Black Flag News
BFN email address
2005/November
   FINAL
Previous MonthNext Month

Romiley News
ROMILEY NEWS
Can we mention the 'X-word?
Dare we mention it?

a safe Xmas treeStockport council's ruling Triv-Dems have come up with an interesting solution to the vexing Xmas issue – ban it, ignore it or do it? They have issued Romiley village with an Xmas tree in a protective sock.
   The thinking behind this compromise is that anyone who moans about a lack of Xmas cheer can be reminded that Romiley does have a tree, and anyone who is upset by the very mention of Xmas can be reminded that the tree has not been deployed to avoid distressing people like them.

CLICK HERE for a bigger picture of the safe Xmas tree.

slice11Recycling? Cheek more like!
The Royal Mail is getting rid of its unsold 2004 Xmas aerogrammes by sending them to Romiley's post office instead of letting us have any of the 2005 issue.

slice00Something seems to have gone seriously wrong with the weather
Residents of Romiley enjoyed blue-sky days while Scotland, Northern Ireland, Wales & the West Country were paralyzed by blizzards, and when things clouded over and we had a little mild drizzle, all that did was stop the heat leaking away at night and preserve us from hard frosts and skating-rink pavements. We are now waiting for some son-of-a-bitch to try to grab the credit for this spell of temporarily clement weather.
UpdateAfter an okay last weekend of the month, the snow arrived on Monday. Maybe a couple of inches, but it was largely cosmetic as the weather wasn't all that cold (there was liquid water around) and it didn't stick too well.

Criminal News
CRIMINAL NEWS
No Way To Win!

slice00Prisons are facing a real headache over smoking. The law defines a cell as equivalent to a private home, so the government can't ban smoking in them. But if it doesn't ban smoking in prisons, then it will face compensation claims from non-smoking prisoners and screws, who feel that their health has been damaged by passive smoking.

slice04Monkeys on a string?
At least 50% of the chief constables in England and Wales are eager to distribute new labour propaganda and pretend it was their idea. Why? Because the number of police forces is to be cut from 43 down to a number between 42 and 12. So up to 31 of them are for the chop, and that's why they've turned into a bunch of Quislings.
   p.s. Some of them are also in new labour's pocket of their own volition. ian blair no relation springs to mind immediately.

slice05From Burglars' Friend to Muggers' Best Mate
Former Lord Chief Justice Woolf didn't believe in locking up burglars but he was tough on teenage street thieves. His successor, Lord Phillips, wants to change all that. He would like to keep cash machine muggers and mobile phone bandits of 17 and younger out on the streets.
   Why he wants to do it remains a mystery. Unless new labour is planning to reduce the voting age to 16 and this is a bid for the votes of another minority – young criminals.

a proper charlieHas the drug trade bunged new labour?

home sec. charlie clark is keen to let dealers stroll around with their pockets crammed with pot, heroin, coke, speed, horse tranquillizers and anything else they think they can flog. And if stopped by the police, the dealers will be able to claim, thanks to new boundaries in new labour leniency, that the stuff is purely for personal use.
   This new piece of new labour policy was buried under the release of the Turner Report on pensions, so something highly dodgy has to be going on. Unless charlie was out of his skull on acid when he came up with his Big New Idea!

slice06Police cut out the middle man & become their own customers!
The Avon & Somerset police service has been obliged to arrest itself for operating a blatantly racialist recruitment policy. According to the apologist for the policy, "The community wants its police force to look like the community." The A&S police service's response to this alleged aspiration has been to discriminate illegally against white, male candidates for job of police constable.

DEPARTURES

Geoffrey Keen

The character actor who became the archetypal man-in-charge and authority figure has died at 89. Mr. Keen's career on the stage and in films and TV series began after his service in World War II. He established himself as the ideal candidate for the role of either the managing director of a business or a gangster, and he played 'M', the head of the SIS, in half a dozen Bond films.

DEPARTURES

Pat Simmons

The owner of one of the most recognizable voices in Britain has died at 85. After winning a selection process involving 9,000 candidates, she became the GPO's second voice of the speaking clock from 1963 to 1984. She was replaced by the male voice of Brian Cobby (whose voice can still be heard) when BT was launched as a public limited company.

