Warning: Under new labour's Suppression of Information Act 2005, reading this item could leave you liable to assault by new labour's storm troopers.
new labour is so afraid of its membership that it packed the conference hall with wall-to wall thugs. Their job was to pounce upon anyone who dares to raise a note of dissent when one of new labour's stars was delivering his/her load of lies.
The star of the Sixties TV series Get Smart has died at the age of 82. As Agent Maxwell Smart of the US intelligence agency Control, he played a bungler who always managed to get the job done more by accident than design. He was assisted by the gorgeous Agent 99 (played by Barbara Feldon), who had more than enough brains for the pair of them, in his battles with Kaos, an international gang of bad guys. This series was the high point of his career, and anything that he did subsequently was overshadowed by his cult classic sitcom. But Mr. Adams was smart enough to take a percentage rather than a salary for the show, and he made a lot of cash out of it.
The 5th and final test match against the Australiens had the whole nation biting its nails. "Cricket is the new football", newsreaders assured us. [Yeah, right!]
When it comes to football, the prime minister has severe targetting problems. Given an open goal, as he proved on a junket in China, the best he can do is miss it by 6 feet. Which rather explains why his political goals are generally unreachable.
Two racing champions crowned
Fernando Alonso became the youngest ever Formula 1 motor racing champion at the age of 24 by sneaking home 3rd behind the McLarens in the Brazilian Grand Prix. Montoya won the race with Raikkonen in formation behind him to make it a long overdue McLaren 1-2.
A gang of eight thieves crashed into a warehouse full of gold at Heathrow airport last May [as reported in BlackFlag News], hoping to do rather better than the Millennium Diamond robbers of November 2000. Unfortunately, they suffered the same fate.
British forces in Basra stage
Tanks demolished part of a police station after Iraqi police in cahoots with local Iranian-funded insurgents arrested 2 undercover British soldiers, who were on counter-insurgent operations. The rescue operation became more vital when the British force discovered that their men were no longer in the police station they had been handed over to the insurgents. The tanks turned their attention to the nearby home of the local police chief (another insurgent), the bad guys fled and the prisoners were liberated.
Just 6% of police officers caught out by speed cameras actually pay a fine. The rest get their tickets fixed.
The two speeds of the CICB dead slow and stop!
The police are now focussed so firmly on raising cash from speed traps set for motorists that they are ignoring drunken drivers. Last year, speed cameras raised world record amounts of cash while road deaths caused by drunken drivers were at their highest level since 1992.
Back in the late 1970s, Romiley Literary Circle author Henry T. Smith came up with the idea for what developed into the Sergeant Enterprise trilogy. 'sunny' jim callaghan's labour government was cutting the military to the bone, and beyond, and letting a lot of valuable assets go to waste. So, in Henry Smith's ideal world, a group of enterprising NCOs decided to put those assets to better use by hiring them out. Their schemes included hiring out tanks to a film company, and then miniature submarines for a gold prospecting venture in Scotland.
"no idea too big or too small to steal." new labour's motto
CLICK HERE to learn more about the Sergeant Enterprise trilogy.
Taking B vitamins and folic acid can cause repeated heart attacks and strokes, and also trigger cancer.
Smoke 'n' slim if you can find the right stuff!
Cannabis sativa has been found to contain 2 chemicals which have opposite effects on the appetite. Tetrahydrocannabinol is a psychoactive drug which can trigger an impulse to eat everything in the fridge. It also makes the muncher fat. Tetrahydrocannabivarin, on the other hand, is an appetite suppressant. Most sources of cannabis contain a lot more THC than THCV, but slimmers should be told that there is a Pakistani variety which contains decent amounts of THCV.
Well, who'd have thought it!
Smokers are twice as likely to go blind in old age compared to non-smokers, and smoking causes diabetes.
When in doubt, leave it out!
Early Autumn Offer
BlackFlag News is pleased to announce that this ground-breaking work by one of Romiley's most distinguished authors can now be read on-line.
Category : The future of recycling in a violent & lawless society.
Being peter mandelson's boyfriend is a sure winner. Being an Albanian pimp is also good. But being a white, male, heterosexual, non-criminal, successful coach to the England cricket team means, "Sorry, you don't qualify."
"The dog ate my homework," says Foreign Office.
Kenneth Clark, pro & con
Con : Clark is idle and he would like to see this country run from Brussels rather than Westminster and using the euro instead of the good old pound. [But he has recently recanted his Euromania. Ed.]
Desperate measures needed . . .
Little has been heard from scotch gordon recently. BlackFlag News can reveal that this is because he has been seeking help in an addiction clinic as part of a government-funded [i.e. taxpayer-funded Ed.] initiative to keep essential officials in tip-top fighting trim. He is booked in at the clinic until Parliament resumes (just in time to break up for its Xmas hols.) but the staff are not optimistic of any improvement in his chronic condition.
'Nagadivs' on rampage in Ulster
new labour Abolishes Capital Letters
Another new labour history lesson
Cheerful news for the coming winter
The Met Office is predicting an end to the recent string of mild winters. The next one will be freezing cold with lots of snow and icebergs drifting all around the coastline.
