, much more!
CLICK HERE to find out what email miracles are on offer.

Home News
 HOME NEWS 
UK Flag

 
voyRejoice and Relax! or Reality, what reality?
According to Milibandit Labour, no cuts are necessary. Absolutely none at all. Even though their man Broon plunged the country into an abyss of debt. And the Milibandit's deputy, Harridan Harperson, is absolutely unanimous in this.

voyConfusion ended or confusion caused?
Supermarket sell-by dates are to be abolished because the government thinks just having best-before or eat-before dates will cut down on food waste, save the average family £6,000 per year and save the planet.

ACPOBrilliant scam, or what!
A bloke tracked his stolen to a traveller site – only to be told by the police that they were too frightened to retrieve the remains of the stolen van. Are the police really this crap, or is there a hidden agenda?
   BFN suspects that some dodgy PR guy has told the nation's Cheap Police Officers that if they let their businesses appear to be totally useless, people will realize it's a waste of time to report a crime and stop doing it.
   The spiv probably warned the CPOs that there would be some adverse publicity at first but when the apparent crime rate drops, they will be able to brag about what a good job they're doing and demand lots more dosh. Will anyone fall for this shabby trick? The Coalition probably will.

Far Queue List

Far Queue symbol Pres. Sarkozy, if he was bunged envelopes of cash.

Far Queue symbol Anyone who bunged Sarkozy, if he was bunged.

Far Queue symbol All coppers who blame cuts which haven't happened yet for the poor quality of investigations by their own and neighbouring police "services".

Far Queue symbol E. "He's talking" Balls, the Broonie deficit denier, according to A. Darling, who was in a position to know.

Far Queue symbol T.B. Liar's "ethical" foreign policy, especially toward Libya.

Far Queue symbol The Mandelsleaze, who is reported to be touting for business in Qatar, Ukraine, absolutely anywhere where they'll have him.

Far Queue symbol Judge F. Henderson, who thinks stealing someone's property by squatting is a right, not a criminal act.

Far Queue symbol M. Miscovic, the "safe pair of hands" chief risk officer at UBS, who had the same job at both of the collapsed banks Lehman Bros. & Barings, and who had no idea that the same thing was going on under her nose at UBS.

Far Queue symbol Pretend psychic S. Morgan, whose working methods seem to be remarkably clumsy and easy to spot, or was that really a spirit voice which was heard whispering stuff to her from backstage?

Far Queue symbol E. "Bully Boy" Balls, who claims he was pulling G. Broon's strings while the curmudgeonly Mugger was spending the country into bankruptcy, and who thinks he's fit to be permanent Chancellor of the Exchequer.

Far Queue symbol "Far queue, far queue very much!" – Frank Zappa.

The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage".

back to toppage
top
Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression.
Sole RAL, September 2011.    Free web counters are available from www.digits.com