DEPARTURES

Lord Lichfield

The 5th earl of Lichfield, who switched from the Guards to a highly successful career as a photographer, has died at 66. He had the connections to photograph everyone from pop stars and 'celebs of the day' to royalty, and he had the talent to achieve success both as a snapper and as a businessman, proving that being posh doesn't automatically turn you brain-dead.

DEPARTURES

Eddie Guerrero

The Mexican wrestler/sports entertainment star who was styled as Latino Heat has died at 38. A member of Mexico’s 'first family' of professional wrestlers, he worked in Japan as well as Mexico before joining ECW in the United States. He moved on to WCW and then to the WWF (later WWE) shortly before the McMahon family empire swallowed up its rival.
   Eddie was most at home playing a rogue who liked to 'lie, cheat & steal' his way to wrestling 'victories', but the WWE's scriptwriters had a tendency to turn him into Latino Creep. He was attempting to rehabilitate his character after a particularly malicious and poisonous phase inflicted on him by the scriptwriters when the Grim Reaper claimed him.

DEPARTURES

George Best

One of the best footballers of his generation has died at 59. Eleven years with Manchester United, 37 caps for internationals with the Northern Ireland team and an award of European Footballer of the Year, Best had a footballing talent which was matched only by his capacity for self-destruction via boozing. A liver transplant 3 years ago gave him a second chance, but 'the man who could never say no' was unable to take it.

DEPARTURES

Tony Meehan

The Shadows' first drummer has died at 62 after an accident at his home. Tony Meehan joined the music scene in his early teens and he was 16 when the joined the Drifters, Cliff Richards' backing band, who became the Shadows after objections from the American band with the same name. After 3 years and hits such as Apache, FBI and Man of Mystery, he left to form his own bands and work as a session drummer, composer and record producer. His partnership with ex-Shadow Jet Harris produced the hits Diamonds and Scarlett O'Hara, which were produced by Tony Meehan.

SPACE NEWS
NASA admits defeat over ISS

Romiley Space AuthorityThe biggest casualty of George W. Bush's "War on Ter'r" is the International Space Station. NASA is being squeezed and it has abandoned all pretence of doing research on the ISS by announcing a budget cut of $350 million.
   The ISS is supposed to have a crew of 7 but only 2 guys are aboard these days and from now on, they will just continue to do purposeless (if the ISS is never to be used for its prime purpose) routine maintenance, take pictures through the windows and enjoy the doubtful pleasures of a 6-month holiday in zero-gee.
   And every so often, just for a change, they'll get to play host for a week for any space tourists who can afford to pay $20 million to the Russians for a round trip to and from orbit.

new labour emblem
Oh, God! What have they done now?

 

 
slice00Citizenship, new labour style
New British citizens must be boozers. Why else would the citizenship exam include the requirement to know what to do if one knocks over another person's pint in a pub? They must also be gamblers who know the minimum age for buying a national lottery ticket. They also must know how long they have to be married before they can get a divorce and become a new labour preferred single parent.
   Welcome to bliar's britain!
   p.s. PG is a brand of tea. Any fule know that!

slice01new labour's big idea of a ban on drinking on public transport seems to have sunk back into the drink-sodden fog from which it emerged.

cowboyCowboy country extended

The government is so keen to get its homebuyer guide scheme up and collapsing by 2007 that it plans to put home owners at the mercy of cowboy home inspectors, who will have had no more than 18 months of part-time training.
   A proper chartered surveyor needs at least 5 years' training before going professional, but that small consideration hasn't worried deputy prime minister john prescott any. Worse, if the cowboys make a bog of things, dpm johnnie is quite happy to let the taxpayer pick up the compensation bills sent in by outraged buyers.

caff o'chavNew Downing Street appointment

Prime monster antonio b. liar is pleased to announce the addition of Ms caff o'chav to the Downing Street back room squad. Her job will be to ensure that ministers, civil servants and all who speak for new labour stay on message. She will also be responsible for keeping the meeja in line.
   Mr. liar is becoming increasingly impatient with the failure of print, television and on-line media to take his word for things. He has been increasingly irritated by a tendency to ignore his calls for people to draw a line in the sand and move on. Ms. o'chav is said to have a rumbustious personality and a talent for 'kicking the crap' out of people who upset her boss.

