There was a total eclipse of the Moon in the first week of the month. So what did we get in Romiley? Clear skies on the night before and bloody rain bucketing down on the night of the eclipse. That Tony Bliar's got a lot to answer for.
MKD Holdings, operators of Manchester-based Kitchen Direct, have been ticked off by Ofcom for making 'silent calls'. Their computers have been power-dialling hundreds of phone numbers simultaneously and just dropping the line if someone answered their phone and there was no salesperson available to make the call. BlackFlag News commented on the nuisance calls to Romiley residents last month. Looks like we know who's doing it now.
The Romiley Traders Association has brought out a fine leaflet in association with Stockport Council. There is a useful map on one side, which suffers from the glaring deficiency of missing out the Post Office and Jackson's newsagents. For the benefit of visitors to the village, both are on Stockport Road.
How long does it take to install, paint and number 28 new lamp posts? If we're talking about the ones which Stockport Council put up in the centre of Romiley, then the answer is :
66 weeks at least
Because at the end of this month, the numbering job hadn't been finished. And they didn't get around to painting the last lamp post until this month.
Stockport Council bogs it up
Romiley's parent council has made a complete bog of printing the ballot papers for the June 10th elections. Complete in the sense that Stockport Council has made such a bog of it that everything has to be reprinted over the bank holiday weekend at the end of this month if the postal-voting 'packs' are to reach the customers by the June 1st deadline. That's a quarter of a million voting 'packs' to be redone. And all this at great expense to the local taxpayers. No wonder Stockport has one of the highest rates of Council Tax in the country.
BlackFlag News would like to offer its readers a chance to read this work by one of Romiley's premiere authors.
Category : Crime, 1980s
The massive police operation in Manchester last month has fizzle out and become 'file & forget' fodder. There was wild talk in the tabloids of foiling a suicide bomb plot against a Man. Utd. versus Liverpool match at Old Trafford but that was just wishful thinking. 10 suspects were raked in by 400 coppers (many of them on overtime?). All have been released without charge.
We have ways of making you enjoy yourself
Members of ethnic minorities are not visiting the countryside. So local councils and environmental groups across the country are planning to dig blacks, Asians, Orientals, bogus asylum seekers, etc. out of their homes and drive them into the countryside in droves.
Sky has been voted the world's most useless sports coverage provider in a national poll. The satellite broadcaster came bottom of the heap by a long way in both 'quality of delivery of programme commitments' and 'amount of time wasted on unwanted frills' which surprised a lot of frustrated BBC sport viewers.
Photographic reality or poisoned propaganda?
The Daily Mirror is in trouble for printing faked pictures, which are purported to show British troops beating up Iraqis. Rivals eagerly provided detailed analyses, pointing out a wealth of questionable detail, including the wrong sort of equipment, a total lack of bruising on the allegedly abused prisoner and the cleanliness of the scene in what was supposed to be a dusty, sweaty environment. Looks like this could be the Mirror's Hitler Diaries.
Good news for savers this month; the Bank of England base rate is up one-quarter point to 4¼%.
Burnley Council has told undertakers to schedule cremations of fat people for before 9:30 a.m. The rule applies to deceased weighing more than 18 stones. The reason given is that cremation furnaces are hotter during the afternoon and larger bodies produce excessive amounts of ash, which clogs up the works.
The Red Cross and Amnesty International reckon they've been warning Vice-Prez Bliar and his minions about torture of Iraqi prisoners for the last year. So if the British public weren't informed, either these two organizations have zero credibility or New Labour just swept everything under the carpet.
The UK is bottom of the Eurolist of dentists per 10,000 head of population. Greece and Sweden are top with 10, the UK trails in last place with 3.65.
JP 4 V-P?
There is a growing campaign to replace Vice-Prez Bliar with a man of stature who has considerable political experience and a proven track record for actually doing what he says he'll do. Deputy Vice-Prez John Prescott (pictured left with a minder) is seen as someone capable of delivering all that, in the opinion of most voters. This was the surprise result of a national poll conducted in mid-May.
The immigration shambles is beyond this government's capacity to repair. So what are they going to do about it? Let the spin-doctors spend millions of tax-pounds telling the customers that everything's okay really.
The UK Independence Party seems to be gathering strength at a furious pace in the run-up to the June Euro elections. Opinion polls now put them well ahead of the Triv-Dems. Maybe the UKIP is telling the voters something they want to hear and something they can believe!
What do people want from Europe?
This is the way it works
New Labour received a £100K bung from supporter Paul Drayson.
