The US government has told NASA to come up with a plan, before 2029, for deflecting the Asteroid Apophis (a name well known to fans of Stargate SG-1) if it seems likely to hit the Earth during the close approach on 2036/04/13. The chances of this happening are calculated at 1 in 6,250 if no one does anything.
New moons named
British estate agents Sue & Francis Williams claim to have made £4 million from selling plots on the Moon, Mars and other planets to mugs. They bought their franchise from Dennis Hope, an American who staked a claim to every planet in the solar system in 1980. Mr. Hope filed his claims with the United Nations and the US government, using the 1967 Outer Space Treaty as his authority. The treaty states that no government or country can own land in outer space, but it says nothing about individuals staking claims.
This month's "No shit, Sherlock!" Award
ADVERTISEMENT for IDIOTS
International Treaties have ruled that no country may claim parts of the Solar System but claims by individual citizens WERE NEVER EXCLUDED!!! Romiley Literary Circle has some EXCITING offers in this area!
Buy your own bit of the Moon for less than a fiver!
Alternatively, there has NEVER been a better time to own your personal piece of off-planet property. CLICK HERE to see what's on offer.
Or Name Your Own Star!
The man behind Starsky & Hutch, Charlie's Angels, Dynasty and a host of other hit TV series has died at 83. He wrote over 3,000 episodes of TV dramas and produced more than 140 TV movies. His aim was always to please hundreds of millions of viewers rather than the critics, and he achieved it time and time again. Having become one of America's richest and most powerful men, he also claimed a place in the Guinness Book of Records as the world's most prolific TV producer.
ointly to the dotty old judge who ruled that arresting a British Moslem, who tried to fly from Manchester to Iraq to kill British troops, violated his new labour human right to self-defence.
ointly to Derby Council, which sent pensioner Josephine Rooney to gaol when she refused to pay her Council Tax because the council was failing to honour its obligation to keep her street clean, a service which is included in those bought via the Council Tax.
Referees have been told to flash yellow cards at time wasters to keep matches flowing. Lunging, elbowing and holding are also at the top of the list of instant yellow card offences, but the ref has to be 'convinced' that a player has dived before he books him, so good actors will get away with it, as usual.
orld Cup no-show charles clark. If he's no longer Home Sec., his freebie trip to Germany is off.
ejoice! The Boy Wayne is okay for the World Cup. An entire nation breathes a sigh of relief. [Well, the odd few who give a rat's ass. Ed.]
Euro-hypocrisy in full flight
Sponsorship fascists debag Dutch
FIFA boss Sepp Blatter is looking a cert to win the Twat of the Tournament award for telling referees to get tough with malicious & childish behaviour, then moaning when they obeyed his orders.
. Grosso of Italy is an early leader for the Cheat of the Tournament award for his swindle in the Italy v Australia second round match. He threw himself over a prostrate L. Neill in the penalty area, and the dozy ref bought his blatant dive and gave Italy a match-winning penalty in time added on.
The Church of England is trying to recruit new members by a sneaky route. It is setting up big TV screens in its establishments and showing the World Cup, hoping that fans will feel obliged to go to the odd service in return and suddenly find that the Church fills a gap in an otherwise spiritually barren existence.
Romiley is receiving a further supply of fizzy water from United Utilities during the hot spell. It's somewhat disconcerting, for those not expecting it, to find the cold tap filling a drinking glass with a faintly milky liquid, but the fizz soon disperses and it seems to be harmless.
The man who stole your pension is currently in hiding,
p.s. 52% of the people of Britain think it's wrong for an MP from a Scottish constituency to become prime minister if Scotland has its own parliament.
p.p.s. English people do know the difference between a genuine football fan and a Scottish politician lying in pursuit of English votes.
ig banks are notorious for swindling their customers via stealth and hidden charges. Now, councils and utility companies have found a way of sticking it to the banks. Local authorities have classified 'stand alone' cashpoint machines as business premises and they are sending the bank which operates the ATM a business rates bill of £2-3,000 per year.
World Cup blight for shops
he Metropolitan police are going to have to cough up £500,000 to repair the house which they trashed while looking for imaginary WoMD. The inmates want about the same for bruised feelings and the odd bullet wound.
Typical new labour economics
Initiative in the field
Congestion charging for trains
Last Few Left!
NOTE: the pictures are not to scale.
The world's funniest joke . . .
It was performed in a 1951 episode of the television edition of The Goon Show. The scene: an ordinary house. Those present: Michael Bentine & Peter Sellers.
M.B. "I just came in and found him lying on the carpet there."
The government has come up with an official, thief-resistant vehicle number plate, which will resist attempts to remove it for at least 3 minutes, and which can be removed from a vehicle only in a thoroughly wrecked condition.
The Scrounger is at it again
mug Bugger has tacked on chats with Mr. Prodi, the temporary Italian prime minister, and the Pope to the end of his freebie holiday in Italia. Why? To make his freebie holiday look like a business trip so that he can stick the British taxpayer with the cost of flying him and his tribe home.
