It took the police and the Can't Prosecute Service 10 months to 'investigate' the case against headmaster David Watkins, who was accused of stuffing a fish into a disruptive yob's gob. It took magistrates in Norwich a day and a half to toss out the prosecution's case because it was based on 'manifestly unreliable evidence'. So what exactly were the state persecutors doing during the 10 months?
Infamy! Infamy! They've really got it infamy!
In the period January to September of 2003, 419 speeding coppers were caught by Avon & Somerset police but only 1 was prosecuted. Apparently, it's okay for a copper to break the speed limit if he's working. And even if he can't remember which particular job he was doing at the time, it's still okay.
Q. What do Vice-Prez Bliar and a lemming have in common?
More compensation culture madness
A bloke is claiming 3 grand from the Safeway supermarket chain. He wants it to cover the vet's bills for fixing his dog and legal expenses. Gordon Musselwhite reckons the dog jumped up to grab leaflets pushed through the letterbox and injured itself in the process. And because they were Safeway leaflets, that makes the rich supermarket liable rather then whoever failed to teach the dog to keep its teeth off stuff coming through the letterbox.
Motorists beware! CCTV street cameras are now being used to trap illegal parkers. Pause for 2 seconds somewhere you shouldn't, and if the camera can see your number plate, that's another automatic fine on its way.
Where do all the guns on the British streets come from? Apparently, the IRA is decommissioning surplus weapons by swapping them for drugs. British gangsters are then unloading the weapons at £200-300 a time at car boot sales in the back streets of Birmingham, etc.
Matthew Barret, CEO of Barclays Bank, told the Commons Treasury select committee that he would never borrow money on a credit card because of the rip-off interest rates (or words to that effect). He also advises his kids not to let money pile up on a credit card. Sounds like he's a sensible chap and more than fit to run a major bank.
GM crops damage the environment? No, its the weedkillers used with them that kill everything. We thought you ought to know this.
Lots of free plugs in the newspapers, including the so-called quality ones, for yet another book cashing in on the late Princess Di. Yawn.
Is theGuardian planning to go tabloid? The down-turn in quality is leading its dismayed readers to expect a conversion from a down-market broadsheet to a down-market tabloid quite soon.
Headline of the month : Farmer llama drama
More Bliar Porkies
The Vice-Prez wants us to believe that ex-general John de Chastelain, who watches the IRA mothballing their weapons, gave him confidential information about the latest episode.
Don't do this at home, Kiddies!
Derren Brown upset the usual suspects with his Russian roulette act almost live on Channel 4. The objectors wanted us to believe that every stupid kid in the country would blow its head off imitating Mr. Brown. But the only people with access to guns are criminals, their relatives and associates of criminals and their relatives. So we're hardly talking about Class 1 people.
Meanwhile, in the UK, a father of four from Gadalming, Surrey, has been fined a grand for bad behaviour at the David Blaine stunt. Stephen Charles Field, 38, climbed up a scaffolding tower next to Mr. Blaine's box at 3 a.m and set about demolishing his water supply. Mind you, if Mr. Blaine is getting London tap water, or bottled mineral water, Mr. Field was probably doing him a favour!
The image of the moment is of people wandering around clutching a bottle of water; if they're too poor to hire some serf to carry it for them. So it comes as no surprise to we anarchists to learn that they're not doing themselves any good.
Professor Mike Kelly of the Health Development Agency says we live in 'an obesogenic environment', in which people guzzle vast portions of junk food and sit around idly all day. His agency reckons that 10% of 6-year-olds and 20% of 15-year-olds are clinically obese. A lot of the blame for fat schoolkids falls on the trendy leftys in education, who decided that competitive sports are bad for kids as they produce winners and losers, and expose kids unnecessarily to the real world.
Boy Bliar tells UK's Flabbies to shape up
Despite blowing £1.6billion of lottery money on sports centres, New Labour has made close to zero impact on the nation's fitness. So the Vice-Prez has ordered Culture-vulture Sec. Tessa Jowell (there's a fattist surname for you!) and Health Sec. John 'Menacing' Reid to get the nation leaping about. Transport Sec. Alastair 'Eyebrows' Darling has also been tasked with winkling fatties out of their cars. Some of the vice-presidential stooges also suggested tax relief on the membership fees for fitness clubs, but they received 'Over my dead body' glares from The Mugger. Which most people would consider a price well worth paying.
A study in Spain has shown that cooking vegetables in a microwave destroys most of their antioxidants (good chemicals). Steaming is best for preserving the goodies.
Government drops heavy hand on advertisers
The government is going to ban adverts for sweets and crisps during children's TV programmes. Like that's going to stop the little fatties guzzling! Of course, what we really need is a band on 'bogverts' kids sitting around on lavatories in programmes shown at meal times. But it's probably too much to hope that the New Labour cowboys will ever do anything useful.
The new pension credit scheme was the predicted shambles on opening day. The 30-page form was too complicated for many of those elibible for the payment, as the Treasury planned. Hotlines were no help after computer crashes, and the service was discontinued until people stop ringing up and trying to use the hotline.
Vice-Prez Bliar is looking for a way to surrender the UK's rebate on our contributions to the EU to further his ambition to become Prez of Europe in due course. In 2002, the UK poured £6.3billion (£2.9billion after our rebate) into the European Union's coffers while Germany paid £3.9billion and the evil French just £300million.
Ian Deadly Smith says, "No more Mr. Nice."
