2010/March    final	Every edition of BFN is compiled in accordance with official 10 Downing Street guidelines on accuracy and veracity.

SPACE NEWS  HMSA to be launched on All Fools Day Her Majesty's Space Agency will open its doors for business on April 1st in Swindon, home of the nation's steam railway museum. It will have a budget of £270 million and it will combine the nation's space efforts under one single roof.    And just to prove that it's not a complete joke and another New Labour waste of taxpayers' cash, the agency will unveil its primary mission on opening day, a leaked email has revealed to BlackFlag News. Before the decade is out, HMSA will send the Mandelsleaze to the Moon and leave him there.

EDITORIAL 2  An Entitlement Culture Is it any wonder that Labour MPs and ministers are going astray? They look at what Tony Blair and the Mandelsleaze have got away with and they decide that they're equally entitled to benefit from corruption.    One can feel their sense of outrage when they are arrested, expelled from their party and shamed for doing no more than follow the example of their leaders. After all, isn't the Labour party supposed to be about equality and immunity from the rule of law?

HEALTH NEWS Gordon Brown to claim Industrial Injury Benefit The prime monster will argue before an NHS Tribunal that his severe "Revolving Head Syndrome" is caused by demonic possession as a direct result of the stresses of a job which he is not able to do, and that as he was forced into the job by public acclaim, the taxpayer should compensate him. Hijack Warning : a reader writes: "My computer did an automatic update of its Windows operating system and suddenly, I found that my Internet Explorer home page had been hijacked by some interloper website called 'Bing.com' and I was being harassed to install alternative browsers, one of which I already had and three of which I didn't want." He's obviously up to something : a consultant writes: "It's rather strange to see Gordon Brown, a man with a well-deserved reputation for running away from trouble, in a sort of "burning deck" scenario. With the general election looming, the man is standing somewhere "whence all but he had fled". Which raises the question, "Why?" Is he enjoying the solitude of being somewhere outrageously dangerous just before the trouble starts? Or is he just planning to play the victim card and claim compensation for industrial injuries when the deck collapses under him?" Unintended consequences or they just don't give a damn? The head of conservation at the National Trust has warned that the government's tax assault on the cider market will lead to fewer English orchards and extinction for the wildlife now living in these orchards.

SUMMER NEWS  It's happening this year for sure! There's a Barbeque Summer forecast for this year and, before you go dashing out to buy another umbrella, the prediction ISN'T from the discredited Met Office computer. Positive Weather Solutions, which got last year's wet summer right, is the source of this good news for vendors of ice cream and sun-tan lotion and bad news for anyone liable to die of heat-stroke.

EARTH HALF-HOUR The World Wildlife Fund wants everyone to switch their lights off for an hour and give them a quid to save the planet WE'LL DO IT FOR HALF THE MONEY!! Register NOW at www.EHH.scam and we'll take only 50p off you! DO IT NOW! DO IT LOTS OF TIMES TO SAVE THE PLANET EVEN MORE!

DEPARTURES    Michael Foot, Labour politician, 96 He was the Socialist Labour leader who produce the worst ever election manifesto by trying to sell Big Government, high taxation and trade union power to a people who had voted in Margaret Thatcher at the previous general election. As someone who didn't get involved in World War Two, he was famous for turning up at the Cenotaph on Remembrance Day in a donkey jacket to celebrate his working class roots. Ironically, he was responsible for inducting Tony Blair into the House of Commons – Blair being the man who got the Socialism out of the Labour party and, as a values-free New Labour leader, steered the country into an illegal war in Iraq and economic ruination at the hands of Gordon Brown.  DEPARTURES    Winston Churchill, the grandson, 69 Saddled with a name recognized around the world, he tried to follow in his grandfather's footsteps as a war correspondent and then as a Conservative MP, and took a licking from the comparisons. He was a competent MP but he made no great speeches in the Commons and he was never on-message enough to hold a ministerial office in a Tory government. He was a bit full of himself at times and he had to struggle to live in the manner expected of a Churchill. He succeeded in upsetting a lot of the worst sort of people by blagging £12.5 million of National Lottery money for a deal to keep his grandfather's archive of documents in Britain, and he was also good at upsetting the grandees of the Tory party by supporting the wrong sort of causes.  DEPARTURES    Peter Graves, actor, 83 His career in films and TV series lasted the best part of 60 years but he will be remembered as Agent Jim Phelps of Mission Impossible (1967-1973), who took his mission briefings from self-destructing tapes. He then selected a team of usual suspects, which usually included the man who was Mr. Spock, for a daring mission behind Communist or other totalitarian lines, and the mission usually ended with a dash for the border after the bad guys had been bamboozled thoroughly with amazing gadgetry and the application of almost superhuman talents by individual team members.  DEPARTURES    The Bill, TV soap, 26 [in the autumn] It used to be a drama series about crime-fighting in London but it degenerated into a routine soap with its main focus on the screwed-up lives of the coppers. Criminals became almost incidental.    [Hang on, this is exactly what policing is like under New Labour. The coppers spend most of their time filling in forms to create false statistics to make the government look good and most of the criminals get away with it. Ed.]    ITV's decision to evict the show from its 8 p.m. slot cost it a lot of viewers. And bumping it completely for every passing sports event destroyed fan loyalty. Having done an excellent demolition job, ITV has now decided to drop the show completely.  DEPARTURES    Robert Culp, actor, 79 He was a big hit in the 1960s TV show I Spy (1965-68) as the tennis-playing spy with another spy (Bill Cosby) pretending to be his manager. He played serious roles as well as comedy parts, but not with the same success, and his 50-year career included films like the wife-swapping comedy Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice (1969) and parts in Broadway shows before he began working in television. He was a regular in many TV series, including Columbo & The New Adventures of Superman, and when not working, he supported the American civil rights movement and married 5 times.