slice04Another fine mess in the making
new labour plans to set in motion a 10-year campaign, costing hundreds of millions of pounds, to prosecute British soldiers for their part in operations which resulted in the deaths of Irish terrorists. Meanwhile, Irish terrorists who are still on the run for multiple murders and/or bombings will all be given free pardons.
   Welcome to antonio b. liar's britain!

slice05Department of Double Standards
The home office has confirmed that it's okay for the police to lobby MPs in support of new labour policy but it's not okay for probation officers to talk to MPs if they don't agree with the government's current piece of spin.

slice06Burial Detail
scotch gordon is planning to bury the bad news in the Pre-Budget Report (black holes in his accounts, sums wrong, fantasy forecasts, etc.) under the announcement of the result of the Tory leadership contest on December 6th.

slice07"Let us in; or else!"
Council Tax revaluation inspectors sent out by the office of the deputy prime minister are to be given the right to enter houses, question the occupants about the dwelling, take photographs of anything they like, count the bedrooms and check the bathroom for gold taps.
   Worse, home owners will be ordered to stay at home on the day of the inspection to make sure that there is someone in when the inspectors call.
   Even worse, no one will be compensated for lost wages and the time and inconvenience of the inspection process.

slice08"She must be lying; she's got her mouth open.!"
In the preamble to the commons vote which ensured 24-hour drinking for bliar's britain, new labour was unable to resist anticipating this great cultural change with a big lie. Chief constables everywhere have warned culture sec. tessa jowell that their forces will be stretched to breaking point by the greater scope for binge drinking. But tessa just had to tell everyone that really, secretly, all chief constable back 24-hour boozing.

slice09Passports now an even bigger swindle
After putting the price of a passport up by a monster 27% two years ago, new labour has decided to milk its customers for a 21% rise on December 1st. The bad news for anyone paying out £51 for the latest version of the passport is that it's NOT biometric. So customers face having to stump up a further £93 when biometrics come in next year.

slice10Freedom of Information – except for the lies & dodgy deals
lord goldsmith, the devalued new labour attorney general, is threatening to use the Official Secrets Act as a blunt instrument against anyone who publishes a leaked government report, which includes a transcript of a conversation between Mr. Liar and Pres Bush in April 2004. new labour would prefer its customers not to know that they discussed Bush's idea of bombing Al Jaziera, the Arab TV station and Al Qaida propaganda outlet.
   Meanwhile, everyone in the real world is taking Bush's remarks as seriously as Pres Reagan's solution to the Evil Empire in the 1980s, namely bombing it to bits.

loadsa goldBrown makes a balls of gold

By selling off half of the country's gold reserve between 1999 and 2002 to prop up the euro, scotch gordon has cost the country £1,400,000,000.
   His misguided meddling meant that gordon got an average of $275 per ounce for the gold that he sold. The current price is around $500 per ounce.

slice10Stealth Tax Warning! There's a Nuclear Tax on the way
Each British family will have to pay £150 per annum forever to pay for construction of antonio b. liar's new generation of nuclear power stations and processing the waste from them. And there will be a further Nuclear Power Station Decommissioning Tax to come in 20 years' time.

HEALTH NEWS

A cure for bird flu?

X-ray machine

slice00Sauerkraut is being offered as a cure for bird flu. The German national dish contains the same lactic acid bacteria as kimchi, a spicy South Korean cabbage dish, which helped 11 of 13 infected chickens to combat bird flu in a small-scale trial.

slice01Dead Parrot Innocent!
The South American parrot accused of bringing bird flu to a quarantine centre in Essex has been cleared of all blame. DEFRA officials have admitted mixing test samples from the parrot in with samples from finches from Taiwan, the real bird flu carriers, and getting things hopelessly wrong.

slice02Decaf & Die!
Your BFN reporter was unable to suppress an outburst of indecent glee on reading that decaffeinated coffee is bad for the heart because it encourages 'bad' cholesterol. The thought of all those self-righteous decaf nerds croaking sure brings a smile to a cynic's face!

beer pouringBoozing is okay in moderation – Official!