Latest news possession of drugs is a criminal offence!
"It's all a matter of spin & delivery, actually."
Home Sec. loses marbles
sir ian blair on the way out
Get out of that!
Attention all smugglers!
Bike thieves beware!
Licence to steal for motorbike thieves
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
As a public service, Jenson Farrago is offering access to his collection of bogus lottery, phishing and other email spam.
ay now means totally crap, according to inventive young things below the age of 30. Which implies that "What a gay day!" means it's pissing down. Which leaves us wondering what a 'lesbian day' is like about the same? Worse? Or what?
t is claimed that the 2 blokes, who were arrested by 300 coppers in Forest Hill for possession of non-existent Weapons of Mass Destruction, became 'radicalized' Islamofascists after the terrorist attacks on the United States on 2001/09/11. Why?
The storm troopers running Bayards Hill primary school in Oxford decided it would be a good idea to search the inmates' lunchboxes for junk foods. Crisps, chocolate and similar snacks were confiscated until the end of the day. No attempt was made to offer substitutes for the removed contraband items, leaving the kids to go hungry but healthy. Unless they sneaked into the school cantina, where pizza and crisps were on the lunch menu.
ugary soft drinks, such as Coca-Cola and Pepsi-Cola, are on the hit list of the American Medical Association, which wants a 'fat tax' imposed on them. Top of the hit list is the high-fructose corn syrup sweetener, which is loaded into other high-calorie products, such as ketchup. The AMA sees the tax as a means of paying for a massive public health education programme to tackle the problem of their nation's obesity epidemic.
brand of 'clever' milk, which claims that it helps kids to concentrate and makes them smarter, has been booted into touch by the Advertising Standards Authority, which ruled that the claims for the milk are unsubstantiated.
Ugly isn't excluded
enior officers of the Metropolitan Police have been told to stop leaking a flood of embarrassing information about their leader's blunders and start offering him a truly new labour level of toadying support. And if they don't shape up, sir ian blair (no relation) plans to ship them out of New Scotland Yard to somewhere grim, probably 'Up North'.
"No bugger's listening, mate!"
Bugs on the rampage
an't buy a house in Britain? It's all new labour's fault. This crappy government's unrestricted immigration policy is to blame for 70% of the shortfall of 260,000 homes.
aboons in wildlife parks have switched from collecting windscreen wipers to grabbing England flags from cars. The proprietors of Knowsley safari park are having to warn visitors to remover their flags before entering if they don't want to lose them.
imbabwe (inflation rate 1043%) has issued a Z$100,000 note, which is worth all of 50p in real money. It will buy a loaf of state-subsidized bread and a copy of the state propaganda sheet, which tells the customer what a great job President Mug (the man who stole their pensions and everything else available) is doing.
Welcome to KGB Country
The French are still having it off
No foreigners needed, thank you!
Communism is definitely crap official
You can take it with you when you go!
he BAFF, a trade union for the military services, was made necessary by the failure of the high command of the army, navy and air force to stand up to new labour politicians and their bogus human rights agenda. Their lack of support for the people in their charge has left the PBI, and officers up to the rank of colonel, caught up in political messes and beset by greedy human rights lawyers. The BAFF is seen as necessary protection for the people at the sharp end from floppy brass and woolly minded politicians.
The 'Godfather of Terrorism' in Iraq has been wiped out by American bombs at the age of 38. Born in Jordan, he became a petty criminal who used religion as his excuse for his criminality. He trained in terrorist camps in Afghanistan, he spent 7 years in gaol for terrorist crimes and then he turned his attention on Iraq.
One of the writers who created Z Cars has died at 84. Alan Prior established himself as an author after service in the RAF during World War 2. As well as novels, he wrote for BBC radio, BBC TV and ITV. He helped to turn the focus of television cops shows in Britain away from Scotland Yard and direct it Up North. Much of his writing was in the field of crime & thrillers, but his credits include being the co-deviser of Howard's Way, a 1980s attempt by the BBC to create a super-soap.
Torbay's looney landscape officers have decided that the resort's distinctive palm trees constitute a threat to life and limb. They are worried in case the sharp leaves slash visitors to ribbons and leave the streets gushing with blood.
Fun & games in Newcastle
You couldn't make this up!
"No Time For Crime" coppers
Biting the bum of the bloke who sacked him
ear 2 shags,
he police and MI5 are now deeply into "Not me, gov!" mode over the raid by 300 coppers on a house in Forest Green, E. London. The outcome was one bloke arrested intact, another busted slightly shot, all sorts of silly stories flying around and no signs of Weapons of Mass Destruction at all in the house. The estimated bill for the fiasco is already £1 million and rising.
Political persecutions collapse
|Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression.|
Sole © RAL, June 2006. Free web counters are available from www.digits.com