ROMILEY NEWS    It's only other people's money Why is Stockport's Council Tax going up by 3.6% during a recession? That's double the going rate of 1.8%. Well, in the good old days, being a councillor was about public service and giving one's time to one's local community. But these days, most of our local Trivial Democrats are paying themselves £16,000 a year in allowances – that's £200,000 not available to be spent on something worthwhile not counting expenses – and throwing OUR money around on trivialities like a drunken Gordon Brown. So it's no bloody wonder we are up there with the highest rates of C-Tax in the country. In case anyone is wondering about the emails sent out to Romiley's councillors in January, we still haven't had replies from Lees & Mclay. But as they're Trivial Democrats, they're probably out shopping and blowing their 16 grand. Things are getting so rough politically in our area that even our supposedly nice MP, Mr. Stunell, has been caught in the act of spreading lies about the Tories.

Book of the Week A man with more integrity than he knows what to do with.    A. Campbell (disgraced spin doctor) A shameful catalogue of self-interest and selling out the British public.    The Campaign for Honesty In Politics A comprehensive account of all that can be achieved in public life.    P. Mandelason (Lord) I will always count this man among my best friends and mentors.    G. F. Broon (failed politician) Available at £25 right now but Romiley Book Store will have LOTS and LOTS of cheap remainders next month so DON'T BUY IT NOW!

DOSH NEWS    Sanity Prevails Despite theGuardian's hypocritical and politically motivated hysteria over Lord Ashcroft, a survey of right-thinking Britons has found that they agree that no sane person, given the opportunity, would leave their money at the mercy of Gordon Brown, the man who has squandered over ONE TRILLION POUNDS of the nation's wealth over the last 13 years – that's £50,000 for each head of population. Extreme scrounging! The latest scam made possible by New Labour's 'Uman Rights laws is for a man to get a sex-change, funded by the taxpayer, so that he can claim an old-age pension at 60 instead of 65. Commons justice and let-offs for all The Labour MPs E. Morley, D. Chaytor & J. Devine, all currently facing criminal charges for stealing with fraudulent expenses claims, would have us believe that the courts have no jurisdiction over them and only Parliament can stand in judgement over them. Why? Because Labour dominates the committee which deals with fraudulent expenses claims and the thieves are getting away with murder. Enterprise in difficult times The Indian government is to set up a money-laundering database which, it hopes, will become a centre of excellence in the battle to control terrorist funding. India plays host to some of the world's leading underworld bankers and creators of counterfeit currency and the government sees the new venture as a way of generating an income in the low billions per year in difficult times. Don't tell anyone what you read here! Tony Blair is so embarrassed about the £20 million which he has scammed over the last 3 years that he doesn't want his former subjects to know about it. And he especially doesn't want them to know that he's in the pocket of several oil companies and cashing in all the favours he did for Pres. Dubya Bush when Bush was the boss of the universe. It comes as no surprise that Blair has been chumming up to a South Korean oil boss who's been gaoled for corruption and Blair wants to keep this embarrassing (for the Labour party, which is using him as a plugger in the election) information secret. Idle and/or useless The House of Commons has advertised another Labour public-sector non-job – for a lift attendant. Apparently, the Members are too bloody lazy to push the buttons themselves. The Budget The summary is: It's going to cost you. You'll be hit with new stealth taxes and you're going to spend the rest of your life paying off the mountain of debt created by Gordon Brown's reckless spending and New Labour's culture of waste.