A study in Pittsburgh has found that non-drinking elderly people suffer faster mental decline that those who indulge in 'mild to moderate' drinking. Other studies have found that drinking alcohol, particularly red wine, can be good for the heart but health professionals are still saying that 24-hour binge-drinking, as advocated by new labour, is a bad idea.

slice04Attention anyone who hasn't had their flu jab yet . . .
. . . forget it! Doctors have been giving it to the wrong people – "wasting it on the worried well" – and the department of health has more or less run out of the stuff.

slice05Doctors challenge Department of Health lies
health sec. praticia hewitt is in trouble for trying to blame doctors for the flu vaccine shortage created by her department's incompetence. The BMA has rejected her claims that too many doses have been going to the 'worried well'. The problem arose because the department of health bought this year's supply of vaccine on the basis of out-of-date figures for the numbers of people at risk.
   p.s. £8 flu jabs are readily available in the private medicine sector for about £20.

slice06Drink Me & Die!
The French are a nation of alcoholics – it's official. And as a result, their government is planning to force wine producers to put health warnings on their bottles similar to those on cigarette packets.

slice07Attention smokers, fatties, drug addicts, alcoholics, etc.
The NHS wants to restrict the service available to people with 'self-inflicted illnesses'. Such people will get drugs, care, etc. only if there is something left over after all the nice people have been treated.

slice08Fat bottoms a medical hazard
Injections into the bum are designed to store a dose of a drug in muscle fibres, which have a good blood supply and can supply the drug to the body effectively. But today's Fat Culture means that the contents of the hypodermic are likely to tend up trapped and useless in fat, which doesn't have a brilliant blood supply.

NUISANCE NEWS

Joined-up thinking NOT involved

slice00There is supposed to be a ban on letting off fireworks after 11 p.m. other than on Bonfire Night. It would be interesting to hear how new labour imagined the ban would be enforced, especially if the police take up to 2 days to respond to a 999 emergency call. Logic dictates that the offenders and the evidence will be long gone by then, and the whole thing smacks of another of antonio b. liar's gimmicks when you think about it.

Night Flowers by Philip H. TurnerEarly Autumn Offer

BlackFlag News is pleased to announce that this ground-breaking work by one of Romiley's most distinguished authors can now be read on-line.

   Read the Book on the Romiley Literary Circle website
   Read about the Book and the author's other works on the Romiley Literary Circle website

Category : The future of recycling in a violent & lawless society.

Home News
HOME NEWS
"Fork handles were carried to the altar . . ."

slice00The above quote comes from a report on the service for the victims of the July 7th bombers; PM, Radio 4, 2005/11/01
The spirit of Ronnie Barker lives on!

clownThe X-word that must not be spoken

Anyone going to the People's Republic of Lambeth in London is warned that they won't be doing Xmas lights this year. The street lights are officially 'Winter Lights' so that followers of other religions will not be driven into a bomb-hurling rage by having to deal with the X-word.

slice01Down the drain
Farmers in Warwickshire are pouring their milk away in protest at being squeezed by the big supermarkets. They are paid 17p/litre for a product which Somerfield in Romiley sells for 38p/pint (66.5p/litre), so the farmers have a point.
UpdateThe price of milk in Romiley's Somerfield supermarket has gone down to 34p. Which means that the author of this piece was swindled out of 4p the last time he bought milk there!
   p.s. The milk price has gone down to 32p again, which makes the rip-off even more disgraceful.

slice02November marks the start of the fox-hunting season. What's that? You thought it had been banned? That's another new labour illusion shattered!

slice03Almost world-beatingly bad
Heathrow is the world's second-worst airport, according to a survey of American travellers. It's overcrowded, people have to walk to far to get to the planes, it's hard to find your way about with 4 terminals, it's dirty and flights are usually late. Only JFK airport near New York is worse.

slice05Another freebie for mr. liar
antonio b. liar's downing street offices have receive an unexpected coal delivery courtesy of Greenpeace as a protest about the failure of bliar's britain to cut carbon dioxide emissions. Members of the pressure group unloaded several tons of coal from a tipper lorry at a back entrance while bemused police officers looked on; but the police drew the line at a second, larger delivery targetted on the main gates. No arrests were made.

slice06Falls Over In Amazement!
Reading has the worst pavements in England, according to the Chartered Society of Physiotherapy. Clearly, their judges didn't go to Manchester.

WARNING

 • Bird Flu will kill 99.999% of the population over the next week.
 • Vaccination will provide NO protection.
 • Only people who visited the BlackFlag News website this month will be spared
   (unless they have anything to do new labour or they voted for new labour).
 • Have a nice day!