David Hill, Vice-Prez Bliar's replacement for Alastair Campbell, told his colleagues that the building collapse at Charles de Gaulle airport was an opportunity to rubbish Paris's transport system and promote London's 2012 Olympic bid. Give that man a Jo Moore Sensitivity Award!
Bliar downsizes his European ambitions
Vice-Prez Bliar has settled for what's available rather than his dream job. He has admitted to himself that the European Superstate isn't going to happen and he's never going to be Prez of Europe. So he's now busily lobbying for support with his greedy eyes on the job of Prez of the European Commission.
The actor who was Dr. Franklin in the Babylon 5 universe has died at 44. He studied theatre at university and his first major role was as a doctor in the soap opera Days of our Lives. He then became Dr. Franklin.
Essex has the country's highest rate of prosecutions for speeding based on speed camera data. This one county collects 10% of the entire rake-in of fines for the whole of England plus Wales. And guess what Essex also has the highest rate of deaths and serious injuries on its roads.
The EU is fixing to compel the UK to set up police road blocks and carry out random roadside tests on motorists for drink and/or drugs.
Sasser is aimed at Windows 2000 and later versions, it sneaks in from the Internet without the benefit of an email as a carrier and it slows down a PC and/or crashes it. So some Windows users might not be able to tell if they've got it.
If you see a doctor wearing a tie, run for your life. Research at the New York Hospital Medical Center of Queens has shown that 50% of ties worn in hospital carry potentially disease-causing bugs. And yet patients are supposed to have more confidence in a doctor wearing a tie. Spit the bones out of that!
The Dublin police had to use water cannon to control the yobs who tried to crash the EU enlargement junket, which welcomed Poland, Hungary, Czecho, Slovakia, Slovenia, Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia, Cyprus and Malta to the club. And the Belfast police had to get stuck in at the Irish Cup Final when yobs started battling at the Windsor Park stadium.
Chinese scare for smokers : Cancel the view that nicotine from cigarettes protects the brain. Substitute the opinon that heavy smoking causes Alzheimer's Disease. That's the cheerful conclusion of a study at Daping Hospital, Changquing. And don't try switching to dope, you smokers. Research in the US has shown that binge smoking of cannabis can cause a stroke.
Prez Bush apologizes for Iraq
"I'm sorry it's such a shit-hole and the people are such brutal, murdering barbarians," the Prez said at an international press conference at his ranch in Texas. "I'd like to assure my fellow Americans that we're doing everything humanly possibly to get our people the hell out of Iraq just as soon as we've tied up the oil rights.
How Greece can save one billion euros
Cancel the physical Olympic Games and do it all on the internet. That way, the Greeks can spend the security budget for the Games on hunting down the terrorists who've been planting bombs in Athens. And with the cash left over, the Greek government could even afford to build a nice, comfortless gaol on a remote island especially for the captured terrorists.
Is the US Army running Iraq under WWE rules of engagement? Iraqi prisoners certainly seem to be getting the benefit of Vince McMahon's version of sporting values rather than the Geneva Convention or any of that rubbish!
Gone but certainly not forgotten
The self-styled Lizard King is still causing trouble 30-odd years after he took his leave of this world. The Père Lachaise cemetery in Paris celebrates its 200th anniversary this month and it has become the city's 5th top attraction after Notre Dame, the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre and the Pompidou Centre. Even so, its administrators would love to get rid of the most famous resident Jim Morrison, vocalist of The Doors, the greatest rock band of all time.
"You want shock-horror? We got it!"
Posing as a victim of American torture is the new growth industry in Iraq. The locals just wrap themselves up in bandages and tell horror stories to anyone gullible enough to listen. Although the stakes are rising after a number of them have been stripped of their bandages and exposed as frauds. Any future victims are going to have to beat themselves up before applying the bandages to gain a bit of credibility.
20% of the police in Frankfurt an der Oder regularly nip over the border to Poland to top up their panda cars with petrol. Cross-border refuelling not only saves them 20p/litre, they also avoid paying an additional environmental tax on fuel. Nice to see some cops with a bit of initiative.
How come it's taken the Yanks until 2004 to set up a national memorial in Washington to the dead of World War II? What have they been doing for the last 59 years?
Efforts to reform the European Parliament's expenses system before this June's European elections hit the buffers at the beginning of this month.
The National Audit Office has found 'errors' in 90% of the EU's accounts which means, in practice, that 100% of them are dodgy. Accordingly, the EU's auditors have refused to sign 'the books' for the 9th year running. The officially detected loss to fraud from the EU's £60billion budget was £365million in 2001 and £700million in 2002. The actual fraud rate is estimated to be nearer 10% of the total EU budget.