CLIMATE NEWS    The recipe for Global Warming Snake Oil Prof. P. Jones, the disgraced head of the Climate Research Unit at East Anglia University (the emails bloke), would have us believe that is it not standard practice to release data and computer models so that other scientists can check the results and methods of a research project to find out if they stand up to scrutiny.    What he's saying amounts to: "We've proved the Earth is doomed unless you give us lots of money but we're not going to show you our data or tell you how we arrived at our results."    So where the Man-Made Global Warming religion is concerned (as for other cults, religions & politics), does the scientific method go out the window and are we're supposed to take what the swindlers say on trust, Prof. Jones?    Yes, we'd come to this conclusion ages ago but it's nice to have it confirmed. The Swindlers changer their tune Having been caught in the act of fiddling data to "prove" that the human race is causing catastrophic global warming, the Global Warming Swindlers have come up with a new message. If the climate is changing, they say, then the human race has to be responsible. Which leaves us asking: "What was it that the human race did to cause the last Ice Age and can't we do a bit of it to stop Global Warming?"    In the meantime, the GWS are continuing with their tactic of threatening to resign from scientific institutions, like the Institute of Physics, if the institution gives any sort of hearing to people who don't go along with their religion. The intention would appear to be to devalue the scientific institutions into the equivalent of one-party states, in which the GWS can thrive unopposed. Heads pulled in The Met Office has decided to drops its long-range weather forecasts to avoid further humiliation when "Barbeque Summers" are rained off and "Mild Winters" turn out to be the coldest for 30 years.  • The computer which the Met Office uses for its long-term forecasts is the same one used to produce disaster forecasts for the rest of the century in support of the Great Man-Made Global Warming Swindle, to which the Met Office is an adherent. So much for Sunny Spain! The heaviest March snow in living memory has left a quarter of a million people without electricity in northern Spain and the roads at the border with France are all blocked. Spanish Met Office staff, who forecast an unusually mild winter for the region, are believed to be in hiding on Madeira and cut off from the rest of the world by storms. Global Warming really IS all about the money The World Wide Fund for Nature, a fund-raising body which exploits allegedly endangered species like polar bears, calculated that a small reduction in rainfall due to global warming could wipe out 40% of the Amazon jungle. This claim was pounced upon by the UN's IPCC, another fund-raising body exploiting global warming scares. But a proper study by NASA (surprisingly, as NASA is the home to some of the world's worst Global Warming Swindlers) has found that the worst drought for over a century has had little effect on the amount of vegetation along the Amazon. Scam derailed The Advertising Standards Authority has ordered the government to pull two Global Warming adverts based on cod nursery rhymes because they are shameless and groundless scaremongering. Energy Sec. E. Milipede is responsible for this abuse of taxpayers' cash.

CRIME NEWS  More work for the police,    more misery for the public Justice Minister J. Straw has created another bogus 'uman right for convicts. If they miss out on a scheme which lets prisoners out of gaol 18 days early, they qualify for being let out 4½ months early as long as they agree to wear a tag and vote Labour in the general election. Do It Yourself – the best strategy for meeting targets Senior staff at the Royal Mail face prosecution for paying themselves performance bonuses based on fraudulent "quality of service" tests. Independent testers should perform them but managers have been using Royal Mail staff as the recipients of test deliveries to make the numbers look good. No discrimination allowed    except by race & religion The Scottish division of the Association of Cheap Police Officers has upset all Christians in the ranks by giving taxpayers' cash and recognition to a Moslem Police Association while denying both to the equivalent Christian association. Which looks like a clear case of jobsworths trying to buy influence with other people's money while insulting the indigenous population. How very New Labour. The latest phone scam . . . . . . is for some Indian to ring you up (number withheld) to tell you he's calling from Sky to ask you if your Sky box is working okay. This looks like a successor to the scam where some Indian rings you up pretending to be from MicroSoft to tell you your computer has sent distress signals to MicroSoft and he'll tell you how to make it stop running slowly. Bang to rights The Advertising Standards Authority has banned the Home Office from running advertising campaigns about policing under New Labour until the Home Office agrees to abide by the ASA's requirement that all adverts are "legal, decent, honest and truthful". Most of the Home Office's current output of Labour party propaganda, all paid for by the taxpayer, fails to meet the requirements on at least 3 counts.