CONSUMER NEWS

Rip-off warning

slice00Ye Olde Oak ham contains 37% water, which makes the meat content a hell of a lot more expensive than the price per tin would suggest. And most other types of ham, sold in tins or as slices in supermarkets, contain at least 20% of water.

world news
WORLD NEWS
Hindus lack Xmas spirit

slice11A Hindu organization is objecting to one of the Royal Mail's Xmas stamps, which carries an image taken from a 17th Century painting. The original work is to be found in a Bombay gallery and it shows an Indianized version of a European painting called 'The Holy Family with St. Anne and the Two Angels'. The objectors are citing the need for political correctness in the 21st century as their main reason for wanting the stamp withdrawn.
   Sorting them out sounds like a good first task for caff o'chav!

slice10Excuse revved up and ready to go!
When the price of fruit juice goes through the roof in the next few weeks, the rip-off will be blamed on all the hurricanes which have been assaulting the Caribbean and the southern United States recently.

black jetsTerror tactics in Gaza
Having evicted their illegal settlers from the Gaza Strip, the Israelis now feel free to persecute the Palestinians living there with sonic booms. Their fighters are flying over the region at supersonic speed and low altitude every 1-2 hours during the night, causing physical and psychological damage to the people as well as shattering windows and cracking the walls of buildings.
   [It's the sort of tactic which makes suicide bombings seem almost humane in comparison. Ed.]

slice08'E' for Effort or 'S' for Stupidity?
The attempt by a bunch of Somali pirates to hijack the cruise liner Seabourn Spirit looks like a triumph of ambition over competence. After all, how could a bunch of idiots in a couple of small boats expect to get aboard a ship of that size? Especially at sea!

slice07Rioters beware as the French get tough!
The French government is to bring back the guillotine to tackle the plague of rioters. In the spirit of the Revolution in the 1790s, the French have decided that decapitating all people arrested in the course of rioting, arson, theft and assaults on the police is the only way to confront the problem. "We will run out of rioters long before we run out of replacement blades for Madame Guillotine," a spokesperson for the French Homeland Security Ministry commented.

slice06The French Way trumps the Third Way
antonio b. liar is reported to have turned bright green with envy on hearing how the French intend to deal with their rioters. No locking them up for 90 days. Any migrants, legal or illegal, will be deported forthwith! Cities will be allowed to impose curfews to stop trouble-makers from moving around. The French Home Sec. will get powers to put people under house arrest to spare overcrowded prisons further strain, confiscate weapons, ban meetings and order searches of anywhere without a search warrant. UpdateOne law for the scroungers . .

The EU wants to give cash to France to help them clear up after their rioters trashed their major cities – £670 million, in fact. But there's no mention of a similar solidarity payment to the Brits to pay for the damage caused by the July bombers.

slice05Dish of the Month in France – voiture flambé.

slice04Too loud! Too loud!
Italian Formula One Grand Prixs at Monza could be history following complaints about the noise from the nearby town of Biassono. A judge has ruled that cars using the circuit must be fitted with silencers to reduce noise pollution.

slice03Free for all
A town in Texas has chosen to rename itself from Clark to Dish. The rebranding was driven by an offer from a telecommunications firm to give every household ten years' free basic satellite TV programmes and the equipment to receive them. The deal isn't costing the company too much as the population of Dish is just 125.

slice02Gong for Arthur C. Clarke
The science fiction writer and communications-satellite inventor is to receive Sri Lanka's highest civilian award for his contributions to science and being a 'distinguished resident guest in Sri Lanka'. Mr. Clarke took up residence in the country in 1956, he set up a science academy and he used to give lectures and run seminars for Sri Lanka's astronomers in his younger days.

glass of beerVorsprung durch Boozing
A German firm has combined smoking and drinking while eliminating the inconvenience to the nicotine-consumer's neighbours.
   They have brewed up a beer containing 6.3% alcohol and also 3 mg of nicotine per 250 ml can – the equivalent of 6 cigarettes. It's also fairly low calorie to aid slimmers who are trying to give up smoking.

slice01Conjugal rights in Italy
An Italian court has ruled that a husband is entitled to solo nights out, and even holidays away from his wife, without being in breach of his matrimonial responsibilities.

slice00"Don't as me, mate!"
The prime minister of Thailand has come up with an interesting excuse for not answering questions from nosy journalists for the rest of the year. Mercury is messing up his horoscope and he feels a period of silence is called for.

slice11The curious case of the disappearing sports entertainer
World Wrestling Entertainment invented the character Mohammed Hassan, an Arab-American who used to moan about being treated like a 5th class citizen in his homeland. But he just disappeared a while ago. Now, the truth about his fate can be revealed.
   Americans seemed quite content to boo Hassan at every appearance and not take him seriously but sensitive souls in Britain complained to Sky, which distributes WWE products to Britain, after the July 7th bombings. And so the poor bloke's WWE contract has been cancelled.