The formerly quiet leader of the Conservative & Unionist Party tried to make a lot of noise at Blackpool in the early part of the month. It was an attempt to get himself noticed by potential customers and to frighten off Tory plotters.
The Boy Bliar has decided to dump Home Secretary Blunk's ID card scheme, which should make him a bit more popular with customers who were expected to stump up 42 quid for one!
Sir Kevin Tebbit, permanent secretary at the Ministry of Defence, seems to be in hot water. Apparently, he covered up fraud and corruption and ignored a BAe Systems slush fund, which was used to pay bribes to win contracts in Saudia. But, hang on, isn't that the way things work there? You pay your bung and you get something? And hang on even more isn't that the way New Labour works, too? So what's all the fuss about?
Boy Bliar fakes heart attack to get out of admitting to the Commons that he's stitched us up with the other European leaders over the EU constitution?
The government is denying that it has plans to tax profits on house sales so be warned, the Mugger is planning to sneak it in as another Stealth Tax.
Stealth Tax No. 63 an increase of up to eightfold on the stamp duty on leases for retail premises.
We Got It Wrong 1-3
1. Robin Cook reckons Vice-Prez Bliar knew that Saddam Hussein had no WoMD in March, before the Iraq War. How does he know? Because the V-P told him just that.
2. The great ricin factory scare in London in January was all a false alarm. Used by the Vice-Prez to justify his 'rush to war' mood, the original optimism from Porton Down has proved to be over-inflated. No ricin was detected in the samples taken from the 'factory' flat.
3. Sending the tanks on an outing to Heathrow in February was a complete waste of time. No airliners were in danger of being shot out of the sky. The government was taken in by bogus information from an Al Qaida criminal.
Nothing much has turned up in Iraq in the way of WoMD, apart from one small vial of botox which is 10 years old, but French anti-aircraft missiles have been found there. The UN imposed an arms embargo on Iraq 13 years ago but the Roland missiles were built this year. Those perfidious Frogs up to their dirty tricks again?
Alastair Campbell has opted for the Nuremberg Defence on the issue of feeding Dr. David Kelly to the meeja. I was only following orders, he told the audience of an Irish TV chat show. The orders, by implication, having been issued by Vice-Prez Bliar.
France and Germany say no to cash for Iraq unless they get to run the country and handle all the rebuilding contracts (and cop for all the profits from them).
US Army introduces 'Letter Home' service
A great many of the US troops in Iraq can't be bothered writing home. Now, they can take advantage of a scheme which provides them with a glowing essay about the Coalition's post-war achievements in Iraq. All the troops have to do is sign their name at the bottom and post it and then enjoy the benefit of a rosy internal glow from knowing that they've done their duty by the folks back home.
More French rockets have been used in a terror attack on a Baghdad hotel. Our perfidious 'allies' seem to be determined to get their kilo of flesh out of Iraq one way or another.
Gubernatorial candidate in California Arnold Schwarzengroper was obliged to apologize to his potential customers for getting handy on film sets. He has 'behaved badly while being playful' in the past, he admitted, and he's sorry he did it if it costs him votes.
The US Supreme Court has ruled that insane murderers can be forced to take drugs which will make them sane enough to be executed and no longer a drain on the prison system's resources.
French Prime Minister Jean-Pierre Raffarin reckons every member country of the EU should hold a referendum on the EU constitution. Vice-Prez Bliar dismissed the idea as just another dig at his holy self.
Adolf bounces back into the news
Adolf, the mongrel dog, and his owner, Roland Tach, are in trouble again. The Berlin police questioned Mr. Tach after he and his hound were seen giving each other Hitler salutes. Mr. Tach is also said to like wearing teeshirts bearing pictures of the former Führer and a Hitler-style toothbrush moustache.
China's First Astronaut?
Conspiracy theorists are beavering away on this month's big news from the Orient. And given the culture of secrecy surrounding Communist regimes, they seem to be on fertile ground. The Chinese government was too frightened of an embarrassing failure to let anyone watch the alleged launch of their first spaceman in a clone of a Russian Soyuz capsule.
An EU report alleges that Vice-Prez Bliar's Britain is now the cannabis capital of Europe and it has put the Dutch well into the shade.
The fun and games over the England-Turkey football match this month is likely to lead to a review of Turkey's eligibility for European competitions. The first major objection to Turkey's participation in them is that Turkey is in Asia, not Europe, and disqualified on geography grounds. A more serious stumbling block is that it has a violent population, many of whom are routinely armed with knives or worse, and supporters of foreign football teams are not safe there.
Boy Beckham Bogs Penalty
The tedium of a goalless draw seems fitting for the Big Match in Turkey. The Turks had the small consolation of seeing England's captain slip as he took a penalty kick and blast the ball into outer space, but that was all they had to gloat over. And talking about fans, should the Turkish ones have been there at all? If their country is too dangerous for England's fans to visit, then maybe the match should have been played in an empty stadium for a purely television audience. "In the interests of fairness," to quote Vince McMahon, that prime exponent of sporting entertainment.
WHO is looking after YOUR website right now?
A. A friend.
Don't trust a vital asset like your website to any old Joe. Guys with beards ALWAYS know what they're doing! Trust no one else.
Well, yes, apparently it does. Mainly because there are a lot of mugs out there in cyberspace. According to the current issue of PC Pro [November 2003], the spammers have such a huge mark-up on their products that they can make a profit out of ridiculously small response levels to their email adverts.
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|Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression.|
Sole © RAL, October 2003.