The Russian parliament building was ritually cleansed in 1994 by the Orthodox Church. But MPs feel that it has become infested with evil spirits drawn by the negative energy generated by rowdy debates. So this time, they're calling on the services of a Siberian shaman. They hope that the mystic will produce longer-lasting results than the church.
Vice-Prez Bliar purple-dusted in Commons
A member of Fathers 4 Justice launched a purple powder bomb at the Vice-Prez from the public gallery during V-P's questions. The missile-hurler was in an area not blocked off by the security screen, which was installed recently at vast expense. The Mugger and Two Jags received colateral damage. As soon as they realized that something untoward had happened, the panicky Westminster Wonders fled the chamber at high speed which would have spread any contamination around the building if the attacker has used anything noxious.
A Government Spokesman says:
"Although there are problems with printing and delivering voting packs for the June local and European elections, and more problems with the software for electronic scanning and counting, everything is going swimmingly.
Sete Gibernau for staying on his bike and winning his home grand prix after holding the lead for most of the race . The rain in Jerez was truly torrential all the way through and there was a river flowing across the track at one corner, which meant that every rider had to confront disaster there on every lap.
Graham Dot for triumphing over Matthew Stevens to reach the final of the world snooker championships and proving to Mr. Stevens that no one with a hairstyle that silly deserves to prosper.
the Scottish Claymores for finally winning a match in the NFL Europe League. Their defence did a great job of keeping a win possible and the offence kept everyone in suspense until the last 13 seconds of their home match against Rhein Fire.
British Eurosport for showing the world snooker championship with fewer commercials and less time-wasting than the BBC. Snooker fans who have grown accustomed to spending half the night yelling, "Get on with it, you bastards!" at the Beeb's operation are desperately grateful for Eurosport's presence.
Arsenal FC for winning the Football League championship and also completing an unbeaten season in the top league a feat not achieved since Preston North End did it in 1889.
Jarno Trulli for winning the Monaco Grand Prix (his first win) in fine style from pole position; Young Button for finishing a very close 2nd; and Juan Montoya for finishing 4th after surviving a bonehead brake-warming manoeuvre by M. Schumacher, who crashed out behind the safety car in the tunnel and limped back to his garage as a 3-wheeler Ferrari.
The Royal Mail for turning a profit for the first time in 4 years even if it was at the expense of all 15 of its delivery and performance targets, which are just arbitrary numbers dreamt up by the government, which misses (or shifts) its own targets all the time.
Dairy products give you prostate cancer (but only if you're a bloke).
Vitamin pills interfere with the liver, increase the levels of 'bad cholesterol' and increase the risk of a heart attack. Vitamins C and E are the main baddies.
Ozone will be so much of a threat if we get a hot summer that everyone will have to stay indoors wearing a charcoal mask. Why? Because plants and trees release vast quantities of isoprene when heated above 35 deg.C. Isoprene is an excellent catalyst for the breakdown by sunlight of oxides of nitrogen in vehicle exhaust gases.
Fizzy drinks cause cancer of the gullet, according to researchers at the Tata Memorial hospital in India.
The European Commission has ended the moratorium on Genetically Monstered foods under pressure from the US producers. So it is now officially okay to eat GM sweetcorn grown in the United States but it can't be grown in Europe.
It's official! Artificial colourings, preservatives and flavourings in children's snacks really do make them hyperactive.
Now, some good news! Brassicas sprouts, cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, swedes, mustard, horseraddish, etc. can protect against colon cancer if consumed at least 2-3 times per week. And a daily aspirin prevents breast cancer.
Now, some not so good news! Tesco & Asda added to the labels for fruit and vegetables, the government propaganda that eating them can prevent cancer. But jobsworths for Shropshire County Council and Swindon Council are prosecuting supermarkets in their respective areas under the 1939 Cancer Act, which was introduced as a counterblast to quack cures, and 1996 food labelling regulations. The government has been too embarrassed to make a comment on the situation.
Huntley & Palmer's biscuits are to make a comeback. The brand, founded in 1822, went downhill to extinction after being bought by a succession of multinational foody companies from the 1960s on. It has been revived by business partners Nigel McCrea and John Sandom, who have ambitions to revive all the traditional H&P favourites. They would also like to revive the famous tins, which have become collectors' items fetching as much as £50K at auction.
Nestlé are introducing low carbohydrate versions of KitKat bars and Rolos. Anyone mug enough to buy them will have to swallow a 400% price rise compared to the standard products.
The bloke held on to his crown by keying in the singularly pointless message: The razor-toothed piranhas of the genera Serrasalmus and Pygocentrus are the most ferocious freshwater fish in the world. In reality they seldom attack a human. His 160 taps on the keys took just 67 seconds to execute.