EUROMEDDLER NEWS
New opportunities for Euro-swindlers

The Triple Cross, the EU flagDesperate to do something during Britain's presidency of the EU, new labour has hit on a 'pollution-damage limitation tax' for low-cost flights.
   In theory, the tax will be used to pay for carbon-reduction schemes 'elsewhere in the world'. In practice, the extra cash will just disappear into the vast, unregulated swamp of the EU's finances to pay for junkets for the usual suspects and to be stolen by the usual spivs.
UpdateGuess what? The EU's auditors have refuse to approve its accounts because of fraud and mismanagement. But as it is the 11th year in a row that this has happened, no one can pretend to be surprised.
   For the benefit of anyone who's wondering why our hotshot chancellor is just handing over cash to the EU and not demanding to know what it's being spent on – scotch gordon still thinks the UK's public sector pension deficit is £460 billion; when it is really £817 billion according to the Institute of Economic Affairs; which proves just how good gordon is at doing his sums!

The Triple Cross, the EU flagCrimes in the name of Harmony

The Euromeddlers want Britain's merchant fleet to replace the traditional Red Ensign with a Euroflag. So we can expect to see the old Triple Cross fluttering at the back of British-registered ships if the harmonizers get their way.

NOTICE

No while visiting this website
SMOKING
IS PERMITTED.

Note: This sign will be unscrambled when the government sorts out its dog's breakfast of a policy on smoking in public places.

bliar news
What does he have to sweat about this month?

Antonio B. Liarslice10blunk! Again!
"Democracy has been around for 2,000 years but it has yet to reach the parliamentary labour party. Votes are divisive so we don't have a vote. The role of back-benchers is to be supine."
   paul flynn, labour MP for Newport

slice09Grasping
Mr. b. liar has yet to come up with an explanation that anyone will believe for why the Italian PM, Mr. Berlusconi, has given Mr. liar and his wife 18 very expensive watches over the last 4 years.

slice08Maladministration
new labour has decided that migrants, visa over-stayers and bogus asylum seekers who were paid too much under scotch gordon's shambles of a tax credit system can keep the cash. But any British citizens who got too much will have to repay every penny without delay.

slice07False Memory Syndrome?
When you get old, it's usually your short-term memory that starts to fail. But the reverse seems to be true for antonio b. liar. He can't remember the 1990s, when the Tories were in power and he kept voting against anti-terrorism legislation aimed at the IRA.

slice09Gut-check result – he's got none!

He talked tough and threatened to use military force to sort out Iran, but he suddenly went very quiet when Iran invited him to, "Start something if you think you're hard enough!"

Scotch GordonThat defeat in the Commons – there's more than enough blame to go around

"It was as big a defeat for gordon, who came swaggering back from his junket in the Middle East to let everyone know that 'gordon's back and everything will be okay'. Except that it wasn't and he has as much egg on his face as the prime monster."

slice06"90 days might be right but people couldn't get past not believing the messenger. So the quality of the message was never tested."

slice05Smoke screen warning
All the whingeing over Sir Christopher Meyer's memoirs about his time at Downing Street has to be a diversion from the government's manifold problems. After all, the diaries went through the standard vetting procedures months ago, long before publication, and the time to object was then, not now.

slice04The month's BIG challenge . . .
. . . has got to be explaining to people in the private sector, whose pension and savings have been robbed blind by Stealth Taxes, why they have to retire at 67 when better-paid public-sector staff get to retire at 60 on an inflation-proof pension.

slice03Letting Irish terrorists still on the run get away with murder, bombings, drug dealing, extortion and all the other stuff they have pulled over the last 30 years as a result of a secret amnesty deal made with the IRA in 2001.