EDITORIAL  Why the Tory opinion poll lead has slumped The voters know that, come the general election, they will be swapping one bunch of useless wreckers for another. But what they are not yet sure about is that the Cameron Crowd will be as useless as Brown's Bunglers.    After all, how many peerages have the Tories sold in the last 13 years? And how many illegal wars have they started? And the Tories had the nerve to go out of office in 1997 leaving the British economy in such good shape that it took Gordon Brown a decade to wreck it, proving that the Tories are not totally useless.    The Tories will have to struggle to reach the standard of uselessness set by the likes of "Two Jags" Prescott, the boy Milipede, Ed "He's Talking" Balls and Harridan Harperson. And, as yet, they have yet to unveil an equivalent of Lord Sleaze.    Thus it would seem that there is a long way to go before the Cameron Crowd can prove themselves as Cameron Klutzes and reach the peaks of uselessness scaled by Improved New Labor.

HOME NEWS  Brown & Darling in suicide pact? That's the only logical explanation for our bullying prime monster and his boot polish-eyebrowed chancellor choosing to fly the kite of putting an extra £8 tax on a bottle of whisky in the Budget.    If they actually went ahead and did it, they'd be lynched the instant they set foot in Scotland again, and the Scotch whisky industry would be queueing up to stomp on the remains. So the scenario would appear to be setting up a scary monster for the Brown Bungler to slay, to the benefit of a grateful nation, on the way to saving his job. Not always the obvious explanation A correspondent writes: The first day of March and the Internet was running slow. No, it was more dead stop than slow. So I did a check of what my Virgin Media basic broadband connection was offering me. Which turned out to be about nine and a half megabits per second. Which only goes to prove that, some days, the Internet runs at a crawl and it doesn't matter how fast your connection is. And now for some Good News! MPs are getting a pay rise of £1,000 per year. Dream on! Londonderry council is wasting the locals' cash on a bid for the status of UK Caterpillar of Culture, hoping to blag the same sort of loot which Liverpool collected in 2008, but knowing that the local IRA members will kick up a stink over "London" and "UK" references. Which means that the council will blow the cash and the committee making the award will turn them down on 'elf & safety grounds, especially if car bombs start going off. Just as a precaution . . . New Labour plans to have Gordon Brown exorcised before the start of the formal general election campaign just in case he's possessed by demons and that's why he's been bullying the staff at 10 Downing Street and chucking things at them. The Brown exorcism was "a partial success". He's still attacking people but when he throws things, his aim is worse and he rarely hits anyone. Another Brilliant Government Initiative Q: What happens if you phone a government department and the person at the other end of the phone is too busy, or too idle, to take the call? A: The civil servant follows management instructions and does a bad imitation of an answering machine. Q: Why doesn't the civil servant just ignore the phone? A: Because the government sets targets for phone-answering times and there is bonus money at stake, even if the response is of no use at all to the person making the phone call. Q: Why? A: Because that's the New Labour way. No danger of anything original The Trivial Democrats, the middle-of-the-road party, have cobbled together an election slogan by taping part of the Tory slogan onto some of Labour's message. So they're liable to be sued by both rivals for breach of copyright. The Independent, the newspaper no one wants to buy, has been sold off for a quid to KGB agent, who's in charge of government propaganda sheets in Russia. The Three Chancellors Debate; a correspondent writes: "I felt I didn't need to watch it as Osborne doesn't know the full extent of the mess Brown has created, so all he can do is busk. Cable won't be the next chancellor. And Darling will do what all Labour politicians do: lie his head off even though everyone knows what he's doing."

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HYPOCRISY NEWS  Boo bloody hoo! We are now being invited to feel sorry for Tony Blair because he is being tortured by his conscience over getting hundreds of thousands of people killed by starting an illegal war in Iraq and he was bullied by the Brown monster. Labour infiltraitors in the Charities Commission are working to close down all anti-bullying charities to give Gordon Brown's victims nowhere to turn to, and to prevent future embarrassment. It's the way they tell them According to the Labour party, which pretends to believe in equality of opportunity, a toff like D. Cameron shouldn't be allowed to be prime monster. No, the PM should be someone who was dragged up in abject poverty, who never had a chance to go to school, never mind university, and who has never held a proper job outside politics and never experienced the slings and arrows of real life.    Someone like Gordon Brown? How to have it all ways Pres. Sarko grabbed a few headlines when he promised to save the human race with an eye-watering carbon tax on his French customers. Now, he's grabbed some more by ditching the scam in an attempt to crawl up the asses of the anti-Global Warming Swindlers lobby.    He thinks that so many Global Warming scams have been exposed recently that there are more votes on the anti side. His tax falling foul of the French constitutional court also helped him into the U-turn. The New Labour way of being honest and transparent Their allies at the House of Commons have chosen to keep fraudulent accounts submitted by thieving MPs secret until after the general election.