For the benefit of non-texters,
Three cheers for spontaneous combustion!
Given that Brit Artists are largely unskilled labourers, incompetent embalmers and/or tedious sensationalists playing a 3-note samba on bad language, sexual matters and/or mockery of religion, no wonder true art lovers are feeling a whole lot better after the Great Fire of Leyton.
No big pay day for Mandy
The Mandelson ship of state has hit the rocks again. Vice-Prez Bliar has decided that he's just too dodgy to be the UK's next European Commissioner. The Vice-Prez feels that after Neil Kinnock's total failure as European Vice-Prez In Charge Of Ending Corruption, appointing someone equally dodgy as Commissioner would turn the British voters off the EU even more.
NASA's twin Mars rovers, Spirit and Opportunity, have finished their primary 90-day missions. Anything they do from now on is a bonus. Funding for an extended programme has been approved to the end of September. Component life, dust accumulation on the solar cells and decreasing sunlight strength will all contribute to the rovers grinding to a halt eventually.
The Bad News: we don't know what went wrong
The European Space Agency has completed its inquiry into the loss of the British Mars lander Beagle 2 on Christmas Day last year. Professor David Southwood, ESA's director of science, told a press conference: "We won't ever know for sure what went wrong." But even so, the loss of the probe will be blamed on poor management of the project.
This has been a good month for illiterate bogus lottery emails from the Netherlands. The fraudsters are now claiming that their multi-million dollar prizes are donated by a committee of philanthropists which includes world's richest man Bill Gates.
Jackson Pollock's drip painting "No. 12" [left, above] has been sold for $11.55million, which must have left the artist rotating in his grave while working out how much booze he could have bought with that level of loot. The purchaser got a much better bargain, and a far more interesting picture, than the headbanger who paid $104million for Picasso's pedestrian "Garcon a la pipe" [right, above] earlier in the month.
Stealth Tax #85 The Mugger is planning fees of £50-575 for material made available when the Freedom of Information Act comes into force in January 2005. The fees will be 666% to 958% higher than those given in the Bill which Vice-Prez Bliar and his cronies placed before Parliament.
Stealth Tax #86 A further £110 on Council Tax bills in the affected areas to pay for 'Two Jags' Prescott's regional assemblies.
A report compiled by the House of Commons Library has calculated that Brussels red tape has imposed costs of £25billion on British businesses in the last 5 years. Yet Vice-Prez Bliar is eager to let the Eurocrats cause even more havoc in his eagerness to get himself a top Eurojob after the British electorate gives him the thumbs down.
The Ministry of Defence is spending £5.25billion of taxpayers' cash on 150 fighter aircraft from the US firm Lockheed-Martin. The project is a year behind schedule and some bright spark has just discovered that the Harrier-replacements are a ton and a half too heavy to operate from the 2 new aircraft carriers, which are being built for the Royal Navy. Fixing the problem will cost another £60million. Well, it's only taxpayers' cash, isn't it?
Vice-Prez Bliar wants clubs 'n' pubs, and their customers, to pay for the extra police needed to control violent binge drinkers. He also wants to keep pubs open all day to keep the taxes on drink and ciggies flowing into the coffers. It really is all about the money for New Labour.
It was the Great Millennium Dome Diamond Robbery all over again. A gang of seasoned crooks turned up to bust £80million or so in currency and gold bullion out of a warehouse at Heathrow airport. Only the Flying Squad had been watching the bad guys for weeks and they turned out in force.
The best cartoon about Abu Hamza's remand in custody until his lawyers have made themselves seriously rich at the taxpayer's expense was the one by Austin in TheGuardian for 2004/05/28. It shows 2 prisoners in a cell. One is holding a leaflet labelled 'Belmarsh Drama Society' and he's saying: "We can do Peter Pan this year!"
Real justice New Labour style
Worried about a big fine next time you're busted for being drunk and disorderly? Just tell the magistrates you blow most of your disposable income on lottery tickets, scratchcards, ciggies, booze (of course), a Sky subscription, clothes, your mobile and credit cards.
The presenters of alleged TV news programmes have been asking various 'experts' if the premise behind the latest disaster movie is good or bad science.
Spontaneous Combustion risk raised by Global Warming?
The fires which wiped out the historic Market Hall at Ashton under Lyne and the warehouse in Leyton, East London, housing Charles Saatchi's collection of modern junk might have a common cause. A new theory says that relatively small changes in ambient temperature due to global warming could produce a surprisingly large increase in the likelihood of sensitive materials suffering spontaneous combustion. Sounds like another headache for the insurance trade and further big holes in their customers' wallets.
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