The prime minister has
LOST
his authority. It was last seen on the afternoon of 9th November, 2005. antonio b. liar is willing to offer a
REWARD
for its return in the form of a sickly grin and a limp handshake.
in re the prime minister's
LOST
authority; scotch gordon would like the finder to hand it over to him for safe-keeping. Anyone who does so will receive a substantial
REWARD
which will be recovered, and much more, via further Stealth Taxes.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Crooks In Action

As a public service, Jenson Farrago is offering access to his collection of bogus lottery, phishing and other email spam. CLICK HERE to find out what miracles they offer.

blunk's ROLLER COASTER

The wheels come off yet again

clownIf wriggling in defence of the indefensible were made an Olympic sport, then prime ministerial favourite dave blunkett would be a gold medal certainty in China. His antics over the shares which he bought in a company trying to win a contract with the ministry of work & pensions – blunk's own fief – prove that he is the archetypal bliarite minister.
   He's greedy (he was counting on the shares turning £15K into £300K), shameless, arrogant and, ultimately, he's a victim because everyone else is conspiring to ruin his life by exposing his lies and hypocrisy.
   Welcome to antonio b. liar's britain!
Updateblunk's third strike
Something he neglected to mention to his leader while mr. b. liar was composing his ringing endorsement of his Work & Pensions Sec. was that old blunk had also ignored the rules over taking a £20K job as an advisor to a Jewish charity, which wants £48 million of taxpayers' cash to build schools for the exclusive use of Jewish kids.
UpdateThe next step?
Following his 2nd dismissal from the cabinet in a year, blunk's big idea for a political reincarnation is to change his name to peter blunkelson and get a job as an EU commissioner.
Updateblunk's shares in DNA Bioscience? He's not going to sell them.
Updateantonio b. liar has issued a personal edict granting overstayer dave blunk indefinite leave to remain in the official residence of the home sec. even though he's been sacked from the cabinet twice and he had plenty of homes of his own to go to.
meanwhile
 • blunk used his resignation press conference to admit he'd ignored the rules still more by neglecting to declare even more of his 'earnings' at the proper time.
 • blunk has copped for £37,000 in tax-free severance pay for being sacked twice within one year.
 • blunk failed to leave the Home Sec.'s official residence after his last sacking and he intends to stay put for a further 3 months following his latest sacking. [But see above. Ed.]
 • The downing street press department leaked the news of blunk's sacking before he got round to admitting it to an eager world to leave him no choice in the matter.
 • Publication of a report by Her Majesty's Inspectorate of Constabulary criticizing half the police forces in England & Wales for taking up to 2 days to send anyone in response to a 999 call was rushed forward by the Home Office to be buried under the blunk sacking.
 • Last word? If blunk wasn't guilty of impropriety, as antonio b. liar insists, why was he sacked?

This Month's Garbage

The Garbage  Dave Blunkett. – "If someone as shifty and as crooked as antonio b. liar feels obliged to offer a ringing endorsement of his qualities as a politician and a human being, that tells us all we need to know about blunkett."

 antonio b. liar's assertion that a minister can leave office without a stain on his character after he has been forced to resign in disgrace – twice – for driving a coach & horses through the ministerial code of conduct.

 The notion that foxhunting has been banned.

 The notion that going to war in Iraq in 2003 hasn't fuelled terrorism in Britain.

 'Teflon' Tony.

 ID cards, according to Mrs. Rimmington, the former boss of MI5.

 "If the police arrest more drunks and yobs after November 21st, that will prove the police are using their powers properly, not that 24-hour drinking has created more scope for drunkenness and yobbery." [A piece of new labour spin.]

 The Christmas Crazies who want to ban it or call it something else.

 Teignmouth District Council, which spent £3,000 and 3 years looking for homosexualists, intending to give them preferential treatment, but failed to find any.

 Councils in South-West England which let kids be trapped in schools by blizzards and then complained that the Met Office hadn't warned them about the snow when the Met Office had been doing nothing but issue scare stories for the best part of a week.

No. 10 Certificate of EndorsementThis edition of BlackFlag News was compiled in accordance with official 10 Downing Street guidelines on accuracy and veracity.

 
Previous MonthNext Month
 

 back to topCreated for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression.
Sole © RAL, November 2005.    Free web counters are available from www.digits.com