What's Prescott up to now?
The latest Big Idea from the office of the deputy prime minister is to recruit a force of energy wardens. These new labour jobsworths will invade homes and offices to give people advice on efficient use of gas and electricity.
blunkett goes for a mandelson Award
Land owners in the Forest of Dean have the right to let their livestock roam freely, which results in at least one sheep per week being killed on the area's roads. So the Commoners' Association has decided it would be a good idea to spot their sheep with luminous paint to make them easier targets on dark nights.
Does this man look like a blank page with no beliefs of his own, who lets focus groups shape his decisions?
Mr. Humphreys sleazed but on a less attributable basis
The new labour sleaze machine is no longer working directly from Downing Street. A lot of the current sleazing operations have been delegated to alastair campbell's former bagmen, who have been encouraged to set up their own PR firms to provide a degree of separation from new labour's rotten heart.
The prime minister has suffered a reversal of course on his Council Tax revaluation plan for homes in England. Both he and scotch gordon are worried about the effect on the outcome of the next general election of massive C-Tax rises. Mr. b. liar is also worried about the effect on his 'legacy' of new labour's policy of demanding big increases in council spending on education, etc., and not providing the money to pay for them from central funds.
Fewer police forces equals better, according to new labour
new labour's latest Big Idea for policing is to amalgamate all of the police forces in England and Wales into half a dozen huge regional forces and sell off the 999 phone service to a call-centre agency in China.
new labour has responded to complaints that it is overloading the nation with bureaucrats and regulations. It has created 2 new gangs of bureaucrats, the Better Regulation Executive and the Better Regulation Commission to look for red tape which can be junked.
antonio b. liar is in trouble with ex-president of France Valery Giscard. The crusty frog is complaining that Britain has held the EU presidency for 2 months now and absolutely nothing has happened to push forward the European agenda. Eurosceptics everywhere are asking for more of the same for the rest of the year.
"New Orleans has been built on a site that only the madness of commercial lust could ever have tempted men to occupy."
"Only some ghastly, dehumanized monster would want to get rid of Routemaster buses."
"My enthusiasm for the European Union and all its works is as constant as the Northern Star."
"The God's Punishment agitators who are rattling on about Hurricane Katrina should be arrested, subjected to police brutality and thrown in jail for giving aid and encouragement to Al Qaida and America's other enemies."
"My government will be purer than pure."
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No one blames George W. Bush for Hurricane Katrina. What they do blame him for is cutting federal funds for flood defences, sending all the local National Guardsmen in Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama, and the neighbouring states, and their equipment, to sort out his messes in Iraq and Afghanistan and putting a clueless crony in charge of the federal disaster management agency.
The effect of Hurricane Katrina has been to send the price of petrol in the USA soaring from the equivalent of 34p/litre to 42p/litre. But compared to the £1/litre in the UK, what have the bastards got to whinge about?
They're at it again in Brussels
The inmates of the Brussels lunatic asylum are hell-bent on passing legislation making employers liable for any ill-effects of sunlight exposure on their staff. Employers will have to monitor sunlight levels and have a sun-block monitor standing by to ensure that workers are wearing an adequate coating of sun-resistant goo. The list of workers affected by the proposed legislation includes labourers, farmers, police officers, fishermen and footballers.
The next Big Idea from the Euromeddlers in Brussels is for all immigrants to swear an oath of loyalty to the United States of Europe rather than their chosen country of residence. In return, the immigrant will get the chance to sign up to the European Charter of Fundamental Rights.
At least 2,400 Palestinian civilians and children have been murdered by Israeli troops over the last 5 years, while the troops have been operating an illegal 'kill anything that moves' policy in the occupied territories.
"I'm crap at my job, but so what?"
Kissing a Chinese corpse
Warmer and wetter
Foreign war criminals? No thanks!
FEMA bogs it up again
London mayor Ken Livingstone was shopped to the Standards Board for England in February of this year for being robust with a pestering journalist. The 'crime' reported to New Labour's deeply flawed, local authority watchdog was failing to treat others with respect, which is an absolute offence under the SBfE's code of conduct. The defence that the 'victim' of the crime was undeserving of respect won't wash.
How the system 'works'
The SBfE's standard operating procedure is to send a draft 'charge sheet' to the accused in the hope that the victim himself will assist in the process of firming up the charges and give them stickability. The Board decides what the evidence is.
Facts about the SBfE
The Standards Board is a typical quango, which seeks to maximize its case load and hence its apparent usefulness; which is why a great many of its 'cases' are trivial complaints arising out of political vendettas.
The proprietors of the Grauniad found that they had to reduce the size of their paper stock to ensure continuity of printing without breakage of the paper web on new colour printing presses. Their big problem was that if they went tabloid, people would be asking, "How come you're not selling 4 million copies a day, like the Daily Mail, if your paper is as brilliant as you say it is?" So they had to pick a size that is neither fish nor fowl smaller than broadsheet but bigger than tabloid.
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