TRAVEL NEWS    It's the way they tell them! When a government minister boasts that 90% of the trains are running on time, remember that short-distance trains can be 5 minutes late and still be classed as "on time" and long-distance trains can be up to 10 minutes late.    When real times are used to generate the statistics, only 50% of trains are ever on time. Boring! Formula One returned, offering nothing more exciting than a processional "race" at Bahrain with Jenson Button suffering the usual fate of last year's champion by finishing well down the field. But Lewis Hamilton, the year before's champ, was on the podium after finishing 3rd.

WAR NEWS  What is the point of Chilcot? Gordon Brown goes there, smirking, and lies his head off shamelessly about his part in the illegal Iraq war, and cutting the military budget and getting British soldiers killed. Then Chilcot thanks him and Brown strolls out, still grinning. Chilcot Committee clears Saddam The Iraq war inquiry has found that Mr. S. Hussein al Tikriti "did everything properly" and that his conduct in office was a series of "right decisions taken for the right reasons". He was never guilty of starving his armed forces of funds to buy necessary equipment for fighting foreign wars and, all in all, he was a "jolly fine fellow" who never lied to his people. Icelandic honesty In a referendum, the people of Iceland voted NOT to repay the £3,500,000,000 stolen from British and Dutch investors by their crooked bankers. They seem to think being fast-tracked into the European Union as another scrounger nation will solve all of their problems. As the Greeks solved their national tendency to reckless spending. American cults are losing their pulling power The All-American Psychopath is looking for new causes as Christianity falters in God's Country and home-grown cults look stale and samey. Growing numbers of backwoods Americans (and some frontwoods ones, too) now see faux Islam as a haven and an outlet for their desire to team up with a bunch of nutters who'll tell them it's okay to kill people, and airline and immigration staff are looking forward to being ruder to everyone, not just people who look like they might be Moslems. Weapons of Mass Lachrymation The Indian army is planning to put essence of the world's hottest chilli pepper into smoke grenades for use against rioters and terrorists. The pepper is reputed to be strong enough to stop a charging elephant in its tracks. So it should make a few Al Kaida eyes water. Diabolical, or what! The latest conspiracy theory is that the Mossad is such a super-efficient killing machine that its bosses felt that making a shambles of the recent murder of a Hamas guy in Dubai would make everyone think it was a hit by a rival Hamas faction dressed up to look like a Mossad hit.

WORLD NEWS  Today, Tower Hamlets; tomorrow, the world! Moslem extremists have infiltrated the Labour party in London the way Militant Tendency did it in Liverpool in the 1980s. The only problem is that New Labour is such a ragbag of extremists of one sort or another (class, veggie, Global Warming Swindlers, etc.) that the Moslems will blend right in and be invisible to those hoping to extract them. Food Politics & Reality Of the £63 million sent to relieve famine in Ethiopia by Live Aid and other charities in 1985, 5% went on food and the rest was stolen by various militias to buy guns and bombs, allegedly. Economic Mismanagement & Reality The Germans have come up with a brilliant proposition for Greece, which is as bankrupt as Brown's Britain and in need of a bail-out. Instead of just giving the Greeks some money, the Germans are suggesting that the Greeks sell them some islands and a few of their nationalized industries. After proclaiming that the spendthrift Greeks would get nothing, the EU is now planning to bail them out with £22,000,000,000 of our money. Fascinating Fact: If a U.S. park ranger finds a frozen bear corpse come the spring melt of ice & snow, he blows up the remains with dynamite knowing that Mother Nature and her creatures will make the bits disappear in 3 days flat!

The ref in the League Cup final. The doctors who are trying to get the Yorkshire Ripper set free because he's been "cured". Not to mention the legal-aid lawyers on the team. The Sentencing Advisory Panel, which wants courts to keep burglars and criminal gangs out of gaol and in the community. The SAP has been reported to the Sanity Commission. The members of the Commons standards committee, who are failing to make MP swindlers pay back more than a small fraction of the cash looted from the taxpayer with fraudulent expenses claims. The staff at GCHQ who lost 35 laptop computers at great cost to the taxpayer and the security of the nation. Baroness Uddin, a Labour expenses swindler, who will be allowed to steal thousands of pounds from the taxpayer thanks to laxly drafted rules. Also Lords Brooke, Rosser, Paul, Sheldon, Bhatia, Clarke & Taylor, Baronesses Neuberger & Goudie, and Viscount Falkland. The entire Labour party, which is on the take from top to bottom, apparently. Especially ex-ministers A. Ingram and R. Caborn, who are for sale to anyone wanting lobbying done or insider information obtained. The bin is ready & Mandelson page top Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression. Sole © RAL, March 2010.